Friday, July 18, 2014

"Get off the computer mum!!"

It's cold here, we're coming to the end of two weeks of school holidays..things are ticking over ok in our household. My diet still needs a bit of work (the bad habits through the crazy 'coming out' weeks are proving a little hard to shift).. but my sleep is back to normal and I've started reading some novels again and am pottering around my house relatively calmly.

Making pumpkin soup today and getting ready to host some friends for a roast dinner tonight. They asked if there was anything special I'd like them to bring for me to drink - which was super nice of them - but I said "to be honest I'm mostly just drinking soda water nowadays".. which was a bit boring.. and she thought so too and said "wouldn't you like something more treaty..?" and so I said "whatever you bring I will happily drink".. so we shall see (so long as it's not booze it should be fine!).

The liquid fixation has definitely passed.

Did a wonderful Bubble Hour show this week. A whole hour of recovery-related chat but it felt like 10 minutes! We spoke at one point about how unique and individual everyone's drinking story is, just as everyone's recovery story is too.

I'm really careful to try and not judge others drinking habits or compare their recovery to mine My truth is my truth.. and my relationship with myself is all that matters at the end of the day. I can share my truth with all and sundry (which I do all over the internet all the time!!) and people can draw what they can from my story.. but their story will be different.

It might only be a little bit different.. or it might be a lot different… but it's guaranteed it will be different. I learn from so many others who share around this lovely online recovery community.. it's so freaking great how we can all learn from and support each other despite our unique experiences of addiction.

On that note my middle boy is sitting next to me hassling me to get off the computer so he can go on YouTube and watch some dude in another country play a video game he likes. So I'd best be off.

Have wonderful weekends everyone. Be very kind to yourselves.

Love, Mrs D xxx

51 comments:

  1. You did an amazing job on the bubble hour.
    My son does the ame thing. Watching people play video games? I don't get it.

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  2. You are so right. It is a wonderful recovery online community. The support and encouragement is great. It is bloody freezing and Pumpkin soup sounds yum. Enjoy your evening. Cherie xx

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  3. Well I am sitting here at beach where I am about to finish 5 weeks no alcohol. Hard here cos this is my place where most my heavier drinking occurred. It was so easy to justify cos we were at the beach and everyone did it. It is also the place I was at 5 weeks ago when I decided enough is enough and I haven't been back since. Ive kept myself very busy at work and home so to just sit here with out a wine in my hand is well hard. Also my parents hae arrived with bottles I exquisite wine but I have told them I doin dry July so I will b ok. But by god it is a test!
    Things ha hit rock bottom though with secret drinking throughout the day while family out fishing then an afternoon nap to cope and then a bottle with evening meal etc not letting on to the first half a bottle at lunchtime.
    It was bad and I hated the secrecy and vigour nervous if anyone came into the kitchen an discovered my wine in my coke can.

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    1. Sorry not internet here so on I phone and it published half way through....

      So anyway here I am basking in this glorious day looking at the waves and thinking I really should have a wine in my hand but of course I won't so I hae instead whipped out my phone so I can write this and distract myself until the yearning passes.

      God this is hard so much easier at home where I have been able to keep myself busy working and cooking and cleaning. Oh well I will hang in there. Might take the dogs for a walk - I am hear the clinking of wine bottles an beer bottles. Shit it's only gone 4.00 they cd at least wait till 5!!! I think I definitely need to leave the house.

      I look forward to hearing from u online community I may check in later to ensure I keep strong!!!! Wish me luck!

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    2. I am so with you Squizzle! I was at the beach too when i made my decision.... only 4 days ago and yep... lots of heavy drinking took place there. Think how much more we can enjoy the amazingness the beach has to offer without the haze clouding us!

