Friday, July 25, 2014

Honesty at the Book Store...

I spoke at an event at my local bookstore last night. I was nervous..! It was the first time I'd fronted up to a crowd of strangers. But it went really well. A good number turned out given it was a cold winter's night here in my home town. The book store staff made a delicious hot mulled apple juice (I'll put the recipe on my Facebook page) and I had some lovely chats with really nice people.

There was a little bit of formality. The book-store owner rang a wee bell and then stood behind the counter and said a few words about me which were very kind and then I had to do a bit of a 'talk'.  I'd been thinking for the past few weeks how I was going to run through the story of this blog and how it turned into a book etc.. but then on Tuesday I decided to just start by being raw and honest.

Truth is I've had quite a vulnerable week.. still eating really badly which awakens the awful dysfunctional feelings in my brain and reminds me of the awful dysfunctional feelings I had when I was boozing so heavily. The kind of 'you're shit, you're not in control' feelings. Question: Why did I abuse my body with alcohol and why do I now sometimes do it with food? Answer: Coz it tastes sooooooo good…..! But anyway I've been allowing myself to eat crap and it's been making me feel a bit low..

Then I'd spoken on The Bubble Hour about loving the feeling of booze in my body, and some people commented on my blog about loving that feeling too.. and I could feel some familiar sad longings inside myself regarding alcohol (the bloody monster inside me - my internal addict - moaning a bit in her sleep). Then my lovely fellow blogger Thirsty Still wrote a powerful post that I found quite challenging about that familiar lovely buzz of booze.. and Mr D's about to go away for 5 weeks..... 

Basically a bunch of things have led to me feeling a bit shitty and vulnerable emotionally.  I could feel that as the week went on..have had the odd teary episode.. and so I decided to be all honest with the group gathered in the book store and tell them.

I told them that I'd been feeling vulnerable.. (tried not to cry) .. I told them that I'd been aware of a vague familiar longing inside myself recently which I identify as being my inner addict/alcoholic stirring in her sleep.. and then I told them how I'd worked to counteract those feelings.

How I'd written a post about how amazing it is to be feeling like there's a sober revolution taking place around me, how I'd visited lots of other blogs and left comments for people, how I'd reached out to The Fix to ask if they wanted another article from me, how I'd started planning what I was going to say at the Book Store, how I'd been to a meeting about the new website, how I'd posted some articles on my Facebook page, how I'd replied to many emails.

How I'd worked hard to stay on top of my thoughts.. and get myself through.. because there was no way I was going to indulge that sad longing. That sad longing can bugger off! 

That's why I do all this. That's the bottom line. It's not about book sales or publicity or showing off. It's because I'm an alcoholic and externalizing my internal struggle keeps me sober. I knew that the minute I wrote my first post, and I know that still today. 

And I know this vulnerable phase will pass. I know that I'm going to get on top of my eating GODDAMMIT! And I know that I'm going to stay sober. It's just an on-going, robust process, that's all. 

But then again… isn't that just a description of life? Life is an on-going, robust process. One I choose to go through sober.

Love, Mrs D xxx 

68 comments:

  1. Hi Mrs D I am hearing you today. I started a new job this week which has made me feel very emotionally vulnerable. Over two years sober but still get wobbly when I feel vulnerable like this week starting a new job, asking the question am I good enough to do the job? I even felt the pull to walk in to a pub as I wandered home, what is that about? Dealing with emotons is what it is about and I would much rather do it Sober thank you very much Mr Wolfie now F off Wolfie. Like you Mrs D lets do this emotional vulnerability sober and learn from it. Sending out a big cyber hug tomyou and everyone else on this emotional rollercoaster.

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  2. I know what you mean! I feel sentimental for that twenty minutes of warm feeling bliss- the decadent feeling you get when you pour a big glass. How grown up I used to feel smoking on the back steps, swilling wine and avoiding the children.

    It's the fucking hours after and the next day I really don't miss. (Right?) Because I am and never will be a twenty minute drinker. I'm more like a drink twenty drinker!

