I just wrote a post on my other blog - Mrs D Is Going Within - which summarises where I am at right now.
I know it seems a bit weird to have two blogs on the go but this original blog was started to help me get sober (which it certainly did!) and I keep it up to stay on top of my recovery and keep communicating with people who are also trying to get sober.
The new blog I started for the same specific purpose.. to use it as a motivation tool with something I am attempting to do. In this case it is my attempt to develop a mindfulness/meditation practice. In other words, to really 'go within' now that the hard work of removing alcohol from my life is done.
The new blog really helps keep me motivated to keep researching / investigating / attempting mindfulness & meditation, and although my work in this area has been very stop-start it is slowly bedding in. I love it. I love, love, love it. It is unbelievably affective. Trust me on this. All the hype is true. It is amazingly helpful.
Lately I've been feeling really good and strong in my sobriety. Very much of the attitude - 'what am I actually missing out on?' by not drinking alcohol. That was one of the most overwhelming feelings when I first stopped drinking.. that I would be missing out. But for Pete's sake.. what am I missing out on?
I can socialise. I can have fun. I can go to concerts and be really moved by the music. I can have lunch with my girlfriends and connect with that fabulous female energy that fuels every girls soul. I can communicate, care for and co-exist with my husband and sons authentically and brilliantly. I can attend dinner parties and go to restaurants enjoying every morsel of food and banter. I can spend time with myself and not go crazy.
I can be still. Finally. I can be still.
Gosh I just typed that and got teary. This is obviously a major major thing for me. Stillness.
I suppose boozing is the polar opposite to stillness isn't it? Maybe this is what I've been avoiding for my entire adult life. It's taken me four years of sobriety to get to this place where stillness is becoming the most important and restorative factor in my life.
Stillness. Finally, I can be still.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Yay! I love this. You have inspired me over past few months with your other blog and I have just begun doing 10 - 15 min a day these past two days. It is definitely a "practice" and I look forward to keeping at it. PS your "be still" mantra here reminded me of a song I like called "Let's be Still" by The Head & the Heart: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mwaGzIPpbBI
ReplyDeletewow!!!! hit a nerve Mrs D. Love it:)
ReplyDeleteI just ordered the Pico Iyer book you talked about on your other blog. Thanks for the recommendation there! I met him once, years ago when I worked in publishing, and he was as lovely as he seems. And I think this time around quitting it's time for me to try some new things that I used to do and turned my back on more recently. Iyer's (and your) version of stillness might be just the thing, as I certainly feel done with the chaos. Thanks for putting it together so well here! Big hug to you. xoxo
ReplyDeleteOkay, you hooked me, I'm going to have to go check out your other blog. I've been thinking about starting meditation, so many of my fellow soberites seem to get so much from it. In the beginning of my sobriety, I felt so close to God and serene, as if he was at my beck and call, but lately I've been feeling a distance and I know I am putting it there with my impatience and self-pity. I used to be able to shut off my mind and hear him answer me, but it seems like the volume knob in my head is stuck on high.
ReplyDeleteI think drinking gives us a false stillness. It quiets things for a while but not really. It makes us think we've got our shit together when really...we're a mess.
ReplyDeleteBut being still through mindfulness and meditation is the real deal. By just giving ourselves a few minutes a day to just BE, we feed our soul and our spirit. And like anything worth having, it takes practice and patience to make it work and, like recovery, it always will.
My favorite phrase in the world, which is why it's tattooed on my wrist is "Be still..."
And, like Kary May, I'm going to your new site. How exciting!
Sherry
Me Three!
ReplyDeleteOr Four!
It's time for me to step up my mediation!
It's like I avoid it at all costs, and I have the time!
xo
Wendy
I just love this. I'm at 3 years and I know exactly what you mean. I'm living in the here and now. Life is simple, there is plenty of time for everything. I love the stillness. Thank you for writing this!
ReplyDeleteI was worried about missing out on something (although I'm not quite sure what) when I decided to get sober. I soon realized that I was missing out on hangovers, spending money I didn't have, sleeping like crap... You get the gist. I'm happy to miss out on those things!
ReplyDelete