So the movie I went to at 11.30 am the other morning by myself (what fun!) was 'Begin Again'. I totally 100% recommend it. Mark Ruffalo my all time favorite actor love love love him. Keira Knightly who I can usually take or leave but was just great. James Corden love him..Adam Levine great..Catherine Keener great.. everyone great.
But the story.. the story…! So lovely. And the wonderful music - a huge feature of the entire film - so moving and beautiful. And the themes of love and artistry and authenticity.. and yes.. there was a little bit about alcohol in there too.
There was one teeny moment late on in the film, I won't give it away but will say it was something that was said/done in relation to alcohol, it wasn't a big drama moment in the film, a throwaway line.. but shit it got me.
I burst into tears. I had this immense reaction to this thing that this dude said/did. Tears were flowing down my cheeks. I could feel my heart so raw and open and touched, bursting with emotion. Yes it was about the moment in the film, but it was about my place in the world and my relationship with myself.. it was everything and it was wonderful.
I'm an alcoholic living in recovery. I drank wine heavily and steadily my entire adult life until nearly 3 years ago and now I don't touch it ever. I am still learning how to be a fully emotional person. I am brave and amazing but I am raw and I am healing. I am also so grateful and happy for my sobriety. That is what those tears were about. That moment in the movie did all of that for me. Don't ya just love it when that happens?!
For everyone finishing Dry July but wanting to continue not drinking I say GO FOR IT!!! We don't need that shit in our lives! It's not true that it's necessary for good times. It's not true that it relaxes us. It's not true that it makes us more interesting or more fun. None of that is true.
If you're in the thick sludgy mud of early sobriety, busting your balls to break the habit and re-train your brain know that the longer you go without drinking the easier it will become. Don't worry about what other people think… focus on the truth that only you know and - most important of all - know that you are not alone.
You are beating an addiction to alcohol and that makes you brave and amazing. Any expert will tell you that it's one of the hardest things for a human to do.. but it can be done and you can do it.
You are brave and amazing.
You are brave and amazing.
You are.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteI read your book cover to cover in one day and from that day - 23rd July 2014 - I vowed not to get back on the red wine train to nowhere ever again. Your story meant so much to me as there were so many similarities.
Only day 10 for me but I feel amazing. Fresh juices every mornng and mt two children are benefiting from that too! They love thier new sober mum who remembers everthing in the morning, isn't hungover and is quite a pleasure to hangout with now.
Having an injury and consequently an operation a month ago which has left me on crutches hopping about, i have had more than enough time to reflect on my life.
Wine had control of me and nearly everyone's comments on here I can relate to.
Its an amazing online community you have created and set to launch into a much bigger one too by the sounds of it.
Thanks so much Lotta, you are amazing!
Kersti xx
Thanks Mrs D exactly what I needed on this Friday!! Why is Fridays always the hardest for me...Like its our social obligation to have a drink or 6 on a Friday!! Was very tempted to just have one tonight(who am I kidding). And been struggling with the little voice inside my head all day. But after reading this I feel much stronger and can see the bigger picture. Sigh of relieve I'm not going back there. We can do this be brave.
ReplyDeleteYup, that little voice is a real bitch. Managed to shut it up today. Yippee!!
DeleteDry July no more, it's dry life. Day 32 and going strong. And it is getting so much easier and I am feeling so much stronger. Best thing I did for myself I reckon.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that.
ReplyDeleteAlmost made me cry, in the Koru Club of all places. Thank you. xx
ReplyDeleteHi, Am definitely going to see that movie this weekend. I have been sober for 3years. I nearly picked up a bottle of wine today. Was really tired, brain all over the place. Said to my self I am going to have a drink, went to the supermarket, walked around, picked up a packet of biscuits, walked pass the wine, looked at it and thought what are you doing. You are only tired the world is not ending. I paid for the biscuits and went home. Am now having coffee and golden fruit biscuits - yum. Have my trackies and slippers on - and will stay home tonight. Tomorrow will soon be here and I wont be tired.
ReplyDeleteLovely affirming post, and thank you for commenting on my one, I have commented back. I will try to go and see that movie tomorrow. I love going to the movies by myself, and always feel richer for the experience. Have a great weekend xo
ReplyDeleteI've read this from beginning to end as well as comments. I can identify with so much that has been written and it really is inspiring. Still lurker'ish (I say "ish" as I've now posted) but I am struggling so hard to make the first step. I tick all the boxes of a functional alcoholic and have actually lied my way through Dry July. Feel good? Not at all.
ReplyDeleteAnyway - this I guess is a bit of a random post, but hope to be joining your team soon. One question - what is Bubble Hour??
Not sure about bubble hour. But re your struggle. Try really hard to be dry for just one day. One day. Get rid of all the booze in the house. Give yourself stuff to do. Get something else to drink. Go to a movie. Hire a movie. Put some strategies in place for just one day. Post to this blog early one morning, and commit to one day. We will support you! As you feel youself weaken, blog again, and again. Read about others' struggles. It all helps.
DeleteBubble Hour is a marvellous website where you can listen to conversations and interviews with women recovering and going through giving up alcohol. Just google the Bubble Hour and click on whatever you would like to hear about. They interviewed Lotta not long ago too so you can listen to that.
