Monday, September 1, 2014

Almost 3 years sober!

I'd give myself a B- right now on my targets for this intense month of parenting without Mr D around. I'm managing ok. Me and the boys have set some very clear rules about behavior and they're doing ok. They're busy, boisterous boys - completely self-absorbed, wonderful creatures in development - and we're muddling along ok.

Yes sometimes I yell but that's just a fact of life and I'm not going to beat myself up about it too much. It's ordinary yelling I'm sure and there are loads of hugs and calm interactions going on during the days as well. Every evening ends with a sober me chatting with each boy in bed, reading a story or having a cuddle and I'm happy about that.

Every night when I walk out of each boys room I say 'I love you', and in that moment I am thankful for being sober, it's a very good moment to practice sober gratitude. I'm very present now at that 8pm-ish point in the night and I never used to be because I had a drug in my system. Sorry to be so blunt about that but that's how I call it now. Alcohol is a drug and when I drank alcohol I was under the influence of that drug. Even one wine makes a difference. Only now that I have no alcohol at all in my life can I see what an impact that drug made to my connectedness.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love being sober?

So anyway the parenting is going fine but the self-care not so much. It's the bloody sugar again. I just wrote a post over at Living Sober about this.. you can read it here. I've been a very bad girl. So starting today I am sugar-free for September.

Take that you fucking Sugar Witch living inside of me!!!!! I'm going to starve you to death!!!!!!! I'm going to stare you down and resist your cravings and in doing so I am going to feel strong and good once more!!!!!

I am three years sober on Saturday. Hhhmm what to do, what to do..? Maybe not much at all. Maybe just have a lovely ordinary sober day. Maybe just kiss my boys goodnight with an 'I love you' and feel just so happy that I have that shit booze out of my life.

Yes. That is enough.

Love, Mrs D xxx

24 comments:

  1. I think you should have a small cake. One piece.
    Because self care doesn't start with deprivation. It starts with making treats count.

    You are a huge inspiration. I think of you whenever I hear the word sparkly. Thank you for all you do.

    Stick with it!

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  2. Hi Mrs D, I am so grateful you came into life. Thanks to you my days are full - and I am not full of red wine!!!! I live in the present and I love being sober. (62days) Thank you. You are truly an inspiration and gutsy lady.:) Congrats on nearly 3 years.

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  3. into my life I mean

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  4. Mrs D, congrats on the almost 3 years! It's such an inspiration how enthusiastic you are about being sober. And I agree with you--it's really fantastic!!! Good luck with the sugar-free September. Sugar is a tough one, and so is caring for yourself. Make sure you give yourself nice other treats--maybe even fruit and good yoghurt and some nuts, or something like that, which is still sweet but not crap--so your self care doesn't turn into deprivation. You have so much on the go right now, so I hope you can be super kind to yourself in a way that feels healthy for you. Big hug to you! Take care, xo

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  5. Three years is amazing Mrs D. Totally agree with the above comment about you being so enthusiastic and fresh about your sobriety. Are you aware of Sarah Wilson's books about quitting sugar? Some great recipes - worth experimenting with- I know you're a keen cook. Anyway, fantastic and well done!

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  6. Big hugs to you Camp Mother. You are so admired and so cherished and even though most of us haven't met you (yet) I reckon we all absolutely love you. It is YOU and the endless amazing qualities contained within you, that have given us the courage to change our lives and seize our futures. Thank you.
    Big congrats for Saturday. Amazing, 3 years! I am with Anne S and think you should have a wee treat. My idea is to take the boys out for ice cream to celebrate, make sure you get a big flake chucked in yours, and.....well just a thought....but what about moderation...hahaa..... I am actually serious. Maybe instead of total abstinence you could give yourself a sugar treat on Saturdays only....for the rest of your life. Sometimes make it fun, with the family, a nice dessert, or a treat out and about, and sometimes just you and a white chocolate bar. You love it and it is not all bad. Whatever you decide, you will do it with class, coz that is who you are. xo

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  7. Totally endorse the sober goodnight thing with the children.

    Saturday - 3 years, awesome - a fun kids movie to have a good laugh. Or a babysitter to watch Dark Horse with a friend.

    https://www.facebook.com/IQuitSugar - I am hooked up to it but yet to practice it. Gave up the sugar in coffee ages ago, down to gingernuts during the day as a rule, breakfast still an issue - I love marmalade and muesli. Especially now I am sober, cup of tea and 2 bikkies (max) would be the hardest challenge of all.

    You the bomb Mrs D!x

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  8. Congrats on 3 years Mrs D, that is just so fab!! I loved your description of saying goodnight to your boys and how different it is now to be sober and present every evening. - I really relate to this. I cherish those quiet moments cuddling and saying goodnight, without half of my brain being elsewhere already pouring that next glass of wine in my head and feeling that impatience to get to it.
    Good luck with the sugar thing! Aghhh - I get this too! Let us know how you get on with your sugar free september! xx

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  9. Oh yes the sugar thing - I so relate Mrs D and that is next on my hit list too. Don't let it overshadow the amazing things you have achieved in these last 3 years though - we are how we are and progress not perfection right? :) xx

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  10. Yes the sugar witch lives in this house to, she just loves the new hundred and thousand chocolate the new pink one. cant sleep tonight but at least I am sober.