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  4. Hi mrs d its amazing here i am 3 weeks into my sobriety its friday nite and im sitting here having another cup of tea.
    Its weird i seem to always want a drink near me.
    Im feeling up and down with sobriety its a rollercoaster of emotions and a real mental obsession, had a bit of the yes no thing going on, but sleep comes easy lots of early nites tucked up in bed with my book, lovely hangova free mornings! Sobriety rocks :)

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    1. Just making tea here too. Not feeling that sobriety rocks just yet, but doing it ... :)

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  5. I am at four months sober and loving it. I accessed help through the alcohol helpline, spent an hour talking to a great guy about my age 60 ish. We talked about reducing consumption v abstinence but as I have found in recent years my ability to control the intake is not that good I have chosen abstinence. I do not want to label myself alcoholic but in some tests I guess I am. I prefer "problem drinker". AA is not for me in a small provincial town with a professional profile. I really enjoy reading your blog and get a lot of support from your comments. I can recognise so much. The cravings have just about gone now and am getting used to the start, hopefully, of a new life. I am happier, tolerate people who normally annoy me a lot better, work better and, lastly sleep better!! Between your Blog Mrs D and contact with 1 or 2 really good friends who are dry and have been through our journey I am managing.

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    1. Hi, really interested that you had a good experience with the alcohol helpline. I spoke to a young girl (I get that you can have an alcohol problem at most ages and I can only assume the helpline is volunteer based) however she basically gave me the statistics, confirmed I was a problem drinker and then referred me on to the likes of AA / CADs before asking what else I wanted from her. I suppose just because I felt it was such a big move to admit my alcohol problem I expected some warm fuzzy reception lol. It was reading the blogs here that really inspired me to call. I think I'll stick to the blogs - they are amazing :)

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    2. I guess I was lucky. The guy had been through the mill himself and had the life experience and patience to know how to provide me with the options. This blog is fantastic. All the best

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    3. Thanks for these comments, very helpful. I agree Koru is hard but if I get stuck into clearing emails I will be kept busy. Thanks again, I'll post next week with my progress.

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  6. 4 days in and i fully took pride in going to the gym after a busy day at work... whipped up a yummy dinner for the family. No friday night wine but a soda in a wine glass! Yay... go me! Feeling good! Thank you Mrs D for inspiring me to kick booze in the arse! Muah x

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  7. My daughter says "heh heh, 'get off the computer Mum', I like that title". She's leaned up hard against me wishing I'd pass the laptop over. :). Thanks for another great post x

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  8. I'm at 11 days and feel very proud of myself. I've had a couple of encounters where others were drinking two at work drinks and one night at my parents for dinner. All of them were actually ok. My parents dinner was fun to remember the night the following day (usually the conversation was a blurr the next day). We went out for dinner tonight and I had a fizzy drink. I'm a little nervous about next week, I'm travelling for work and will be on my own two night which in the past I'd be looking forward to but I'm now really nervous - I almost am scared to be alone where I can drink again. I used to do s much in secret that it feels too familiar. Has anyone got tips on how I can get through two nights out of town on my own?

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    1. Hmmm I too used to travel for work and I know what u mean. Have u thought of along the hotel ahead of time and asking for the alcohol to be removed from the room? U cd add tht u r doing dry July If u r uncomfortable with the request. Also if u pack urself some treats and make sure u have lots of non alcoholic treats available so u feel happy and take a goo book to read or watch some good TV. Alternatively organise to meet someone for dinner an tell them ahead of time u r doing dry July. Prior to dinner when everyone else is boozing at the bar if u r with others go for a brisk walk and u will return feeling really proud of urself. Good luck

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    2. I travel lots for work and am a bit worried about that too. I am worried about the Koru Lounge (I always drink there) and my room at nights. Koru Lounge has soda water so that will work there, and am thinking of packing nice tea for my room at nights? Dunno. Its a hard one as you are so often stressed and tired traveling for work, I know you can do it though, we both can.

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    3. Hi there, I just thought I'd check in and say thanks for the advice. I went out for Japanese on my own tonight and enjoyed a pot of lovely green tea with my meal. Sitting here in hotel room with cuppa feeling absolutely amazing. Love being in control and the clear head every morning is awesome!

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  9. What is it with boys and YouTube? I've had to increase our data limit twice this year!

    It is wonderful you acknowledge that we're all different and have varied habits. That's what I love about your blog and book, you don't judge, you write your own story 'as it is' and yet, it helps us all.

    Have a great weekend Mrs D x

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  10. Well I did It. Mind u after dinner it felt like 10.00 and I said I was off to bed only to check my wrath to find it is only 8.30!!!! Oh well I have come down with a cold so pleading feeling bad and have snuck off to a lovely bed with masses of duvets/blankets and a hottie and proud that I didn't succumb!! It was a beautiful meal with lots of chatter and laughter. Success!!!!