DeleteAlso Jason Vale and Allen Carr have two wonderful books to read. They do help and you can do this!
If you really WANT to you can do just about anything :)
thank you. Really, I appreciate it so much
DeleteAnd it is so hard to make the first step. But once you do and wake a few mornings with no fuzzy head you will be on a roll! Look at the influences and triggers around you that encourage you to drink. Get rid of them.
DeleteMy way was putting my (always empty) wine rack in a rubbish bag in the garage and I put all my wine glasses away too. I replaced them with new juice glasses.
At the moment as I'm only at day 10 I'm being careful who I'm around too. Every thing is one day at a time!
Good luck and I hope you find the strength to do this! :)
Hi anonymous. I did too. I lied through dry july. Unbelievable. Im determined to get through August now...actually today is a big birthday for me...so I thought id start with a post to introduce myself and commit to this community. Halfway and a big swelling Seachange ahead for this 2nd half of my life. Stayed up till1am reading Lottas book which I downloaded on ibooks. I can't thank you enough Lotta. I laughed at the personal grooming post. Touche! and cried with your husbands lovely gift and support. Over 15 years of lying, hiding bottles, nightly and daily secret heavy drinking is over for me. xxx
DeleteIt's amazing what we lie about when drinking has the control. Then when we take control of it the feeling is like being set free. Happy birthday for today and I hope you have an amazing sober day! You will wake tomorrow refreshed and ready to carry on!
DeleteThanks kersti. Appreciate your comment. Had a blissful bushwalk this morning followed by a very moody arvo evg. ...which i got thru by another walk and cancelling plans. Feeling much calmer and pleased with myself for this big decision. Ive been feeling so angry and snippy lately, best to go to bed early and be fresh tomoro. Nite!
DeleteHappy Birthday from me too. I tell you you will be so relieved not to be worrying about your secret supplies or empties being discovered, for me that was so stressful, especially when your brain is addled at the time you most want to remember where you hid things.
DeleteThe relief of not having secrets will SO help you.Enjoy tomorrow.
Hi seachange, it's quite normal to feel really tired and short tempered as your body is detoxing and your brain is catching up on lost sleep. If you drink before bed (even a few hours prior to sleep) you interrupt your sleep pattern. Your body will be wanting to catchup on all that missed deep sleep.
DeleteThere are supplements you can take to lessen the process. I take a good vitamin B supplement and 5HTP which helps with cravings. Always make sure you consult your doctor first though incase it's not right for you! Definitely works for me, but that doesn't mean it's for everyone.
Hope you have had a wonderful weekend and am enjoying your new sober life!!
Gosh thanks. So good to hear mrs A re: the secrecy. I keep thinking ive been bitten worse and quitting will be much tougher for me. Blah blah. ..like mrs d says she quit after the one bottle hiding incident and I think yikes, its been a decade of that for me! And then the voices in my head telling me im fine...just one (bottle) more...surely you dont mean forever ever, right??! feel so bludy weak. 5htp is excellent idea. ..recall was quite calming. Thanks kersti. xx
DeleteYou are welcome, with the secrecy thing we have all done it. I used to drink half a bottle of wine before my friends came over so I could be "on my way" when they arrived. I used to hide bottles so I knew I wouldn't run out. And if someone wanted some of my wine I would of course let them have some, but all along the voices in my head would be saying "no there's less for me now".
DeleteThoroughly recommend Jason Vales book and of course Lotta's book too.
It's as hard as you want it to be I guess!
5HTP is a naturally occurring amino acid, your body forgets how to make it and sometimes we need to help it along to the road to recovery.
You will be fine, just get some consistency and before you know it you will be sober and have a clear head every morning!
I'm on day 12 now and feel amazing. I know I will never go back to the old me, it's like ending a relationship with someone you used to know.
You're allowed to be emotional, cry, it's good for you. I did, tears of mixed emotions and now I cry at the most random moments! Embarrassing at times, but God it feels good to FEEL again.
Good luck seachange and we are all here for you to win this battle xx
Hi folks. It’s coming up 6.00 and I know I can safely tick off today as dry day number 12. The nearer it got to 5.00 the harder it got. Have had a busy week and a glass or two of wine at 5.00 was soooo tempting. Trouble is, as I had to keep telling myself, I never stop at 1 or 2 drinks. If I did, I wouldn’t be on this blog. It’s knowing that I’ve made a commitment to youse all that keeps me honest!!
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if I am doing this right..keep trying to enter a post....I have not had a drink for 7 days...I really want one
ReplyDeleteHang in there Moss Molly, the early days are hard, try and find something else to drink, and to do to take your mind off the thought. Sitting here, I can still taste that wine, even though I haven't had any for weeks. But then I think of all the things I can do now that I couldn't if I had been drinking. Just last till tomorrow, take it one small step at a time.
DeleteOk it seems that I have managed to add a comment.... I have tried a few times not to drink...I miss wine....I love the taste of it I love the buzz it gives me.... I do not love thinking about all the time...I do not miss lying awake for hrs...with my heart racing thinking that I might die tonight....I worry all the time about what I might have done to my insides through my drinking..... I am scared I am determined.... I think that I will find the support I need through this blogging
ReplyDeleteMiss Molly,
DeleteDon't worry too much, depending on how long and hard you have been drinking it's doubtful you have done any damage, however, you can go to the doctors and ask them to test your liver. It's amazing what the body can take, it just wants to be healthy so will repair itself if you let it.
