Wednesday, January 16, 2013

We just have to take it away

I'm getting some lovely (sad, honest, brave) comments from new people who are obviously trawling around the internet desperately seeking answers to their questions about booze, or support for their desire to quit it, or reassurance that life without alcohol is ok, or whatever else they might be seeking.

These comments I find immensely moving and I do honestly feel the pain of these people who are at the point of despair with their drinking. I've been there, and not that long ago (18 mths or so). It's so fucking hard and so fucking unfair that it's so difficult to get this substance out of our lives - those of us who just can't moderate and be normal drinkers.

The other day I was watching Channel E's red carpet coverage of the Golden Globes. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban were strutting their stuff and I remarked out loud: "He's sober" as I often do when I spot a famous sober person. "Really?" said Mr D. "Yep" I replied. "Some people just have to take it away."

And that's the bottom line I think. For some of us there is no option but to just take it away. Just stop drinking alcohol and accept that you can never drink it ever again. Ok so it's not obviously as simple as that because learning how to live sober takes quite a bit of retraining and effort but it's definitely a journey I would recommend.

The alternative for us hopeless boozers is to keep the alcohol in our lives and spend years angsting about why we can't drink normally, feeling guilty about hardly ever being able to reign ourselves in, trying a variety of techniques to control booze (moderation, abstaining for periods of time, days on, days off etc etc), worrying, feeling like shit, not respecting ourselves and just thinking thinking thinking about alcohol all the time.

Or we could decide just to live as boozers and booze, booze, booze until the day we die. That's the other option.

But for those of us that are sick of the boozing, and sick of the angsting and the guilt (you lovely anonymous people who are commenting and lurking, who feel desperate and miserable) just know that you are not alone. There are many of us in the world who are these people who just have to take it away. We just have to take it away. Keith Urban, Rob Lowe, me!, my gorgeous brave friends whose blogs are in my reading list, countless others around the world. We are all the ones who just have to take it away.

It can be done. And I promise, life without alcohol is ok. Really it is.  Actually it's pretty fucking great.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Mrs D I also get those wonderful brave comments and emails -- there's one caution I tell others and want to say to your readers who are struggling is to persist or decide to give up drinking right away.

    I was lucky that I didn't have as great a tolerance for alcohol as many of us develop over the drinking years. That meant I didn't need to detox or go to rehab when I stopped drinking. I just stopped and went off in search of others like me who could help me stay stopped.

    But if you are drinking very heavily, please don't try to stop without some kind of medical intervention, supervision or support in case you do suffer the DTs or risk having convulsions. Call someone or go to Emergency Casualty if you have heart palpitations, a 'creepy-crawly skin' or find yourself hallucinating or losing consciousness. Alcoholism is a fucking nasty business for many of us. Please don't underestimate it.

  2. Ah, Mrs D, once again you say something perfect. Yes, that's it in a nutshell. That's exactly what I was thinking about last night as I watched people drinking in a restaurant and resisted the waiter's enticement to order 'a cheeky glass of wine' while I waited. I was thinking about how I just can't. For me, I just can't. I wish I could. God, I'd love to be a 'normie' - I think we all would. But I'm not. That's a great little mantra - we just have to take it away. And then see what comes in its place...

    Also, I bought Unhooked after reading your blog post about it - thanks. More on that to come.

    Lilly x

  3. Great post my friend. Great post.


  4. Really enjoyed this blog it's what I needed tonight and glad to know it can be done.

  5. This is a great post. I found it and felt like it was meant for me. I am one of those lurkers that has been trolling around the internet. Your blog is one of two that I have found myself reading from beginning to end. Thank you for doing this. I am sure you have no idea of the amount of people you have helped.

  6. You are truly an inspiration, my friend!

  7. Hello Mrs. D.

    I also am one of those "lurkers" who has been following you for a long time. I know how hard it is to do what you have done. I have not been able to do it yet in spite of trying many times. In one post you said that you did not want one glass of wine - you wanted the whole bottle... I can so relate to that! Thank you for being out there giving me some hope that maybe one of these days I can get it together as well.

  8. So often Mrs D I find that your post seems directed at exactly what is going on in my own mind. Great post! I spent years trying to moderate. Sooooo much time, so much energy devoted to something I just could not control. But once I finally 'just took it away' I finally feel in control and free. Just this past weekend I went on a weekend retreat (Scrapbooking) and was with a group of lovely ladies and none of whom know my secret problem. I have to admit it did cross my mind a couple of times on my way there that I could drink and noone would be the wiser...but I would know. I would know that it was a mistake and I didn't drink. I never will matter how many times it crosses my mind. I took it away...for good. For me its the only way. Great post!!!

  9. Thank you so much for writing this. This is my first comment, but I've been reading for months.
    I've printed out this post because I keep convincing myself that controlled drinking is "okay," when it is clearly not. It's amazing how you can put into words what I can barely understand.
    But I'm getting it...
    Thanks Mrs. D!
    From (yet another) Mrs. D