Sunday, March 23, 2014

Getting away from feeling bogged down...

Mr D has been overseas for the past 8 days for work. I'm having an ok time.. took me a few days to realise I needed to 'work my programme', which doesn't really mean anything official because I don't have an 'official programme' .. just a few techniques and things that I know help me feel better as I move through my days. Although I do love being able to use recovery jargon and sound like a pro - I'm working my programme baby!!

I spent the first part of the week going through my manuscript for the final time and then couriering it back to the publishers. An intense and introspective process that always gets me wrapped up inside myself.. but I know I go on about that every time I mention my book so I'm not going to mention it again now until it comes out…

Then I got major tech-angst trying to get a 'Follow By Email' button working on this page.. took a couple of failed attempts and this is stuff I'm not very good at (oh to have an IT support person I could call on for help). It's finally working (witness the happy me when I received an email from myself alerting me to the new post I'd just written!).. but then I've also been getting the odd email from people saying they're having trouble leaving comments on my posts.. GAH. More tech-angst.

Then with Mr D away I was finding myself on my phone all the time in the evenings.. checking for comments, checking if the missing plane had been found, checking twitter, Facebook, checking twitter again, news sites, Words with Friends…

It was all very narrowly focussed… literally my eyes on a small screen (or bigger screen if at the computer worrying about tech-y stuff)… and figuratively me just being in my head and too much tech-y stuff and then I realised… I'd stopped cooking and listening to music and making the house nice and stuff.

So I started 'working my programme' which means doing the things that make me feel grounded and calm and relaxed. Centered. Connected. In the real world and not my 'head' world.

* Burning oils like a hippy in my groovy oil-burner on the window ledge.
* Playing all the cheesy pop songs that I know make me feel good. Turning up the lovely ballads that I can sing along too. Hunting out old albums from my youth that are sentimental (In My Tribe by 10,000 Maniacs.. love it!)
* Cooking. Old recipes that the kids love. New recipes to make me feel creative. Taking the time to look at cookbooks and choose recipes and gather ingredients and experiment.
*  Looking up and out at the horizon. Imagining that I am a bird flying (sorry but I do do that).
* Listening to Tara Brach. This link is to one of her best talks. I love her. Just imagining Tara Brach talking can calm me down.
* Watering the flower pots outside and the new vege garden me and the kids are building. Making plans to plant bulbs now as we head into winter to get daffodils in the spring.
* Reading books. A great memoir this week by Jackson Galaxy called 'Cat Daddy'. He writes really well on addiction and getting sober.
* Having baths. I haven't been having any baths since we've been in our new house but I had two this week and I think they're important for me. They're symbolic of self-care.
* Making sure my thoughts are kind and positive and constructive, not negative or uptight.
* Eating well. Letting little bits of sugar and wheat in without beating myself up but maintaining a nice healthy base-line diet.
* Not touching alcohol ever and feeling really fucking great about that.

It's all 'work-in-progress' stuff. Sometimes I'm better at it than at other times. But it works. And life continues on, the days come and go, and it's all ok.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Happy music - check
    Sorting the veg patch - check
    Books about cats - check
    Baths - check
    Eating well with bits of treaty stuff - check
    No booze - check
    Well I seem to be working the programme with you too Mrs D and didn't even know it :) xx

  2. Mrs F was out all day shopping with her mum and daughter was at work. So I was home alone - these days are ok these days but I did cook my own lunch only am omelet and chips but one of my things I do to stay well.

  3. Thanks for this. The past few days, I've been carrying around a low-grade buzz of anxiety. I can't seem to shake it. It's interspersed with flashes of irritation that I can't just have a fucking glass of wine and be done with all of this. ... I like the thought of "working my program" and, if I were to make a starred list of what that program looks like, reading your latest post would be on it. -eew

  4. If I could have just one glass of fucking wine, I too would be fine. But, I know when I drink I want the whole bottle & more & more & more. In fact, no! I never, ever, ever want just one glass of wine. In summary I do not miss all the terrible, horrific hangovers, the pounding head, lying there trying to sleep but can't, because my heart pounding in my chest like it's going to explode, that overall feeling of pain & I just can't go on anxiety. Sobriety is and always will be better than that no matter what life throws at me x

  5. Sometimes, it's the getting there - to that peaceful place - that's fraught with peril. Of course, we can't stay there because there's all this other stuff to do. Life on life's terms. Still, being in those moments of enlightenment and recognizing them, that's such a terrific feeling. I enjoy your progress and celebrate your knowing. I also appreciate your sharing.

  6. Mrs. D- I was rereading your prior post about authenticity. I think the 'living all in your head and the tech screens' (which I am also prone to do) is getting further from authenticity. The grounding activities you list, the ones that anchor you in the present, in sobriety, in being here and now- these are your authenticity! What a great post!

  7. I like the thought of working your program when you don't actually have a program! I am going to look at it that way, too. I am glad you are feeling calm and centered and not having any alcohol ever. Great post!

  8. I am SO thrilled to be able to follow you by email! I guess it's the little things, as you write about here. How a couple baths and burning hippy oil can have a cumulative effect on putting peace back into our lives. Whether it's self-care or restoring some sense of order or balance, I too can attest it doesn't have to be in any set pattern, but we must take steps to work our own program. Love this cheery post xoxo

  9. A lovely way for me to start the day. Thanks.

  10. I've been feeling the same. And spending too much time online as well. I think the 2 are connected as well...too much tech is bad for the soul lol. Glad you are feeling better :)

  11. this is great for me ,so very helpful