I drank for years, the last 2 was really bad one or one and a half bottles of red wine a night at times. Most nights, hardly any alcohol free nights either.
Don't beat yourself up, you can do this :)
As Kerstisays, the liver can repair itself quickly, mine is nearly back to normal after 2 months of non drinking from years of drinking 2-3 bottles of wine a night. I also got help through the Mental health and addictions services - part of the local dub. All free, helped me with a detox plan and counselling. We can beat this
DeleteHello, Miss Molly, your worries are so familiar to mr cos its only been a month for me. Im sure you are ready to not have to worry about your health, just like I was, and plenty of others , I'm sure?
DeleteJust watched seven sharp, at the end they went on about how having wine was good for you, dont they realise people are trying to give up....
ReplyDeleteYup, I saw that. Never liked Mike Hosking. Now I like him even less. Pillock.
DeleteYep I saw this guys and thought the same. I 2 not fond of Mike H. A bloody dick. Not a great host at all and to make a comment that our politicians don't drink enough wine was appalling. Yes it is one of our largest industries in NZ. Yes we have beautiful vineyards but the way it is sold and used in this country is all wrong. It is glamorized like Lotta says and it can be everything but glamorous. Only an idiot like Mike Hoskings would say that people aren't drinking enough wine. Perhaps he needs to get on board this blog to see the many people struggling with it's addictiveness (is that a word????) Anyway. Had my vent. It's a drug Mike. An addictive drug. Love to see him tell the viewers to smoke a little more to help the tobacco industry out. See how that would go down with the viewers.
DeleteLove your comments. I agree.
DeleteDay 55 today. And to think I nearly through that all away yesterday. Feel a lot better today and happily sipping away on my soda & lemon drink.
ReplyDeleteIt is a struggle, but an extremely worthy one, hang in there those of you struggling today. And take it one day at a time.
Well done Martin!! Imagine how crap you would have felt today if you had - big pats on the back!!
DeleteAwesome! Well done you. I'm day 38 today. It was a really good day.
DeleteThis is one of the best bits about being sober. Friday evening, with the weekend still to come. I’m not pissed, I’m not woozy, I’m not wobbly on my feet, and I’m not hoping that wifey doesn’t notice I’m pissed. Because I’m not. I’m 100% sober!
ReplyDeleteYay! I know that feeling too - a whole delicious weekend to come with no hangovers, feeling like shite and achieving nothing - thats gone! Now we have a weekend to look forward to! Enjoy your weekend inthegarage! :) day 18 done for me - bring on the weekend!!
DeleteGreat stuff another day down for you inthegarage and Nancy Pants.. hi fives all round and enjoy a sober morning tomorrow, and weekend.
DeleteYou too Martin!!
DeleteSeems I can stop at one or two. I have been doing this with my Mum a couple of times a week since I "stopped" (a bottle every night at home) on June 23rd. For some reason I couldn't say no to my Mum (I sound pathetic!). Trouble is it is bloody hard. every time I did it I had to fight the urge to buy a bottle at the supermarket. I was proud of myself for the completely significant drop in my drinking but didn't enjoy teetering on the edge. I'd drive home after 2 small glasses. Well, I found out tonight the legal level of blood alcohol significantly reduces on Monday. I could have jumped for joy. Perfect timing. Have told Mum no more wine-sies and driving home.
ReplyDeleteNo more teetering on the edge - good on you Zulu!
DeleteThanks Nancy Pants. The edge was perilously close yesterday. Beautiful sunny day - just like summer. I sooooo wanted wine. I realize wine and summer are closely linked for me. wondered if I can do it completely sober. then today I remembered - summer aint so fun hung over - We'll all have an amazing summer with our refreshing non-alcoholic drinks followed by a refreshing morning, enjoying whet summer has to offer - it will be much better! :)
DeleteYup I totally hear you with the summer thing and wine - I'm not even thinking about it - scares the shit out of me if I'm honest - BBQ .glasses clinking and bloody wine wine wine- hoping ill still be strong - and yep summer hangovers were truly awful must try and remember that! and have delish non alcoholic cool refreshing drinks!
Deleteea I hear both of you too, think winter naps ben a gold time to start this road as teacups of tea warm me up too. A d once it becomes a habit it will be easier to keep, and just do. And I. UST say these non alcoholic drinks are extremely refreshing and ya feel great the next day
DeleteRoll on summer, waking up early no hangover and running the lake. Cant wait. Brought a new top today - had money in my purse. Hadn't spent it on wine.
ReplyDeleteRetail therapy just the best! Well done and enjoy the new top! :)
DeleteI bought summer shoes with my extra $$ today - whoo hoo!
ReplyDeleteGood on Zulu.. a great reward. After buying at least a case of wine a week I am putting the money I am saving towards a trip overseas.... a bit of r&r...
