Friday, October 19, 2012

I'm not that kind of alcoholic

I never stumbled drunkenly down the street out in full view of the public (mind you, if there'd been a camera in my house late at night you would have witnessed a fair amount of stumbling).

I certainly never drank so much that you'd ever see me vomit (always managed to get inside the house and kneel over the toilet if I ever did go that little bit too far).

I never lost any terribly important belongings when out on a bender (lucky I don't count favourite earrings as important, or that pager I once lost on the streets of London).

My drinking never affected my ability to work a job competently (although I always enthusiastically participated in work drinks).

I held down very successful interpersonal relationships despite my heavy drinking thank-you-very-much (but it's amazing how much better, stronger and more real they feel now).

I didn't go broke because I spent all our money on wine (but we are saving hundreds of dollars every month now that I don't constantly buy the stuff, not to mention all those painkillers to deal with the headaches).

I never had a face reddened by broken capillaries or terribly bloodshot eyes (although looking back I did have a certain puffiness to my appearance that has now completely gone!).

I never offended anyone while loaded to the point where I had to apologise to them the next day (but I did spend a lot of time in my own head wishing, wishing, wishing I hadn't said that thing I said the night before).

No-one ever had to talk to me about my drinking, asking if I worried about how much I drank or telling me to cut back (only because drinking steadily and heavily is totally accepted in our society and for a long time I didn't let on to anyone how dysfunctional and unhealthy my drinking was becoming).

I was in complete control. (I wasn't in the slightest, truth be told. I had no control over how much I drank. Once I started, that was it, I was on a mission to get more in me...get more in me...get more in me).

I was happy being a drinker! (I wasn't actually).

Ok, so maybe I am that kind of alcoholic. Whatever that kind of alcoholic is. If that kind of alcoholic is the kind I describe in parenthesis above, then that kind of alcoholic I am.

Love, Mrs D xxx




9 comments:

  1. What a great post Mrs. D! I was lucky in my drinking to not have a lot of extreme things happen to me either- very very lucky. If I had continued drinking, I know it was all coming though. It wasn't an if, but a when.

    Alcoholics come in all shapes, sizes, ages and types... but we all seem to have more in common than not.

    Really enjoyed! All my best, xx
    RoS

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  2. One word - WOW. Especially the part about thinking we had it all under control. I know for a fact that my red light malfunctioned 99% of the time. Definitely easier to cut out than to cut back. Not easy, but easier.

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  3. Oh no! I was on both sides of the equation, inside and outside the parenthesis. I'm all kinds of alcoholic.

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  4. Great Post again Mrs D, you're on a roll here.
    Me too, I'm totally in control here; no criminal record, clean house, Christmas shopping well under way (ish), Home cooked meals every night . . . blah blah blah. Yeah right. That's why I can't say NO for one poxy day.
    The more "functioning" the user/drinker, the easier it is the justify the using/drinking . . . And we know it's all lies, lies, lies.
    O well, sending much love to you today Mrs D x x x

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  5. Isn't it funny how when we turn the interrogation lamp onto our own drinking, we find that the truth is far more glaring than we realized?

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  6. I forget where I read the term "ethanol challenged" but it made me smile. So proud of you.

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  7. i used to pride myself on being a Functional Alcoholic because my list resembles the one above very closely.

    Unfortunately, i could also add things like "i never went to bed on Sunday feeling good about myself" or "i never had one week without some degree of hangover"...

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  8. This post rocks! I could say 'me too' to just about every sentence! I often think now about all the things I do each day and wonder how I did them while I was drinking or while I was recovering from drinking the night before? How lucky was I think nothing tragic ever happened while I was drinking. I feel guilt now because I wasn't 100% there for my kids because my brain was impaired with wine. But when I feel guilty, I now think...Well I am here now! I am more present NOW. I love being a non-drinker. I love that I can share that here!

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