    Extra care and love for you- parenting alone-ish is hard. I have been seeing a naturopath and she has made HUGE differences in the way I feel about things- the way I eat, my peace of mind (I have it! What?!?!) Since she told me I have to it's easier to eat the way I feel the best. Plus our fave Tara Brach. Take a deep breath, hold your hand over your heart and say "Whew woman. You are handling this beautifully. I forgive you for being scattered and stressed since what you've got going on is more than a big deal!"

    And since it's winter a day in jammies with movies like Free Birds, Megamind, and Chicken Run with rests. And then more rest. :) You know, as much as is possible with little boys!

    xoxoxo
    amy

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  3. Hey - you were great last night. Thank you. I went home feeling like I finally had some "people". I guess one of the things you are really going to need to think about over the next few months as all the press etc heats about around you, is that you are still you, still an alcoholic, still vulnerable. It could be easy to get positioned (by others) as the new "stop drinking" icon, which could leave you a bit isolated. So, keep reaching out for you as well as for others, staying vulnerable open and real. Remember you are surrounded by friends, old and new. Don't be afraid ever to reach out. C xx

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    1. If there was a "like" button, I would click it! More than once!

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  4. Hi All and Mrs D, We are all so bloody fantastic!!!!!:) Keep holding on to that. And the people who don't understand us...don't matter. What we are all doing is huge. In time, we are going to influence our family and friends. No shame- Power and respect to us all.

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    1. There needs to be a way to "like" comments :)

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  5. Ms Penelope DroppedJuly 25, 2014 at 11:30 AM

    Mrs D you are a goddess amongst women-you rule lady!

    Oh, "Hi" by the way-lovely to have found you .

    Excellent tip for slowing down a sugar monster-put a small roll of Wine Gums in the freezer and eat 'em frozen. Works for Turkish Delight, Licorice and all manner of treats. Trust me you will be begging for them to be finished it is hard work to chew those suckers!

    I personally crave salt. Problematic to eat by the spoonful.

    I too have a profile in the town I live in. I had a very public breakdown a few years back and just had to keep fronting up each day and interact with the public through the tears. "Fuck it!" came in to it's own then I tell you.

    On one of my worst days I managed to sell tens of thousands of dollars worth of our product with my sheer realness-I was a raving looney that day. Naturally, without the medicinal looney juice.

    Another day a I told a customer I couldn't meet his request as I was having a mental breakdown and did he want me to burst into tears? He wanted to know when I thought the mental breakdown would be over so he could get back to me. Gotta love people, weirdos!

    You are out Mrs D and you are courageous and inspiring and it's the honesty the holds the key for us all. I'm convinced of it.

    Cheers groovy lady,
    Penny

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  6. Hi Mrs D, I said this a few days ago, and I'm going to say it again. You are an inspiration. It's because of you that I have decided that I must kick the booze problem, which has been a devious and secret and deceitful part of my life for so many years. Decades even. I am very much a newby. This is only day 5. But I am determined to do it. It's time. I'm doing it for my lovely wife, for my family, for my grandchildren, and for me. It's really hard, and come the magic 5.00 I'll be craving a drink. But today it won't be booze. It'll be Indian Tonic Water + bitters instead! I'm trying to develop some strategies. One is to write the number of dry days in my diary, in pen, in the morning. Which means if I fall off the wagon, I'll have to bloody well start from 0 again. Which will really piss me off. Two - is to keep reminding myself how shitty I feel the next morning - hungover, guilty, self-esteem zero. And the third is that being dry is about today. Not tomorrow. Not next week. It's about getting through TODAY. And only today.
    And as for the strange identity - I'm 66 and have been hiding bottles of wine in the garage for more years than I care to remember. So that everytime I post something to your page, I'll be reminded of what a shithead I was!! xx

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    1. Good for you I find this blog and many others really helpful in staying focused. It's a really powerful community so stay tuned into it and we can all support each other. Don't underestimate the value that you can contribute to others in recovery. Stay strong.

