Will I stop blogging?

I don't know what I would do without my lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely online tribe of people who just get what it is like to live sober in a boozy world.

I don't know what I would do.

In particular the tribe of lovely people who are registered at the Living Sober website. Every single day I am popping in and out of the Members Feed in the Community Area on that site reading the incredibly honest and gritty and inspiring and heartening updates they are writing, and I am communicating back with them, and we're all just talking to one another day-in-day out and it's great. Seriously great. I need it.

I need this blog too - my 'warm bath' as I like to think of it. Writing posts here is always grounding for me and I tend to come out with my truth sometimes without even planning on what I am going to write. Someone asked on a recent post if I might stop blogging soon because life is just continuing on and doesn't need to be so much about being sober does it? (I think that was the question.. something like that anyway).

One day I'll probably stop blogging, and Tweeting and Instagramming and Facebooking. I'll stop all of it and retreat from the internet entirely. I look forward to that day as I know it will feel right when it happens. But it doesn't feel right right now!

It's been quite a social time for me lately and the next few weeks are just as busy. Not sure what's changed in my life that I've suddenly got more parties and gatherings and dinners and fundraising nights and stuff to go to.. but I have.

It's all good, it's good getting out and amongst it, being social and busy. Always good to be reminded of what it's like out in the community at night (and not just what it's like in my house in the evenings which by the way is very lovely and calm and cosy thank you very much).

Sober lady moving around a boozy world. Offering to drive friends to events, serving wine to guests while supping an elderflower cordial myself, ordering "soda with fresh lime please" from the barman, making cups of tea to drink late in the evening at house parties, dancing in the dark with a clear head at concerts.

This is what I do now.

Not drinking, getting sloppy, vomiting, falling over, drinking more, feeling miserable, feeling sick, being sloppy, opening more wine, drinking, drinking, drinking, saying things I regret, doing embarrassing things, drinking more, being numb to my feelings, vomiting, falling over, drinking, drinking, drinking.

I am so profoundly grateful for my sobriety. I will never go back to that old way of living. NEVER.

Love, Mrs D xxx

No ETOH!

So delighted to see those two little words (or at least one word and one acronym) on my discharge notes from the hospital. Was also very delighted to tell two doctors (one in the emergency department and one in the ward) that I drank NO ALCOHOL!

Actually if I'm really honest both times the doctors asked me how much I drank I answered 'zero' and then giggled rather gleefully and then rambled "sorry I'm just giggling because I've been in recovery for 4 and a half years and it's always such a joy to tell someone that I don't drink any alcohol ever giggle giggle it's a real high moment for us sober people giggle giggle sorry but that was really satisfying giggle giggle..." at which point both lovely doctors laughed and said quite genuinely "that's great, good on you."

Maybe they just like it when someone says they don't drink alcohol because so often they see people with problems that are exasperated by booze? Or maybe they were just happy because I was laughing and happy and most people in hospital are a bit more unwell? Or maybe they were just genuinely happy for me that I was in recovery? Who knows...

Whatever the case I was certainly very happy telling two doctors at the hospital last week that I don't drink any alcohol ever and I was really happy when I saw on my discharge notes the words 'No ETOH'.

(If I'm honest again I had to google 'ETOH' just to be sure it meant alcohol as I thought it did.. and sure enough it stands for 'Ethyl Alcohol'.)

I was in the hospital for some unexplained abdominal pain which shall remain unexplained as all of their testing couldn't find a problem which is good news! And the pain has pretty much gone now too yippee.

My poor old creaky body has been making itself more aware to me lately. Have been having some sore neck/back problems as well which are finally coming right after weeks of pain.

For most of my life I've hardly given my body any thought. It's just been there below my 'floating head' not causing me too much grief. Now I am less of a floating head thanks to all my mindfulness work and focus on the moment and my breath and body.. and with all of this awareness work I have been starting to feel very kindly toward my body for doing such a great job of moving me around this earth for 44 years.

Good thing I'm feeling kindly given these small complaints my body has been making!

Good thing I'm looking after myself now!

Good things I'm sober!

Am also doing another Whole30 and aside from the 'decaf flat white' I ordered at a cafe yesterday without thinking it has been pretty easy this time to slip into a no wheat, no legumes, no dairy, no sugar diet. Mr D is doing it with me and we are both feeling better for it.

Right time to get this creaky body up off the chair and out the door to pick up my boys from school. No rest for the wicked!

Love, Mrs D xxx

Bit of a ranty rant...

The further away I get from my last drink the more I seem to forget how fucking BRAVE and AMAZING I am for getting sober!!

Yes oh yes I am!!

And so is ANYONE who takes the incredibly counter-cultural step of choosing to live without drinking booze ever. Holy Moses. Our worlds are awash with booze yet us brave and amazing sober people turn our backs on that 'normal' way of living and forge ahead with our lives never touching alcohol ever.

We still go to parties and BBQs and quiz nights and movie fundraiser nights and drinkies at friends and pizza parties and weddings and big birthday bashes all the rest of it.. but instead of taking the usual glass of chard or cheeky red or ice-cold beer or flute of fizz we say 'no thanks!' and 'not for me!' when these alcoholic beverages are offered.

Holy Sweet Mother of Bravery!!!!!!!

The longer I get away from my last drink the easier it is to forget how utterly terrifying and foreign it was when I first set out to live this way. How I would feel like an alien from another (boring) planet. How I would fear that everyone would consider me either a) a teetotaling weirdo with no personality or b) an appallingly weak and damaged alcoholic.

I am neither of those things! Well. .. technically I am a teetotaller and an alcoholic ... but I am not a weirdo, I do have a personality, I am not weak, and I am certainly not damaged.

I am just someone whose alcohol habit got completely out of control so I made the brave and amazing decision to stop drinking alcohol forever more.

Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Yay for me! Yay for you! Yay for all of us!

I could be writing about my sore neck or my tiredness or the huge bag of cheese supreme doritos I just ate or the cold weather or my new sheets or some other specifics about my life right now but I want to write about the BIG PICTURE and I want to FEEL GOOD!!!!!!!!

And so hence this ranty post full of caps and exclamation marks and too many es at the end of the word yippee.

Over and out from sober sober sober sober sober sober  SOBER me!!!!

Love, Mrs D xxx