Friday, October 19, 2012

I'm not that kind of alcoholic

I never stumbled drunkenly down the street out in full view of the public (mind you, if there'd been a camera in my house late at night you would have witnessed a fair amount of stumbling).

I certainly never drank so much that you'd ever see me vomit (always managed to get inside the house and kneel over the toilet if I ever did go that little bit too far).

I never lost any terribly important belongings when out on a bender (lucky I don't count favourite earrings as important, or that pager I once lost on the streets of London).

My drinking never affected my ability to work a job competently (although I always enthusiastically participated in work drinks).

I held down very successful interpersonal relationships despite my heavy drinking thank-you-very-much (but it's amazing how much better, stronger and more real they feel now).

I didn't go broke because I spent all our money on wine (but we are saving hundreds of dollars every month now that I don't constantly buy the stuff, not to mention all those painkillers to deal with the headaches).

I never had a face reddened by broken capillaries or terribly bloodshot eyes (although looking back I did have a certain puffiness to my appearance that has now completely gone!).

I never offended anyone while loaded to the point where I had to apologise to them the next day (but I did spend a lot of time in my own head wishing, wishing, wishing I hadn't said that thing I said the night before).

No-one ever had to talk to me about my drinking, asking if I worried about how much I drank or telling me to cut back (only because drinking steadily and heavily is totally accepted in our society and for a long time I didn't let on to anyone how dysfunctional and unhealthy my drinking was becoming).

I was in complete control. (I wasn't in the slightest, truth be told. I had no control over how much I drank. Once I started, that was it, I was on a mission to get more in me...get more in me...get more in me).

I was happy being a drinker! (I wasn't actually).

Ok, so maybe I am that kind of alcoholic. Whatever that kind of alcoholic is. If that kind of alcoholic is the kind I describe in parenthesis above, then that kind of alcoholic I am.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. What a great post Mrs. D! I was lucky in my drinking to not have a lot of extreme things happen to me either- very very lucky. If I had continued drinking, I know it was all coming though. It wasn't an if, but a when.

    Alcoholics come in all shapes, sizes, ages and types... but we all seem to have more in common than not.

    Really enjoyed! All my best, xx

  2. One word - WOW. Especially the part about thinking we had it all under control. I know for a fact that my red light malfunctioned 99% of the time. Definitely easier to cut out than to cut back. Not easy, but easier.

  3. Oh no! I was on both sides of the equation, inside and outside the parenthesis. I'm all kinds of alcoholic.

  4. Great Post again Mrs D, you're on a roll here.
    Me too, I'm totally in control here; no criminal record, clean house, Christmas shopping well under way (ish), Home cooked meals every night . . . blah blah blah. Yeah right. That's why I can't say NO for one poxy day.
    The more "functioning" the user/drinker, the easier it is the justify the using/drinking . . . And we know it's all lies, lies, lies.
    O well, sending much love to you today Mrs D x x x

  5. Isn't it funny how when we turn the interrogation lamp onto our own drinking, we find that the truth is far more glaring than we realized?

  6. I forget where I read the term "ethanol challenged" but it made me smile. So proud of you.

  7. i used to pride myself on being a Functional Alcoholic because my list resembles the one above very closely.

    Unfortunately, i could also add things like "i never went to bed on Sunday feeling good about myself" or "i never had one week without some degree of hangover"...

  8. This post rocks! I could say 'me too' to just about every sentence! I often think now about all the things I do each day and wonder how I did them while I was drinking or while I was recovering from drinking the night before? How lucky was I think nothing tragic ever happened while I was drinking. I feel guilt now because I wasn't 100% there for my kids because my brain was impaired with wine. But when I feel guilty, I now think...Well I am here now! I am more present NOW. I love being a non-drinker. I love that I can share that here!