DeleteBrilliant reward! What a change you've made. You deserve a wonderful holiday and a heart felt round of applause from me - very inspiring Martin! :-)
DeleteSame here guys, I'm planning to go to the UK at the end of the year and now will have more pounds to spend instead of spending it on bottles of poison!
DeleteHave a fantastic sober weekend!
I can't beleive the money I spent on wine, thousands when i think how long I had been drinking, alone. I bought a ring at the end of my first week a reminder of my sober life, I was spending over $160 some weeks so spent it the ring, off to get my hair done now, and don't feel guilty because I have not wasted my money on that poison, yay me. Enjoy your extra SSS everyone you deserve to buy yourself something lovely, have a massage, what ever takes your fancy
Deletexx
Martin Tonks. Re your overseas trip. Be really strong on the plane. The free booze is sooo tempting. Tomato juice rules!
DeleteKersti. Same message as for Martin :)
DeleteYes inthegarage66 thanks, I had forgotten about that! Thanks for the reminder :)
DeleteThanks inthegarage Greta point. I have booked breakfast flights both ways and the cheap seats so no free booze for me. My friend tomato juice will keep me company
DeleteSo Dry July is over, it was my incentive to stop pouring wine down my throat EVERY night. This blog page has been my anchor, I am always eager to hear your news Mrs D and have also read everything with lots of nodding and crikey that's just like me moments. The inspiration from all the comments has been astounding , to know I / we are not alone has given me lots of strength to carry on. Thank you. 34 days sober and also looking forward to another hang over free weekend
ReplyDeleteYou are brave and you are amazing and you are my friend and I love you.
ReplyDeleteSherry
I've come out of the lurking closet and putting myself on here to join in on all this fantastic support and encouragement. I can so relate to you all.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to stop the everyday at 5 wine fix for some time now, and manage for periods of time then succumb to the urges. I know I'm stronger than this and believe I can conquer it. I want nothing more than to be alcohol free forever. I am putting myself up here to be accountable and would like to be a part of this exceptional group of people.
Thanks so much Lotta for getting this going. Looking forward to the new website.
Hey welcome Jules - and well done you. I am finding blogging really helps (for me, its kind of my own little AA - instead of going to a meeting I blog, read other blogs and respond to blogs). The new site is going to be an awesome help. xx
DeleteHi Jules and welcome to the fold. I wish you well on your journey especially in the early days. I'm on day 40 right now and possibly in a pink cloud phase. I'm really enjoying sobriety and the freedom that comes with it. We all have our moments and this is a great place to come for support when that happens so hopefully we'll see more of you. I'm off to a 21st tonight - will probably be fairly boozy. I've been in quite a few drinking situations recently - dinners, lunches and even a funeral. So far so good - here's hoping tonight will go well too. I'm armed with my drink of choice and my stock standard answers to the inevitable questions. Most of all I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow morning and feeling fantastic.
DeleteHi Jules. Day 13 for me. Just think about today, Jules. Forget tomorrow. Just think about today. Remind yourself of what that shit does to your brain, your body, your relationships. Think about how you felt after a night on the piss. Be strong Jules! We have been where you are. It's bloody hard work, but it's absolutely 100% worth it! Being sober feels great! :)
DeleteWelcome Jules :) :) first steps are always the hardest - its a bit like falling off a bike just get back on and try again - day 18 for me and it seems to be getting a little easier daily - good luck!
DeleteSo pleased to see you out of the closet Jules. Welcome to the group, there are some fantastic people here all in the same boat that have helped me along and I am sure the same will happen for you. Take it one day at a time, and I look forward to reading your posts & comments.
DeleteHi Jules
DeleteWelcome to the club, I am a newbie 15 days, Lotta's reading list is great, just finished Alex Carr and Jason Vales book just arrived in the mail, I thought they were great.
I have found the blogs fantastic, some days are harder than others then you come on here and realise it's the same for eveyone and you are not alone.
You can do it!
A BIT OF A CHALLENGE
ReplyDeleteDay 13. Wifey and I decided to treat ourselves to Chinese takeaways tonight. We live the high life… Anyway, I phoned the order through, and while I was waiting I decided to give myself a bit of a challenge. Next door to the takeaway shop is a booze shop. Where I have been a frequent visitor over the years. So I walked boldly in, and saw all the cheap booze on display. I had a $50 note in my pocket. To make matters worse, a lady was giving away free booze!! “Would you like a glass, Sir?” she asked. After a thoughtful pause I replied “ Yeah, nah, I’ve given it up.” To which she replied, with a smile, “Good on you!”
I tell you friends, that was so empowering. To say NO to free booze. Well, yeah, nah actually. Fried rice never tasted so good. A sober Saturday night coming up with wifey. ☺
It's ironic you should say that as I too went past my old liquor shop today, looked in and carried on. I think they must be missing my business, but how wonderful it was just passing by and not going in.
DeleteWell done you though, it is empowering and it is a mark of strength you did it so pat on the back for you.
