Monday, July 23, 2018

Slice of life (and lemon)

It's 4.27pm on a Monday afternoon. I'm sitting at the kitchen bench drinking from a glass filled with fizzy water and a big slice of lemon. I've just made tomorrow night's dinner (chicken fajitas) and soon will embark on tonight's dinner (fish and veggies parcels). The Greatest Showman soundtrack is playing loudly which is cheesy as hell but fun to sing to. The dog is prowling around the kitchen looking for scraps of food. Now he's given up and is lying on the rug. 

Eldest son (nearly 14) is sitting at his PC in the study watching YouTube and surfing Instagram on his phone at the same time. Youngest son (8) is playing Arc on the PlayStation in the TV room. Middle son (12) is at his swim training. He'll need to be picked up in an hour or so.

I'm feeling pretty tired as I'm working two jobs right now while still running the house and kids etc. And it's been a busy weekend. I hosted a birthday party sleepover for our middle son and 3 of his friends and also had my mum staying. Also, because I'm tired my food choices haven't been great lately and I'm a bit frustrated that the house is a dusty, cluttered mess. But none of this is terrible and I know that everything is elevated because I'm tired. 

So I'm practicing mindfulness - focusing on what my hands are doing and what is before my eyes - rather than getting lost in negative thought patterns. And I'm being kind to myself, accepting that life is up and down, trusting that I'll pick myself up again and congratulating myself for being grounded and aware.

I think it's important right now that I remember what a fucking legend I am for being sober. Excuse me for blowing my own trumpet but sometimes being in long term recovery means I forget to celebrate the turn my life has taken and the improvements I have made to my world - both internal and external.

Because this picture could be quite different. I could be 2 wines deep right now, slightly buzzed and disconnected. I could be hungover from the weekend and struggling every day with an intense internal dialogue about my drinking. I could be regretting things I've done or said recently while under the influence.  I could be fighting with my husband or other relatives, or dealing with angsty friendships. But none of this is my reality.

My reality is tiredness, emotions, awareness, gratitude and a big glass of fizzy water with a large slice of lemon. Perfection, really.

Love, Mrs D xxx

12 comments:

  1. OH I get this! Actually, by now, 6 years later, you could very likely be worrying about jail or death. Instead, you are an amazing mum, wife and daughter, and a lamp lighter for thousands of us who are so grateful you shared your story and grateful for the wonderful community you have created over at Living Sober.

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  2. I’m envious! I would like so much to feel this way. How do you start??

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  3. "So I'm practicing mindfulness - focusing on what my hands are doing and what is before my eyes" I love this. After getting sober the next trick becomes staying sober.. and it's a completely different challenge. Living in the day, and being self-aware are the keys.

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  4. I have just finished your two books for the second time each Mrs D, filling pages of a new journal with notes from them,adding my thoughts and me- too moments as well. 39 days since I had a wine or 4,and feeling good, I'm enjoying this journey, believe it or not. Early days, baby steps but your books and blog posts and Living Sober have been a warm hand and strong shoulder.

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  5. We are strong! And today I used self-compassion in regards to my overeating.
    Hugs!
    xo
    Wendy

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  6. Great post. We most definitely are f***ing legends! Thanks for your blog and your awesome work, online and elsewhere. x

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  7. So, I went to the spa today and whilst I was in for my hour long treatment my Mum decided to take a look at your book... Mrs D is going without which I had left on my sunbed... when I arrived back she was all worried because she too had hidden an empty bottle of wine from my Dad.. I had to assure her that she wasn't an alcoholic, that was my job!
    Anyways, a little thank you for your fab book which I am halfway through - the identification is the bit I live for, it's what gets me through and makes me feel less alone and also an additional thank you for finally making me explore the blogging world

    Keep doing what you do!
    xx

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  8. hi I have just finished reading both of your books and just wanted to say thanks so much for writing them. While I have never had a problem with alcohol you could replace wine in your books with food in particular chocolate and chips and it would be me. Many yeas of dealing with emotions with eating, periods of giving up and losing weight then piling it back on again and feeling terrible. I'm 46 and have 3 kids and recognise myself as a food addict. I'm about to give up sugar and follow the bright line eating plan. I can't life without sugar and foods I consider nice and lovely but something has to give and i need to live a better life! thanks again, your writing is inspirational and I loved your second book in particular. Xx

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  9. I'm on day 11 of no drinking alcohol and I've just started to read your book Mrs D is going without. I haven't missed the hangovers, the blackouts but have enjoyed getting up in the morning feeling fresh and energetic. Where before I was hardley eating living off the calories drinking alcohol gave me I am now on a high calorie diet to get up to the normal healthy weight I should be, and this helps focus my mind. Counting calories for the opposite effect ��. I also found myself drinking orange juice from a wine glass for the stem effect. I had a social night since stopping and was drinking non alcoholic drinks( but somewhere in my mind I thought this was cheating) but I left early even though I enjoyed myself and still had the ability to make people laugh in my sobriety state��. Well done in writing your blog and your book enjoying them both xx

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