Monday, October 2, 2017

Out of the darkness and into the light..

I know Facebook can be a tricky place emotionally for us sober people.

Sometimes I see photos of people I know out in town having drinkies, or families I know having BBQs together, and it can make me feel a bit sad and left out like being sober has cut me out of the fun. Usually I get hit with these sad and left-out feelings when I'm tired or low in mood already. If I'm in a good strong place I see those images and don't give a jot. So I can usually quickly flip my sad and left-out feelings around to recognise where I'm at emotionally and that helps.

I've also had experiences when I've been interviewed for a newspaper article about something to do with sobriety or my books or whatever.. and that media company has shared the link on their Facebook page and the comments section underneath the post has been less than kind (especially when I dared to suggest that taking alcohol out of the supermarkets would be a nice recognition that alcohol isn't a harmless ordinary commodity for some of us). Some people can be very unkind and, frankly, downright rude and awful when they comment on such posts. That is Facebook at it's worst.

But I have to say that on my own Facebook page (which is called Mrs D Is Going Without) I am constantly blown away by how lovely and kind everyone is! I just published a post there yesterday which was called 'Twenty reasons why hangover free weekend mornings are the best' and it's had a very awesome response.

I'm most surprised at how honest people are being on Facebook about their own situation. I thought Facebook would be a tricky place for people to open up about their struggles with alcohol because it's so public. But maybe the tide is turning and more people are feeling unashamed to admit that they have a problem. Certainly on my Facebook page it seems like more people are comfortable stating they've faced up to the fact that alcohol is causing grief in their life, they've working hard to take it away and now they feel so much better without it!

And that's the best thing about more people being honest in public, it starts to broaden the message and get it more out there that not only is it possible to live without alcohol but preferable! When I was stuck in a boozy hell-hole I only had a very vague notion that people got sober and got happy.. mostly I was just brainwashed to think that alcohol was necessary for a fun, full life and living without it would lead to abject misery and boredom.

IT'S JUST NOT TRUE! I don't touch alcohol ever, don't miss it and have a great, full life! And now it seems to me more people are publicly backing this up and agreeing. That's so great! Because for every one person being honest on Facebook there are probably 15 more who are lurking and still feeling lonely and stuck and perhaps ashamed (they shouldn't - there is no shame in getting addicted to something that is addictive. That doesn't make us bad or weak people.) And if those lurkers can see more people expressing joy and freedom at living alcohol free perhaps they'll feel strengthened to give it a go as well.

And that's what this is all about. That is why I blog and Facebook and Instagram and Tweet and run Living Sober.. to drag more people out of a boozy hell and into sobriety. Come out of the darkness and into the light. Leave that shitty liquid behind that is lying to you, stifling your inner spark and numbing your emotions.. and start to live sober.

Raw, real, recovered. I highly recommend it.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Yeah bring it all on. Loved your post and all the responses. I even saw two people I know on there and they would have seen my comment and I don't care coz yes it needs to be out in the light xox

  2. It's true. More people are putting it out there that they are going sober and I love it :) It's time we looked at our lifestyles and for me (lack of) and live life on life terms,but armed with much healthier coping strategies. I'm in and proud to be in charge for a change :) x

  3. Thank you. :-)And yes to the ugly and the beauty of Facebook.
    In case one did not know: to hide unwanted (booze) messages on FB push the upper right button (3 tiny dots) on the post and then select 'hide message'. It is always possible to unhide it later. This way the post does not keep on popping back up when friends react to it.
    xx, Feeling

  4. I have had very similar Facebooking experiences.

    Although I find, even if it is all positive, I am hooked on Facebook for bad reasons. Just to see how many likes and shares i get. That's why I'm trying to just be off it as much as possible. And when I'm on it, share honestly what is going on with me.

    1. I know we share this love/hate relationship with Facebook Mark, it is that dopamine hit it gives you! Powerful and scary stuff, but what you share when you do show up is always so beautiful, I am glad you are still there!

  5. I was amazed when I realised that there were so many people out in the world living life without alcohol and having a great life...prior to getting sober I too thought that alcohol was the only way to have a good time, but can see clearly now that this is possibly one of the most powerful lies we have been sold - the harm alcohol does, and the unhappiness it creates is so devastating, it amazes me that it persists so much. I am pretty sure I wouldn't be so open about my own journey had I not discovered the online sober bloggers who inspired me to share my own journey, and knowing that it helps those lurkers, everytime one person shares honestly, is a beautiful gift!

    1. This is exactly my thoughts!
      I am like you! It took me blogging to become braver, and I came out on FB this summer.

  6. Facebook has it's pros and cons, but I love the online support for those who are sober, rethinking their relationship with alcohol, taking a break from booze, dabbling in sobriety, etc. I first got the motivation to change my relationship with alcohol by reading sober blogs and it was eye opening! I am part of a secret group on Facebook for those who took a six week stop drinking course (members only and people have to be added to see posts) and I love it. It's great to keep in touch with people after the class ended, provides support and motivation, and let's us know that us folks who have had issues with booze are far from alone in this world. Thanks Mrs. D for all you do on social media! Ignore the rude comments from people too. Many hide behind a computer screen and take their own issues out on others since they feel safe hiding on the web.

  7. Hi Mrs. D- I just discovered your blog and all I can say is wow can I relate to your posts. I am experiencing a wave of awareness flowing over me of how problematic my drinking has always been and how well I have managed to live my life in a way that masks and hides the problem. Thank you so much for your honest words here. It has been so immensely helpful to read about your journey.

  8. Thank you for this post. Addiction is definitely an overwhelming epidemic in the USA Today. It is a problem that needs to be addressed. I am now clean and sober, after many attempts at various types of rehabs and sober livings.