Have a wonderful sober night :)
Thanks so much to you all who have replied to my post. Wow it gives me such a warm fuzzy feeling knowing I have all your support. I'll be clocking in here tomorrow at 4.55 (pm of course) to get through those couple of hours
ReplyDeleteYup, that's the worst for many of us - around 4.55 to 7.00. Get through that two hour window and life is great for (almost) the next 24 hours. Maybe we could give those two hours a pithy name? Day 14 coming up for moi. Hangin' in there!! xx
ReplyDeleteHoly crap Sober Community, tough night last night. Awards night [hubby's work] and I was caught off guard with how tough I found it. I really struggled with the whole no alcohol status. Wine Wine everywhere and I didn't think I'd make it. I was surrounded and I didn't think I could do it. I wasn't expecting to feel like that. I did go to the toilet at one point to deep breathe and fire off a post on my phone [but it didn't work]. It's now the morning after and I'm fine, still a little shell shocked by how I felt last night but I'm sober and ready to get on with my day. Conference in 2 weeks and that's clearly going to be tough to. I thought I was all sorted, finding it easy but last night was my first big event and I was caught out unprepared. I did it though, I made it.
ReplyDeleteBreezi, it's you they should have given a special award to! Not easy, but you did it - and that means you can do it again. You tock!
DeleteHi Breezi - good on you! You did it! Well done. Very tough situation but you won!
Deletecongratulations Breezi! Your right. It is not easy when the wine is flowing everywhere around you BUT you did it! Now you know what to expect for next time, you will be prepared (mentally). Each time does get easier. You can do it. Have a wonderful non-hungover Sunday!
DeleteOghh Breezi, congratulations for sticking to ya guns and getting through what I can imagine was a very tough night. The feeling of temptation is so strong, and I found at one social function I was at part of my mind was saying it's free and a waste that you aren't enjoying it. It is just the voices in our head that are trying to trick us into giving in. So proud of you for sticking at it over night. Bugger about your phone not sending the message through.
Deletethanks guys. I think the toughest part was I didn't see it coming. All good now though and yep I did it totally sober. That's quite neat. Crazy what the mind can do aye:).
DeleteSorry, rock ...
ReplyDeleteHi Breezi, You did it, you stayed sober, how awesome.
ReplyDeleteI am really early days and have not done anything like that yet but I have preplanned when I think alcohol will come up, it has been my saving grace and I have felt confident saying when my lovely friend came over and bought abottle of wine for me for looking after her daughter for the weekend, I had seen the scenario in my head and saw myself saying oh really lovely of you but I'm not drinking, please take it home with you. I will not allow wine to come into my home, not yet anyway, Im 15 days sober I am a single Mum so I don't have any need for alcohol to be in my home, lucky I know.
Back to you Breezi, you did it! High fives!!
Next step conference, I think it really helps seeing different scenarios and planning what you are going to do, Good luck, remember it's poison you don't need that shit in your life
xx
OMG... usually I check in on Mrs D every day to follow what's going on in her sober newsfeed, and to see if she's written a new post, but Holy Shit! The comments on this blog are now the best thing about it (sorry Mrs D, you've been upstaged by your commenters!). It's so wonderful to see the support, the questions and answers, the cheering along that everyone's doing. I have relied on the sober blogs to stay sober for the last nearly two years. It's an amazing community on here, and I'm so grateful for everyone's generosity and humour. Really looking forward to the new website too. XXX to all of you.
ReplyDeleteI know right Sue! I only found Mrs D a couple of months ago,since her appearance on T.V. Never been a blogger before and this way of encouragement and support is just awesome. It feels like being sober is going to be just as trendy as non smoking! Oh how wonderful that would be!!
DeleteYou are so right Sue Kerr. It's my AA. I blog nearly every day, I read the comments here, I comment on other people's blogs. Its so damn awesome. xx
DeleteA few months ago I was struggling with an afternoon away from wine, and couldn't comprehend lasting more than a day. Now with this community and admitting I have a problem I feel I can get there. Thanks Mrs D, and everyone on here. Can't wait for the new website too, should be fantastic
DeleteHi all Well I have had a very social couple of days. Opportunities came up and I decided it was time. Ironically hubbie came home Friday night and said he was too tired to go out to the party, but I said we should go. I was all prepared and ready to do this so I wasn't going to not go. I felt ready for this first real test.
ReplyDeleteSo it was a boozey crowd and I came prepared with a beautiful glass jug already filled with a lot of ice, mojito cordial, cut up limes and mint in it. I simply added my soda water when we arrived and put it on breakfast bar and drank it out of a wine glass all evening.
I thought it was great and I didn't even notice that I wasn't drinking wine as the company was good and I still had my wine glass in tow and it actually looked like my trusty old Lindauer.
But get this - I had forgotten that I had told my friend I wasn't drinking when she first invited us a few weeks back, as I had replied to her that we probably wouldn't be there as I was no longer drinking, but then we turned up anyway.
We were amongst the first to arrive and she was well on her way (it was interesting viewing people through sober eyes) and everyone she introduced me to she would say "this is my very very dear friend and she used to drink like us but she has given up drinking" it was bizarre but it was a relief. In fact at one point she stumbled on the right wording for explaining that I used to drink and I quickly interrupted with Mrs Ds comment and filled in the gaps and said "was an enthusiastic wine drinker" (love that line).
So I didn't have to pretend to be drinking or come up with why. It was done. Thanks to her and she was sooo proud of me! Mind you she was half cut!!!