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  11. This is too funny -- I just wrote a blog post yesterday where I gave myself a B- in something. I did a double-take when I read the first line of your post. There are so many things we grade ourselves on -- parenting, sobriety, healthy eating, on and on and on. The way I deal with the Sugar Witch is close to the way I deal with alcohol: as close to total abstinence as possible. It's easier that way, if I just say "I don't eat crap" just like I say, "I don't drink." I made the mistake of saying that to someone else who's been sober in AA for years, and he went off on me, lecturing me about how you won't kill someone driving after eating a bowl of ice cream. Sigh... So I keep quiet about the similarities between food addiction and alcohol addiction now, but go on quietly practicing abstinence with both.

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  12. Hello Mrs. D I'm just one of your many, many followers / admirers. I started at the beginning of your blog and read forward. I felt like I could sit down and have a coffee with you and talk for hours like an old friend.
    You and Jean at Unpickled are my moral support along with so many wonderful bloggers. Day by day I'm feeling stronger that I can take on this beast and battle successfully.
    Thank you for being such a wonderful inspiration.
    ~..~ vlm

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  13. Congratulations Mrs D! Thank you for your blog and your book, they are so helpful. As for celebrating your anniversary, how about a spa afternoon. A massage, facial, mani/pedi, then home to the kids and pizza all round?
    All the best,
    Annie

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  14. I'm trying to having a chocolate & sweet free September too. (I'm now trying to remember whether I had any yesterday or not. Oops yes. 3 chocolate digestives :-() Anyway, I think you can allow yourself whatever you like for 3 years sober. What a fantastic achievement.

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  15. Congratulations on being sober for three years! And congratulations on being a wonderful mother and person (who yes, is human and yells at her kids sometimes). I am glad you are looking at the sugar thing, but please please don't be too hard on yourself. You really are amazing, and you are doing amazing. Read the books you are getting about sugar, take them in and do what you need to do (oh and it appears Nigel Latta is about to talk about it) - but be kind to yourself along the way. xx

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  16. Watched Nigel's show last night. Scary shite. One thing at a time.... 3 years sober is so worth feeling proud of yourself for. You have inspired so many others to do the same.... made life worth living for so many others. Bless you for that. And it is kind of like having another birthday really - you get two a year now.... enjoy Saturday. GeeA

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  17. Congratulations on 3 years sober Mrs D! You are awesome! Thank you so much for all you do for everyone - your blog, your book and now Living Sober. It's all been such a huge help to me. Good luck with your sugar free September! A xx

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  18. Oh Mrs. D how I love you so! :) This blog is a lifesaver and I am amazed at how I can relate to every single thing you say and your life with wonderful, wild boys (I have 3 of them - age 8 and under). And with your love of Tara Brach! It's like you are me and I am you (except you have the much cooler accent). Congratulations on 3 years. I'm at 11 days and hoping that if I put one foot in front of the other and keep doing that "next right thing" - and keep reading your blog!- that it will get a little easier. Thank you thank you thank you. - Cecilia

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  19. Thank you for sharing how grateful you are in your sobriety, and hopefully that will encourage others who are also in the same situation. Anyway, I commend you for your strength and will to remain sober for the past three years. I know it was not a walk at the park, but your perseverance will serve as an inspiration to everyone. Have a great day!

    Donnie Benson @ Midwest Institute

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  20. Congratulations! Indulge for your anniversary, you deserve it. I totally relate to feeling so grateful that I'm sober in that moment we say goodnight and that we love our kids. For me it's being grateful that they can know I really mean it. I think when I'm the only one drinking it must be insulting to those around me, like i can't handle their presence without some kind of mind alteration. Like they're not enough. But they are, they are everything, and I want them to know that. They're still to young to 'get' alcohol but those lines of not being too young to understand things are getting crossed so quickly these days (i have a 3 and 4yo). I think the timing is good to really evaluate my priorities.
    Adrienne at
    http://goodchoicesblog.wordpress.com

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  21. Congratulations on the 3 years. Seems a very long way away to me, but you are an inspiration

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  22. Nice one on the 3 year mark Mrs D! Thanks for the wonderful blog posts, love your writing :-)

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  23. You inspire me so much, Mrs. D! Day 94 over here!

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  24. The way you took on this wonderful endeavor is quite heartwarming. I can only imagine how difficult it was at first, but you definitely held on. And before you knew, you’re already celebrating your third year! Anyway, thanks for sharing your story with us, Mrs. D. Have a great day!


    Johnnie Smith @ Ranch Creek Recovery

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