I've got the most gorgeous photo of my sons approaching the bedroom on Saturday morning with my soberversary breakfast. Son #1 was holding a tray with my card on it (I shared the picture they drew on Facebook) and a bagel that had been warmed in the toaster then covered with cream cheese. Son #2 was holding a mug of tea in one hand (made with lukewarm water, I don't think they waited for the jug to actually boil) and a glass of orange juice in the other hand. And son #3 was holding a new cookbook for me behind his back.
It was all organized by Mr D before he went away for the weekend and executed by the boys themselves. It was so cute!! I'd been under strict instructions not to get out of bed .. so I'd been lying there in the half dark listening to them get it sorted .. and thankfully thought to grab my phone and snap a photo as they approached the door. I've got it set as my wallpaper now. I love it. They all look so excited and cute.
Taking a soberversary breakfast to their mum.
What does this mean for their lives? They know that mum going 3 years without alcohol is something big and fun to celebrate. Obviously they don't fully understand alcohol and addiction .. but they know there is an element of danger attached to booze, and they seem to have a strange deep knowledge that mum is doing something big by not drinking any more. I don't know how exactly this translates in their minds but I know they are really proud of me. I can see it in their faces. They understand just enough to know it's a big deal.
It is a big deal.
I love that my boys are growing up with the full facts about booze - that it can be fun and enjoyable but it has a dark side. I love that they know alcohol can affect people differently - that they have a mum who doesn't drink alcohol and is open about why that is ("because I can't control it, because once I start drinking it I find it very hard to stop") and they have a dad who models moderate drinking.
They'll all try alcohol.. one or more of them might have 'the gene' (is there such a thing?) and go through a period of drinking too much..? Maybe..? Maybe one or more of them won't drink much at all..? Who knows..? Maybe the world will change dramatically in the next 10-20 years and alcohol won't be as prevalent and wedded into our society then as it is now. I don't know.
All I know is that right now we are bringing up our boys with full knowledge about the pros and cons of booze, and an understanding of the importance of honesty and self-awareness. And as parents that's all we can do.
That, and teach them how to boil the jug.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Beautiful post!! Congratulations and thank you!
ReplyDeleteGorgeous! I think there is a gene, hence our role modelling is vital. That is a big motivator for me. I don't want any of my 3 cherubs experiencing what I have and equally not experiencing what I have missed out on or participated in hung over! LIfe is too precious. The jug boiling is a classic and leaving the tea bag in the water more than a few seconds is the next big tip.
ReplyDeleteIt is a big deal. And, yes, I agree that role modelling is so important. You can't take back what they may have seen, or experienced, but you can show them it's possible to change
ReplyDeleteawww that is the cutest thing ever :-) bless their cotton socks
ReplyDeleteSo lovely. It has been such a huge motivator seeing how happy and excited my girl was when I told her I was going to stop. She keeps asking how I am doing, and is excited for my progress. My 11 year old does not want her Mum to drink - that says a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteSo glad your cute and wonderful boys gave you such a lovely morning, and that you get to role model for them. Yay for our families being different from what they could have been, Yay for us x
I loved this - how completely fab that your boys are celebrating this with you, they sound brilliant and can make me a cup of luke warm tea any day!! I've tried to be open with my kids about alcohol, but the younger two don't really get it, they just know that "mummy doesn't drink wine any more." I had a more in depth chat with my eldest about the effects booze can have on you, and - particularly after seeing the antics of some drunk adults at a festival which upset him - has declared at the age on 9 that he will never drink alcohol! I expect he will feel very differently as he gets older, and that is fine too, but I am so happy that I am able to model for him a alternative sober lifestyle in our booze-soaked culture. Our kids will see that there are different ways to live. xx
ReplyDeleteCongrats on 3 years :)
ReplyDeleteI love this. Different people handle sharing knowledge of their struggles with their children in their own way. I for one always want my children to know as much as is appropriate about my own struggles with addiction. I don't want them growing up in some nonsense fairytale that doesn't really exist. I want to model for them that I am faced with very real and very difficult struggles and that with my Higher Power on my side and a strong recovery program, I can live a productive and happy life despite my struggles and not because I don't have any. Thank you for your blog, and happy soberversary!
ReplyDeleteI remember my family loving to see my new annual sober chip when I was presented with it at my local meeting. Some years on though it isn't such a big deal for them - maybe that is as it should be.
ReplyDeleteOh of course - big congrats on your 3 years that is a super achievement
ReplyDeleteLoved reading you story of the 3 year anniversary. What a great team all 4 of you are. Congratulations.
ReplyDeleteGorgeous and lovely. It is also very possible that one or more of them may decide never to drink with the knowledge they have. Not every teen drinks- not every teen has. Just like not every teen tries a cig or dope- some simply NEVER want to- some just know not to. But at the end of the day the best we parents can do is empower them with all the facts and the rest will be up to them. Scarey that as a parent. sigh.
ReplyDeleteBravo my friend!!! Happy soberversary!!! Hugs and love and all good things to you.
ReplyDeleteSherry
Congratulations, Mrs. D! I'm fairly new here, but have been reading long enough to be inspired by your journey. Thank you. :)
ReplyDeleteSometimes it doesnt matter what we role model our children grow up and do what they want to do anyway. Alcohol isnt an evil monster, it is our own doing that we twisted it by drinking way to much and letting it rule our lives. We should stop judging others and the way they drink and just worry about our selves.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for all you have done! I have not had a drink since watching Sunday - have though about drinking way to much over the years and now it is gone I feel free. I may have got to this point one day without you. You are really helping people so much. Congratulations on three years and many more to come!
ReplyDeleteThat's really nice of them but luke warm tea!..... tut, tut.....you should have sent it back ;-)
ReplyDeleteFYI Just tried healtheries vanilla chai tea
ReplyDeleteIt's delicioso!