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  7. Hi Mrs D
    Try these http://www.elanaspantry.com/chocolate-chip-cookies/ - psychologically still comfort food - because they are cookies - but low in sugar and full of nutrients.
    I have been sober for 10 months, and I am now starting to tackle diet as part of my self-care and and also to help with mood stability.
    I love your posts!! I look forward to seeing you pop up in my blog reader.
    Carolyne

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  8. Hi Mrs D. You are strong and wonderful, and you are totally allowed to still be weak and vulnerable sometimes. One thing at a time. In a couple of years we might all be vegans having spirulina for breakfast but for now we have this one big thing to accomplish. And the reason that many of us have found the strength to face up to ourselves is because of YOU. Pat yourself of the back for what sounds like a wonderful and real and very honest evening, and give yourself a big virtual hug from all of us who are so grateful to have your time and thoughts and energy to guide us. Nurture yourself whatever way feels best for now. And like Colourful1 suggests, don't let who you have become to us all become overwhelming, coz we've all got your back, now and with the new site also, we can all help you carry the load. I think many more people are going to join this revolution, and I think it is magical and very exciting. Go and give yourself a wee treat, you brave and clever lady x (big words on my 5th day)

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    1. Hey, you're on day 5 also! Hang in there Prudence, we can do this! :)

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    2. I am amazed myself that I got past day 1.... so well done on day 5 and kept being strong. I found focusing just on each day as a win was the best way to get thru. And reading peoples inspirational knowing you are not alone helped and still helps me a lot. Together we can all beat this .....

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  9. I love this blog, I love mrs d. I love being sober

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    1. Me to... life is good. Sober is cool. 27 days cool. Thanks for the blog mrs d and fellow sober bloggers!

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    2. 27 days. Good on you!! Hey, in 22 days I will have caught you up! :)

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    3. One day at a time. Keep it up!!

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  10. You know Mrs D when this life has become about how people see our outsides (FB is a good example of this) and you share your insides - it is a very powerful thing and allows others to follow. Honesty is such a rare and beautiful thing these days that you sharing makes me teary too xx

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    1. lucy2610 - I love that comment. It does seem these days as if life is about demonstrating to the outside world how wonderful it all is and it's good to be reminded that there is a whole lot going on inside which is not always so wonderful. Wise words!

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  11. Thank you for your raw honesty Mrs D. Last night I arrived at my group in tears. They were so good to me and we did some great work processing why I reacted they way I did the situations that made me emotional. So much emotion coming out being sober. It's not just dry July for me its Dry July-December to give my head a 6 month break from booze. I suspect it will be a sober life for the long haul for me which is a daunting thought. I miss the social aspect of Friday night drinks. At work I felt silly with my water bottle. My hubby is at the pub right now at leaving drinks for a co-worker. But when ever I feel cravings and boy have I been hitting the sugary drinks I remember your words. "IT WAS NOT FUN ANYMORE" and that's how I remember my last night of drinks half a bottle of bubbly and have a bottle of white wine. I was fuzzy the next day and I felt automated pouring my drink. It had STOPPED being fun. Don't mean to be a copycat but I think I need a blog too. I think it would be therapeutic. I am going on a course next week in Auckland called the Lightning Process. I am hoping it changes my outlook on life. Has anyone else done it? Mrs M :-)

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    1. Hi Mrs M. Don't worry about the long haul. It's not about next year, or next month, or even tomorrow. It's about TODAY. That's all that matters. Just get through today. :)

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    2. Indeed it is about TODAY. Thanks inthegarage66 :-)

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    3. "It wasn't fun anymore" resonates with me too. Its the truth. Its such a great mantra when the monster growls. Visualising the clear-headed morning is another tool I use with great success, and of course reading all of these comments and support and incredible inspiration. Jason Vale's book is superb - can't recommend it enough. Sobriety rocks!