Anyway we had a great night and stayed for hours and the next day I turned up to football for my son and one of the people from the party was there and she yells out far too loud as I approach the bench "oh my God how is your head??? - mine is killing me - I've just downed a sausage roll and hoping that will have an effect". Clearly this one had missed out on my hosts special introductions!!
I was so proud to be able to reply in front of all the other parents - "I feel great - mind you I wasn't drinking last night". She was horrified - "what!! - you mean you were sober all night - oh my God you must have thought we were such dicks!!" I reassured her that I thought no such thing and it would normally be me.
What I am noticing is that as long as you aren't judgemental of them, they are all in all impressed with you. The fear of rejection was just that - a fear. It is a myth.
So last night was round two. Had people over for dinner and it wasn't even raised that I wasn't drinking. I happily sipped on my soda water concoction, enjoyed a beautiful meal with great company. They had a wonderful night and didn't leave until midnight. If I had been drinking there is no way I would have made it up that long and the last couple of hours would have really dragged as I would have been desperate for bed (having pre-loaded and started far too early whilst cooking).
So ironically the socialising is actually better sober - it is a fallacy that drinking makes you more sociable - it doesn't!!!
Hey there Squizzi, that is fantastic news that both nights went so well for you. And people didn't judge you, and in fact were impressed. I too have found it very uplifting telling people, mainly at the start of the night while they are still coherent.. and socialising makes no different whether you have a skin full or are stone cold sober. Hats off to ya
DeleteEnjoyed your post v.much squizzi. Thanks :)
DeleteAgree 100% that sober socializing is far better. I didn't realise that drinking actually made me anxious, not relaxed.
DeletePS Welcome to all the newbies - isn't this great!!! Mrs D you are a godsend! You are touching the lives of so many people. Who knew? I love that post "Its a Revolution" it certainly feels like it. Just wish I had done it earlier...
ReplyDeleteMrs S gets sober I read your latest blog. I was just like you, in fact your story could be mine. Three years ago I sobered up. did rehab, followed by the bridge programme,I used antabuse for one year and have remained sober since. You have to be wary of relapsing as you can get on a relapsing cycle that becomes the norm. Do what ever you can to stay sober. Remember one day at a day. Soberity is the biggest gift you can give to your children. My children trust me now and love me. Once a upon a time they wouldnt even trust me to leave the house alone. Hope you have a sober week.
ReplyDeleteDay 1 for me yesterday. I posted a couple of days ago about lying my way through Dry July. The couple of comments I received were enough to really help me start on the road to sobriety - for real. Yesterday wasn't too bad and I slept well last night. Was looking forward to feeling great today - but I can't deny it - I felt terrible this morning and looked even worse!!!! I guess my body is in shock after the years of abuse to suddenly have it taken away. Quiet day for me today but no drinking :) Its only 1pm and I know the battle will begin about mid-afternoon but I'm not going back to bloody day 1 AGAIN!! :)
ReplyDeleteWell done on having day one done and dusted. Hope day two goes well. I had headaches at the beginning. They actually felt a lot like hangovers. It seemed really unfair. I think you're right - its a bit of a shock to the system. I did everything I could to make myself feel better - long hot baths and reading lots and lots of books and blogs about sobriety worked well. Most will say one day at a time but for me it was tackling that first week head on as a chunk of time I wanted to get through. I've dealt in sizeable chunks of time ever since. Whatever works for you. Good luck.
DeleteWell done too on day 1. I am in early days and am going to log in here at 5pmish and am hoping others will be here also so we can in unison stomp on any urges to consume poison. YUK when you call it that, but that's exactly what it is.
DeleteWell done on Day one, and the body does take time to adjust, My body has taken a bit to get used to things, just give it time. Well done on the steps you have taken
DeleteIm with you anonymous. Feel and look like shite! It fecking hard this giving up business. Moments of definite promise and determination then undermined by the obsequious snake, booze. Need a sponsor.... or just someone to call in these moments... I actually sat in my car outside liquor store tonight and listened to the bubblehour on my phone. ..and read these posts. My brain all the while justifying how I was different and confirming I was ok.
DeleteDo you have any friend ps you can call? It's a good idea to have a sponsor if you feel a weak moment. You can do this, try and drive a different route home! I had to tell one of my friends, who is a big boozer not to come over with his wine bottle just for a few weeks until I get used to this. I'm fine now, but I knew a year ago I had to stop so was well on my way to stopping when the day actually came.
DeleteWeak moments are fine to have, just don't give in. Weak moments are part of the recovery process.
Hope you are feeling good this morning and have a clear head. The tiredness will fade and you won't know yourself in a months time :) xx
Well it's 5 o,clock and I am in charge. No way am I going to drink. I am going to bed sober tonite. I am going to wake up in the morning feeling proud that I have one more day. YAY. No lizards are getting into my brain tonite. Fist pump!!!!
ReplyDeleteGo you.. You can do this Jules and you will feel amazing for it in the morning... and in fact I was surprised how good I felt going to bed sober too.,....
DeleteYay you jules....will.check in again tomoro at 5ish for us both. C u then
DeleteOk sea change c u around 5ish Monday.
DeleteYou there jules?...no lizards tonight???
