Thursday, October 30, 2014

My friend Sue...

I had lunch with my lovely friend Sue yesterday (she who was on the Sunday programme with me, and writes guest posts and contributes 'Drink of the Week' ideas for Living Sober) .. it was her second soberversary - yay! - and we had a fantastic nearly two hours together chatting away. I had the waitress take a photo of us at the end just because I feel so fortunate to have her in my life.

I was looking at this photo last night and got worried that I was squashing Sue rather too tightly (look at my hands clasped together against her arm!) but then I thought no loving hug can be too tight can it?

Sue has said to me before, and I think that she's right, if we'd met when we were both still drinking we probably wouldn't have hit it off quite like we have now that we're both sober. I'm sort-of social and verbal and she's quite reserved and gentle.. and when we were drinking we became more extreme versions of ourselves and therefore further apart from each other. Funnily enough getting sober has moved our personalities closer together. I am definitely more gentle and reflective now than I ever was when boozing, and she has just blossomed in herself without wine in the way. I hope she doesn't mind me summarizing her this way…! Of course we are both very complicated creatures and this paragraph can't do justice to our personalities or what has transpired for each of us since we got sober but hopefully you get the gist.

The gist = Sue rocks.

At lunch we talked about how crazy it feels to have had our eyes opened to alcohol now that we've had to work hard to remove it and re-train our brains to accept life without it. It seems incredible to us now looking around at how deeply so many people are hard-wired to believe all of the fallacies that booze offers.

That it's the best way to relax (it's not, relaxing is about quietening your brain and dropping your shoulders and feeling calm and happy and not stressed or wound up or busy).

That it's the best way to enjoy a party (it's not, enjoying a party is when you feel genuinely happy with the company, your outfit, your mood, the music, the environment, the decorations, the chats & jokes etc).

That it's the best way to bond with a friend (it's not, bonding with friends is when you are listening and sharing and giving and connecting and loving and caring).

That it's the best way to be a good host (it's not, being a good host is about making your guests feel welcome and warm and comfortable and happy to be in your space, chatting to and sharing time, food & music etc with you).

That it's the best way to deal with stress (it's not, the best way to deal with stress is by thinking clearly through what is making you stressed, taking steps to reduce or manage that stress in a proper, productive, tangible, real ways).

Why does a brain-bending liquid get all the power? Because we give it the power. We're hard-wired to believe it has the power. Marketing and advertising tells us it has the power.

Well guess what? It doesn't. Booze doesn't have the power to do any of what it promises or offers. We have the power. We hold the power in all of us.

That's what me and Sue reckon anyway.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. I reckon that too Mrs D :) xx

  2. Mrs D, loving glowing in your limelight! Loved catching up with you yesterday. Love following in your sober footsteps. XXX

  3. Brilliant brilliant post-I am printing it off to carry in my purse when I need reminding of the bollocks that surrounds booze. Thank you again Mrs D - Joey x

  4. Yep - no loving hug is too tight in my world either. Awesome post. Great reminders - and yes they need reprinting onto a wee card for my purse too! And there is nothing like having a special friend that you just 'gel' with. You have that with Sue. Which shows. Bless you both.

  5. I'm wasrwd, its thursday, my husband hates me, i dont know where to staert.

    1. Sounds grim anonymous. How are you feeling today?

  6. Lotta and Sue,
    You two chicks are super sober and lush!!!!
    You're in that place that most of us are trying to get to....

  7. If Lotta is Prime Minister of The Sobersphere then I think Sue is fast becoming Deputy Prime Minister!!!!

  8. Really interesting about alcohol pushing our personalities to more of an extreme; will ponder that. Love the way you deconstruct what it is supposed to do for us - such bollocks, but so powerfully entrenched.

  9. I love this! Lol about the grippy hand- I noticed that and thought you must have had a wonderful time to be so gleefully gripping Sue's shoulder. :)

  10. & Sue seems to be quite happy with the hug :) Probably very pleased. You both look so beautiful. Free

  11. Another sober at sixty - for anyone thinking of stopping do it now - I did it for 18 months at 40 and it was a lot easier than at 60! 17 days sober and terrified that if I stop watching for the devil I'll forget and back I go. (This has happened many times). BEING SOBER really is the best feeling.

  12. And i reckon you and Sue are just absolutely awesome xo

  13. Something inside - there all along that for years booze had suppressed. When I stopped drinking I slowly uncovered it and continue to do so

  14. Inspiring! Brought your book and must confess have only got part way as have been struggling with my demons...reading it again and looking at your blog has been inspiring and easy to relate too. Thanks!