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  12. I have just started reading your blog.
    although I suspect I am younger than most of your audience, I have found a huge similarity with a lot of your comments.
    I am 28 years old and have had an issue with alcohol for nearly 7 years. it has landed me in E.D of hospital over 100 times, in numerous rehabs and court situations. it has mainly been focussed around dealing with past trauma but has begun to take on a very resilient life of itself. what I have been through is traumatic in itself but using alcohol as a way to cope with it has certainly made it worse. I know I may be at a more severe end of the scale than some of your bloggers, but I still resonant with a lot of the comments and reading how others cope is a huge help.
    I am in a position where there is a price to pay for what I do, and self-control is still hugely celebrated, so I feel compelled to exercise this ultimately. it is very hard.
    to all those that question their behaviour, do you want to be in control or have something else control you? if you are on this blog you know the answer. it is only a servant; don't let it be your master. you are bigger than this. it uses people as vehicles for power.
    other's words are my power and I rely on that to get me through each day.
    I am so grateful for finding this blog.
    power to you and sorry for being a downer!!

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    1. Ms Penelope DroppedJuly 26, 2014 at 11:58 AM

      Hey P-J,

      Intense.

      There but for the giggling of the goblins goes many of us my friend.

      I'm sure I used to drink sometimes to deal with the post traumatic stress of previous drinking episodes. Using the medicinal looney juice to block out the guilt and embarrassment (not shame!...! I was just being Rock 'n' Roll, not dysfunctional....right?....Riiiiiight.) I had played out for myself on some previous bender.

      P-J. Those hideous experiences are not you. They are not your core. They are just traumatising, horrible things that have happened.

      We can turn this jaggernaut round damnit! With the wonderful Mrs D and crew we can all learn to live in our complicated, sensitive, wonderful skins.

      The best bit, we can do it with style and integrity.

      Keep cool,
      Penny

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  13. The stress of coming out in public and having your life examined by all and sundry must be hard. Sometimes you must feel like retreating. I think all alcoholics feel like this when we are in new situations, it is like our de-fault.

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  14. im fortunate in a way that the people I love are trying to understand, but explaining to them that I am sometimes in control and sometimes not is difficult.
    it is just a shit situation really! people expect you to react to situations like they would, but my brain operates differently.
    even when I try to hold it accountable, it works against me.
    I just hope that anyone in a similar situation can ask for help before it takes over. but it is so hard when you are seemingly in control

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  15. I don't really think we are unlike other people, we are just required to examine ourselves more closely and vigorously than others because our reactions may be more uh, reactive?

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  16. When the thought of a drink is doing my head in I think of the fact that if I don't drink I will wake up tomorrow feeling great, that as a result of giving up the booze my BP meds have dropped, that I feel better sober than I ever did drinking. One day at a time and I try not to sweat the small stuff. Thought the cravings had gone but they came back this week after a shitty week at work, but have got through it without reaching for a drink.

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  17. Thanks Mrs D for putting me on to thirsty still. Those fond wearnings are still very much part of my thoughts, even though I dont admit to them. Hard to know whats the best support, this is day 25, but not really, cos there was a relapse last Friday. My support crew are more intrusive than I would wish, I want them to be my conscience and yet I want them to believe in me so their close inspection of my movements is not required.How do others in my situation fine their family and friends best help?

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    1. All the people close to me have been very supportive, and my teenage daughter has been the most inquisitive of my movements..... I have explained to them how nest to help me, and that is different for everyone... I am not good with people looking over my shoulder, but when I need someone to talk that is when I need people around me.... communicating how ya feel is important, as I am sure they are just wanting to help.

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    2. Thanks Martin, its my teenage daughter too, who makes me feel Im being watched all the time, I feel there is some roll reversal here! She's very concerned and supportive too ,I know she does want to help.

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    3. I know what you mean Mrs A..... I struggle to tell her what is going on in my head and how the power of the addiction is so strong. After all I am meant to be the parent protecting her..... but the more I explain how she can help hopefully the easier it will get..... for both of us

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  18. UST got home from a function at my local sports club. Usually I would be hammered by now and opening another bottle as soon as I got in the door. A good friend had a glass of a very nice red wine and kept waving it in front of me, the smell nearly made me drop my guard. But now I feel a lot better for getting home sober and staying that way, it is nice to feel in control of my actions rather than the booze in control of me tonight. Another day down

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  19. So often it is the good friends who want you to join them and its really hard, the drinking is their choice and thats fine but now she'll have to do it without me drinking the alcohol but I'll still be there

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  20. I hear you Mrs D,

    I feel like crying right now and have done for most of the day.