DeleteI'm going to drink a toast to all of you for being so strong....drink of water that is!
ReplyDeleteCheers to that... mine is a soda water & lime tonight.. ching ching to everyone on this journey
DeleteThanks Martin. I totally agree. Going to bed sober "Rocks"!!!!!
DeleteHi five to that Jules, and not having to get up 2-3 times during the night in the cold winter... am sleeping so much better
DeleteDay 2 today off wine and smokes. Feeling really shitty actually and really close to tears. This is harder than i expected and i thought i'd prepared for the tough times!! Has been great to read everyones posts though, you are all an inspiration!!
ReplyDeleteWine and smokes. Shit, you deserve two medals! Hang in there. It will be tough, but with our support and your determination to beat this shit, you can do it! If you anything like me you can start to relax around 7.00, and give yourself a pat on the back. :)
DeleteAs a close mate said to me a couple of weeks ago, the good things in life are worth going through hard times for. No one will tell you it is easy Sid, but believe me it does get easier. Just take it one step at a time, and have a damn good cry if ya want to... be proud of what you are doing and take it all in small steps. You can do this
DeleteThankyou very much Inthegarage. Yep it is definitely harder at this time of day but like you say, will start to relax 7ish. Craving subsided while reading posts thank god! Was white knuckling it for a while there (as Mrd D would say). Congats on day 14 and thanks again ☺
DeleteYup. The clock is now well into the evil hour. But I'm in control of that evil little voice in my head tonight. Reading all your comments helps so much my friends. Stay strong! We can do this!
ReplyDeleteI liked your idea of giving that evil hour a name... but my creative juices aren't flowing just yet.. will give it some thought... - The Witching Hour???
DeletePut out the recyling and the rubbish tonight. Usually I have 2-3 plastic bags of wine & beer bottles sitting out the front of my house on a Sunday night waiting for collection on a Monday morning. Now there is 1/2 a bag of misc plastics... I didn't think about that before, but it made me smile and feel pretty good, another reason to to feel great to be Sober....
ReplyDeleteA LITTLE POETRY
ReplyDeleteBooze booze booze booze
The more you drink the more you lose.
That evil voice inside your head,
piss off you piece of shit.
I don’t need booze, I don’t need you,
I’m over it. I QUIT.
Three weeks wine/alcohol free and I have to say after all the agonising and angst over losing my "best friend" - wine - the overwhelming feeling I have is one of relief and calm. After seeing the Sunday programme (bloody brave and brilliant Mrs D) and realising how my drinking was affecting myself and my family, I decided it had to go. Being one of those who has given up or "cut back" many a time, I wasn't sure how I would go but weighed up the positives of my drinking (there were none any more - haven't been for years - not sure there ever were) against the negatives of my drinking (where do I start with that list?) and figured that I'm done at long last. Didn't make any grandiose statements, just told my long suffering hubby that I wasn't going to drink anymore and that he needed to support me. Done. I've had approximately seven offers of wine in the last three weeks which I've turned down - unheard of for me. It hasn't been as hard as I imagined.... big test was last night - went to an evening where "first drink was free".... three weeks ago I would have bullied my husband into giving me his glass of wine after I'd sculled mine as quick as I could. Instead I had a soft drink and didn't feel too disadvantaged at all. When I think about my drinking and the fact I've given it up, all I feel is calm. I used to use the excuse of the "stress of the day" and whatever calamity a busy mum of three would encounter as a reason for a "wind down" wine after work, but it couldn't be just one wine so was drinking most days, in excess for any reason really. Now that I don't have the "crutch" of the bottle waiting, I try to stay cool and not sweat the small stuff. I look forward to having a proper coffee when I get home and feel that that takes the "edge" off whatever has happened that day and makes me still feel like I'm having a "treat". I feel calm when I realise I won't have to wake in the middle of the night with a pounding heart and the dry horrors and wondering what I've done or said the night before to embarrass myself. I feel calm when I know I can wake up each morning with a clear head, ready to go for a walk. I feel calm when I know I'm now treating my body with respect and not polluting it with alcohol at every turn. Reading these posts have been a revelation.... I've always been the biggest drinker out of my whole group of friends so have never been able to share my "shame" about the ramifications of this. To know that we are all here to support and encourage each other is a marvel and a blessing. I look forward to checking in each day. Good luck to all.
ReplyDeleteThat is fantastic, well done and keep going. look forward to reading more about your journey..
DeleteGood on you. You've just made one of the most important decisions of your life. It won't be easy, but know that you are not alone!
DeleteMy second Sober Sunday. Cool bananas. Now listen up. It seems to me that lots of us struggle with our 5.00 body clock. Because that’s drink time!! Well, it used to be. So my suggestion is, that if we are really struggling around that time, and the evil little shit voice is jabbering away in our heads to “Have just one, go on, I dare you!,” then we go on the Blog, and tell it like it is. And you can bet that there will be lots of us in the same situation. By sharing our 5.00 fight, we will be encouraged by what others are going through, and we will win this battle one day at a time!
ReplyDeleteThere's lots of reasons why I've quit drinking. My profile picture is one of them. What're yours?
