Monday, February 19, 2018

Itchy and scratchy

I'm feeling a bit itchy and scratchy at the moment. Restless and bored. I need something new in my life. A new job. A new project. A new something-a-rather. I have no idea what. I'm a bit stuck and bored of my work and stuff. It's not the end of the world but I need some change, I'm aware of that.

I'm scratching around at the edges looking for new opportunities, not hustling like a mad woman but poking my nose in a few places. I'd love to be in the right place doing something stimulating and engaging, interacting with cool people, feeling valued and busy. That's what I'd like.

But I'd also like to be very available at home to parent my sons. So I need to find a balance. Hopefully something right will come along. Maybe it will take a wee while and I just have to be patient in the meantime and enjoy what I do have. Count my blessings.

* Good health
* Happy family
* Some work that is rewarding (but not enough)
* A robust sobriety

And it is that last point that will see me right most of all. Because I am sober and 100% present in my life and grounded in the truth I won't stagnate and get bitter or too miserable. I'll stay alert to my circumstance and slowly work to change things around.

Sobriety means never staying stuck. It's impossible to avoid anything in sobriety. That's what makes it so hard sometimes! But ultimately so great because you tend to work to fix things rather than leave them be for months and years.

So I'll just try to sit in my truth, push out at the edges to try find something new, and enjoy what I do have going on the meantime.

On another note we went to a wedding last weekend and a brilliant time. Lots of chatting and feeling the love but most of all DANCING! I danced for hours and hours to a brilliant guitarist that had the whole party on the dance floor. I don't know how one man and his guitar managed to sound like a fantastic DJ and live band at the same time but he did! So great.

I didn't spend the evening wishing I was boozing like most others were at the event. I am so happy in my sober skin and extremely grateful to be living a life far removed from the boozy, disconnected one I was over six years ago.

I don't miss the sloppy, drunk, emotionally stunted version of myself at all.

Love, Mrs D xxx

P.S. This is a photo montage I made of the event for my Facebook page.


Friday, February 2, 2018

A new parenting phase..

There are many times that I feel supremely grateful to be sober, but none more so than this week.

Our eldest boy has just started high school. So it has been a week of tension and stress (him) and emotion and busyness (me). I've been helping organise his stationery and get his uniform together, I've sat through welcome ceremonies and deciphered timetables. It all feels quite new and exciting for all of us and I'm so proud of our boy. But boy he can be grumpy when he's tired and under pressure!

He hates getting up early in the morning so rising to be out the door by 7.30am is a shock to the system. He's been going to his new school for 3 days but today is the first day that all of the school year groups are in attendance (all those much bigger boys!) so I got up early to make some muffins (because I'm a domestic goddess ha ha).

6.45am and I was pottering around the kitchen with the dog. The sun was rising over the hills out our kitchen window and my mug of peppermint tea was delicious. I felt so grateful to be hangover free and clear-headed. I felt so grateful to have my feet fully on the ground as my son enters this new phase of his life. It was a lovely peaceful time.

Unfortunately the peace was soon shattered. I was informed that the PE gear needed to be washed so quickly did it by hand and shoved it in the dryer. Unfortunately this meant that it was still damp when it was time to go.. so despite my motherly brilliance with the muffins ultimately I was just the biggest annoying pain in the arse ever and son left the house grumpy.

Sigh.

I think parenting teenagers is going to be hard work. A huge exercise in staying calm, taking shit but not too much and organising and sorting but not too much (or else how are they going to learn? He should have given me his stinky PE gear last night!).

But I'm up for it, and so grateful that I'm entering these years as a sober woman, not a boozy disconnected lush. I know it's going to be a rollercoaster and I'm going to handle things badly at times and have motherly guilt and regret. But that's ok too. I'm sober, not perfect. And that's perfectly ok.

But right now.. having waved my grumpy boy off ("a wet PE top is better than a stinky one!"), and written this post, I think I'm going to crawl back into bed with a book. Self care right there. I deserve it.

Love, Mrs D xxx