    Fortunately, for me, I never have an urge to drink. No demon monster inside my belly, but I am lonely. My decision to quit drinking means I can no longer spend time with my former friends, because I have nothing in common with them, and I have yet to find enough new friends to fill the void. The ones who do understand me are splattered all over the world.

    So I know how you feel.

    Fortunately, as you so eloquently point out, we have a choice to do something about it.

    Keep up the good work.

    Lee

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    1. Hi Lee. You CAN spend time with your friends. But while you are with them, you simply don't drink alcohol. And if your friends are worth anything, if they are genuine friends, they will support you. And if they don't support you, then they don't deserve to be your friends. You've actually got lots of friends on this blog. :)

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    2. I agree I am determined to strengthen my friendships rather than risk losing them so I am arranging little social gatherings whether one on one or small groups but mainly doing it during the day. Tomorrow I am meeting 3 of my drinky girlfriends for a walk around the river and a coffee after and I am really looking forward to it.

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    3. inthegarage66/Squizzi,

      It wasn't so much that I chose not to socialise with them because they drank (although there is a little bit of that to it especially their really drunken phases), it was more about the new man I became. I didn't have anything in common with them anymore. My healthy, spiritual way of thinking just didn't fit in. So I lost friends that way. But never worry I am on the look out for new ones!

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  21. I cannot stop eating everything I see. Right there with you. I'm at the gym an hour a day just to make sure I only gain 2 pounds instead of 20! Much love, my friend.

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  22. To those that are lonely join AA plenty of likeminded people in the rooms. It also gives you something to look forward to.

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  23. Mrs D, I'm sending you a great big hug! I had a tough few days too being reminded of that boozy feeling, but like you and many other lovely folk say, it stopped being worth it, because I know I didn't just have one drink, I had way too many every time and that wee bit of loveliness gets drowned in hours of blurry numbness and days of fuzzy misery. I did struggle for a bit being reminded how much I liked that feeling, but I actually looked myself in the eye in the mirror and asked myself if I wanted to go back to living like I used to lie, and of course the answer is no. Today it's been 200 days (!!!!!) since I quit drinking, and I'm so relieved to have done that, even though some days it's hard work.

    As for you feeling vulnerable these days, I think even if you were superhuman, you'd have to feel stretched with all the publicity that goes with coming out in public with your new book. I really liked what the person above said about looking after yourself, remembering that you will have to keep on taking good care even (and maybe especially) now that you've publicly outed yourself. You've done an amazing job through all this craziness, and you've helped so many people, but make sure you take good care of yourself as you go. Big love to you. xoxo

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  24. Dear Mrs D and friends
    Day 6. Have just written a big 6 in my diary. Can’t rub it out. For me, it’s all about today.
    Had a bit a big day yesterday. A turning point. Two big things happened.
    First thing. Went to a small restaurant with close friends. Great food, highly recommend it. Finch’s in Henderson. We had lots of laughs. I was funny, making jokes, and they laughed with me. I felt so good, so in control, so in charge of myself. They found it hard to believe I could be that funny on a glass of diet coke! But I was. I’m actually a very funny person when I’m off the booze. But when I’m drunk (magic word – take a long hard look at it – D R U N K), I’m a morose drunk. While we were there I looked around at other tables and saw too many litres of wine being knocked back way too fast by too many silly people. Although, to be fair, some of them stopped after one or two units. I could never do that. But not any more. Those days are gone. Thanks to you, Mrs D. xx
    Second thing. Getting ready for bed last night, after a great evening out. My wife is in bed, reading, I’m getting ready for bed, in my shorty PJ’s. Not a pretty sight – I’m a skinny 66 year old. (Don’t picture it). And I thought, do it now. Tell her. Go on, tell her what you’ve done, you arsehole. So I did. Well, sort of. I started to tell her I had come to a major turning point in my life and that I was not going to drink any more. But it didn’t come out like I had planned. My eyes welled up. The tears ran down my cheeks. I sobbed. I blubbed. But I told her. And my lovely, unsuspecting wife of nearly 40 years, thought I was crying because I wasn’t going to allow my self to drink any more! She thought I was upset about no more booze. But I wasn’t. I was sobbing my heart out because of all the deceit and lies and cover ups and hiding bottles in the garage for so many many years. My poor, naive wonderful unsuspecting wife thinks I used to get totally pissed on 2 or 3 glasses from the bottle we shared. She never knew about the magic, wonderful (yeah, right) secret bottle in the garage. And she still doesn’t. I haven’t gone that far yet. But I will. But not just yet. L is really pleased that I’m not going to drink in the future. Although for me, it’s not the future. It’s today. It will always be today.
    I will tell her about the garage one day. But not yet. I’m not ready to face that guilt.
    Hang in there friends. Just get through today. xx