ReplyDeleteOk, so that didn't work. :(
DeleteHi inthegarage. The biggest reason for me is I'm getting on in years (60) and am just sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. I am going to live the rest of my life "my way"
DeleteHi jules. just checking in...remembered this afternoon about our 5pm sober check in...and then forgot till now. Hope youre doing well.
Deleteyep inthegarage the witching hour(s) begin around 3:30 for me - start feeling jittery - have the internal discussion over and over - for some reason Mondays are the worst for me - it generally lasts till around 5:30 - 6 - worst part of the day for a lot of us I think - i hate the feeling - it's a good time to jump on here and get some moral support and it gets me through another day - 19 days ticked off - thanks to everyone on here!! we are the brave and wonderful non drinkers and we rock!
ReplyDeleteJust reading Mrs d s book
ReplyDeleteDay one for me again.....so identify with the pattern of drinking. I function but one look round my house and at my kids lets me know the chaos I'm causing. This has to be it for me. I'm 50 and luckily fit and healthy apart from my dependence on wine. I would love to live my life sober.
Me too ruby. Me too.
DeleteWhat worked for me was to put any reminders of wine away, my wine rack was put in a black rubbish sack and now it's in the garage. All my wine glasses are away, replaced by juice glasses.
DeleteDoesn't work for everyone and some people like to drink juice out of wine glasses, but it's too much of a reminder for me.
You both can do this if you really WANT to do it. Read Jason Vale or Allen Carrs books for more motivation.
We owe it to our friends, children, but most of all we owe it to ourselves.
Come on guys, set yourselves free, break out of that prison wine has over you. Take the control back!
Good luck and keep blogging it truly helps :) xo
Good (no-hangover) morning to you friends. Day 15 is looking good!
ReplyDeleteSo, for the late afternoon fight, have your smartphones, tablets, iPads, laptops, and computers fired up and close by, and blog, blog, blog. It doesn't matter if tea is a bit late, what's important is that we get through this day together, and we get through it sober! :)
This is my first day going sober. So wish I was already into the sober thing meaning being my Day 30 or 50 or 100th but not 1st day. No feelings at this stage but doubt whether I can do it.
ReplyDeleteHey there!
DeleteYou want to turn the ship around, you have already won with your decision to put yourself first.
Maybe you shouldn't count the days. If that doesn't resonate with you that is cool. It's your life and you can drive it any damn way you please.
You can do it. Any improvement at all is a movement in the right direction.
This drinking thing, it's not you, it's not your essence. The unique and valuable person that you are has implored you to get the booze out of your life. You must be a strong and incredible person to hear yourself over the confusion and dysfunction that the medicinal looney juice brings.
We are all here for you and so glad you have found the support you deserve.
Mrs D can do it and so can you.
Big supportive hug,
Penny
Thank you Penny. Great to know there is all this support out there.
DeleteHi anonymous - you have taken the first step. My day one was on 15th July - after another binge - didnt even make it into work that day - I felt utterly disgusted with myself for getting pissed yet again! I felt like you didn't think I could do this and revert back to my old cycle, binge one day, recover the next, binge, recover, like a broken bloody record. I was so tired of it all - have faith in yourself my friend you CAN do this - day 20 now - it's hard but the rewards are HUGE xx hang in there - Penny gave you a big supportive hug and now here's another one from me!
DeleteThanks Nancy pants x
DeleteDear anonymous just one hour at a time, do anything not to pick up the first drink, it is the first one that does the damage not the last drink. Have faith in yourself. Keep reading the blogs and posting it will help.
ReplyDeleteThank you and thank goodness for all the reading and blogs out there.
DeleteLike they say one is too many and a thousand is not enough!! So true. Take it minute by minute if u have to.
ReplyDeleteThanks Jen G
DeleteHi Anonymous
ReplyDeleteI'm on day 17 - what??!! Me??!! I didn't think I could do it either. Somehow, I made it through the first night without drinking alcohol. That wasn't easy. But it was great going to bed sober and even better waking up knowing I'd managed 1 - just 1 - night without booze. Guess what? The second night I knew I could do it again! It wasn't easy, but if I'd done it once, well, I could do it again - and again the next and so on. It gets easier. I find planning a meal early in the day helps (my inspiration to pour a glass was walking into the kitchen and thinking what to cook for dinner, pour a glass, think and sip (more like slurp), etc. So I pour a big soda water and lime in a wine glass, and 15 minutes later I'm coping. By the time dinner's on the table I know I won't be having a wine with it and that's fine. As some others have said, take it just a day, an hour or a minute at a time. The cravings pass and the whoohoo when you do it is worth it! Stay strong. You can do it too!
Awesome feedback.... That's just cool
DeleteI recently found this blog... blogs in general of people living with alcoholism. Im in the US and my problem is beer mainly. Yet, this group of bloggers i feel a connection too.Ive recently lost my best girl friend to a horrid night of us both drinking. Prior to this i tried to commit suicide. I know i want to quit for good yet weakness and desire of not wanting to hurt inside anymore leads to another night of binge drinking. Which i do once or twice a week. I feel so alone and dont want to lose myself, or anyone else in my life from my addiction... :-( im on day 2 of sobriety and already want to drink. Feel my binges are becoming more frequent.
ReplyDelete