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    1. Hey Inthegarage66, well done you. you are off to an awesome start. Guilt is a shitty wasted emotion [I know, I do it so well], you will know whey you are ready to deal with aspects of your secret booze life when you do choose to tell your wife you will be stronger for it. It will help to cement your strength pool in staying sober. Go into day 7 with a smile and a self hug.

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  25. Loving and appreciating your honesty Mrs D and the honesty of everyone here. Checking in here makes me feel I am not alone. I totally hear you about the eating Mrs D, I'm now 27 days wine free and feeling really good. I get the wobbles occasionally but I'm finding it easy to let them flow through and not settle. But the eating, oh the eating. I had excited visions of the weight falling off, after all remove 4 bottles of wine out of my weekly diet and that's a shit load of sugar, right?? Yea Nah, weight not budging. So now I have to work on the food thing, and that's proving harder than the booze thing. Really frustrates because if I can stop drinking then why can't I sort the eating out. And yes the feelings I had about myself when I was drinking are the same I am now heaping on myself with eating. Well, my self is a continuous work in progress. I am loving life alcohol free, speed bumps and all.

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    1. Hi, I just wanted to say that facing up to alcohol problems alone is a huge thing to do. It will be taking up heaps of your psychological energy, and your body will take more time to adjust to the changes you have made. You can deal with the eating if you feel you need to later on. Maybe much later on. You need to go easy on yourself where you can (with your expectations of yourself with regard to food), so that you can focus on the alcohol removal, and fully appreciate the good work you have done. As the saying goes... Rome wasn't built in a day!

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  26. Kia ora Mrs D, haven't stopped reading every word hear (from you and the supporters) - still magic. I am a huge fan of Brene Brown - she has some you tube TEDX talks and three great books - she talks, researches and writes about Vulnerabilty - have a look - it might help you? Adopt the same approach you have with alcohol to food? One day at a time, look for good alternatives and try new strategies - eating well is hard at first (it's change) - but eating well is sooooooooo good - it's another incredible journey to get on (just another chapter in your amazing life) - go get it sista it's all yours - this one and only vulnerable, precious and most lovefilled life! Kia kaha! Love your work.

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  27. Just starting up to day 6 but getting great satisfaction out of ending the day dry.... Love the Blog it was the TV program that made me look at me but it took a few weeks to carry it out

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  28. Hi there, I was fortunate enough to go to the bookshop and you were amazing. You did not seem nervous at all. Loved what you said about the party not being in the glass but in the people in the room. Thanks so much for an inspiring night and a fantastic mulled apple juice.

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  29. Just wanted to say that I too was at the bookshop on Thursday night. Mrs D - you were just great and so realThe fact that you shared your vulnerability with us was pretty amazing. I think we are all blessed to have you in our lives. Not that I want to put you up on a pedestal in a stalker kind of way but I think it's pretty clear you have made the hugest difference to so many of us. I have worried about my drinking for too many years to count. I recently decided to do 'Dry July' for a break, but then I saw you on TV and since then have been following your blog, and have discovered this fantastic online community. I am NOT going back on the booze next month. My thinking is changing. I feel empowered, and not so lonely! Thank you Mrs D, and to all your lovely supporters and followers. What a special bunch. Day 26 (predictably :P) for me. Go all of us!

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  30. I think that winter can stuff up your good eating habits. That and loneliness. I suppose the need to comfort ourselves with food is similar to what we all did with alcohol. But you do feel a whole lot better when you nourish your body with good food. You don't get those insulin spikes that come from too much sugar and carbs. I've just read the article in The Australian Women's Weekly, and I love the idea you suggested of putting on a onesie when you need a hug - just the excuse was looking for to buy one! Be kind to yourself this week.

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    1. Read the AUS WW article at the hairdresser. So inspired by you Mrs D and love the onesie idea.

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  31. Hi Mrs D and Friends
    Day 7. In my diary. In pen. Sunday morning. Best part of this morning was the sober Saturday night. Magic. The words of the song “When I woke up Sunday morning with no way to hold my head that didn’t hurt…” Not for me. Not this Sunday. Hang in there team, we can do this!!

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    1. Good for aint it grand waking up so clean and clear headed. I luv it. Took my lovely boxer for a long walk at 8 this mornong, she thought it was xmas, no way would i do that with a hangova. I know that song well use 2 listen to that drunk!! Day 29 for me woo hoo. We are the sober revolution, pink clouds galore!!

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    2. Wow,I'm day 7 too! Roast dinner in the oven and I know I won't I won't be having that glass (or 4) of red with it.Mornings I'm great it's 4pm onward that I just want the day to be over.

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    3. I hear you Charlie... cooking dinner for the family and usually polish off a bottle while doing it.... 4pm onwards is the hardest for me as well. I just keep thinking of the progress I have made. Never thought I would get passed day 1

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  32. Wish being sober was like doing weight watchers, where you could save up your points and then eat something you shouldnt. But with the boring old sober world you cant.Am so missing everything about being drunk. This is crap.

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    1. Hi there anonymous. I'm really sorry you feel like that. For me, the sober world is not crap. It's empowering. It's liberating. Because I'm in charge of me. I'm in control of me. In my drinking world, it was the booze that was in charge of me. It took hold of me, and I craved it. More and more. I told my family lies after lies after lies. Sure it's hard. Around 5.00 is the hardest. But I keep reminding myself of what it used to feel like. OK, so the first few drinks were fun. Tasted great. The effect was magic. But after drink number 9 or 10 or 11 was when I started to feel like shit. And that feeling continued for the next 24 hours. I am soooo glad that those horrible feelings have gone. It's not easy. It's one day at a time.

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  33. I love you, Mrs. D! Going through this life sober, too. Also feeling vulnerable and full of longing. We're in this together.

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  34. Thanks Mrs D! You have started something huge.I bet there are kiwi Mums galore ditching their Sav (Chardonnay for me) .A really massive,life changing event.So very scared but here we go.A week in and being brave.Thanks so much and I hope I can find fun again one day.xx

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  35. Hi Mrs D
    Totally relate to the shit eating - o my god carbs & sugar. When I was drinking it was Sav Blanc and salad - health health sweety ;-/
    I'm up to about day 40 and I can't believe my cravings for cookies and sweet crap, never felt like eating that stuff. Anyhoo - keep running into folks mentioning 'The Mood Cure' by Julia Ross. I have also uncovered mild depression by stopping drinking and it sucks - so have been looking for natural cures - St Johns Wort, Sun-e, 5HTP, etc. You can read most of the book at Amazon, and check out the 4.5 star review with over 220 reviews. Keep on rocking lovely lady

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  36. Hi Mrs D I was at your book launch, and thought you were absolutely fantastic. So brave and honest with us.
    Whoever the rude witch at the book launch was who kept wanting it to be her night, you were magnanimous with your replies to her.

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    1. So very well said and distinctively put. I second that.....

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  37. Thanks for the amazing stuff you are doing. It has made a real impact on me and I am about 3 weeks (and 2 big social occasions) along in my journey of no alcohol. Have you seen Brene Brown's TED talk on the power of vulnerability?

    https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability

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  38. Hear hear. I like your line "It's because I'm an alcoholic and externalizing my internal struggle keeps me sober" and agree wholeheartedly.

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