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  11. First Friday in 20+ years sober for me. Around lots of people drinking at the local - kept sneaking a peek on here which helped get me through! Thanks guys, you rock! Day 5 and gaining by the day, together we can all slay the wine monster! xx

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    1. A longtime overdueJuly 19, 2014 at 12:20 PM

      Go you! That is awesome - Friday nights are very hard.

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    2. Thank u! Yes they are, I feel so empowered having done it - it's like a big mental thing was so scared but it was nothing like I had feared, go the wine slayers! Xx

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    3. Wonderful that is such an achievement isn't it! Fantastic it just gets easier an easier going forward. Pretty impressed that u r venturing iti the local on ur first week!! I pretty much hibernated the first few weeks to ensure I wasn't tempted. And I tell u hit the or month mark and everything changed! Confidence that I can do this skyrocketed. Feeling happy and proud and the weight has started falling off. Keep at it Nancy pants it is worth it!!

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    4. Well done Sqizzle! I can only dream of getting to a month - baby steps and one day at a time for all of us, yes I wasn't sure to go out but living in a very small town it's really the only place to catch up and it was still good to chat to friends at the end of the week and also better to be not the only person who wasn't drinking alcohol! Big thumbs up to us all!

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  12. This type of blog is definitely a big part of my tool box in my quest to die sober (hopefully of old age) 14 months down 40 years + to go!

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  13. Not feeling quite like 'sobriety rocks' just yet, 3 weeks wine free for me. Its been a hell of a week. My sixth a final day at work, only one day off this week for me. Finished work at 6pm, popped into the supermarket on the way home, it was dark and pissing down with rain and I thought I could kill a glass of wine. I went down the wine aisle, and thought you know you won't just have one, you will down the lot and feel sick all day tomorrow and depressed until Wednesday. Thankfully I didn't succumb but thought about all the wonderful people on this online community and they wouldn't want me to do it. Its nice to know I'm not alone. Is it me but everything seems to be on special, clearly the alcohol market is suffering with so many people doing 'Dry July'!!

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  14. Well done you! I find it kinda funny the outlets are trying so much harder to shift the booze - ha, ha! I love that Mrs D really focuses on that we're not losing anything, we're gaining lots and lots. I find that SO empowering. Just had dinner at my mum-in-law's. She and hubby had wine. I had a glass of water (she was so expecting me to drink wine that's all she'd got). Thank goodness for Dry July - I just said I'd signed up and she didn't ask anymore when she thought I might ask her to sponsor me. Previously, I'd have been sipping slowly and waiting as long as possible between sips so I didn't finish half the bottle before they got through their single glasses. It's much more relaxing when you don't have that agenda. Keep it up - you DO rock!

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  15. Hi Mrs D, just listen to you and the lovely ladies on the Bubble hour. You have opened up such a community of soberness to me and I am loving it. I had a long hard road to recovery and utilised every resource that was available (rehab, AA, salvation army, counseling) . I have been sober for 3years and was not that happy. But you have made me feel good about being sober. Am truely loving it now so thankyou Mrs D.

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  16. Hi Mrs. D.
    First time commenting for me, although have been following many blogs, I listen to the bubble hour as well. Finally have worked up the courage to share.
    I have been struggling for many years with alcohol. Tried stopping and moderating many times. This time is (day 7)different I hope. My daughter just returned from Australia, we were sitting together on the balcony, wines in hand when she said to me "Mom I have a drinking problem" We had finished one bottle a bottle of wine and had a couple of beers earlier on. She said she felt like more wine, none was left which was good.. We talked for hours and together have stopped. I am not sure if it is forever for either of us but definitely time to dig deeper and explore our relationship with alcohol. Yes I feel somewhat responsible, but that is another issue for me to work on.
    Mrs. D you mentioned Tara Brach in one of your blogs.My daughter and I both have found strength in her wisdom. Thank you for being an inspiration.

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  17. Day 1 for me,
    Nearly finished your book, your story could be my story.
    I am so impressed by your bravery, I emailed you straight after watching your interview on Demand, Thank you for your honesty in your reply.
    I'm now on my journey to living my life sober
    Feeling really nervous, excited and shit scared to be honest.
    Thanks for being such a brave person I would have stayed in my fog till I died or something awful happened and woke me up.
    You are truly my inspiration
    xx

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    1. Well done!! Only day 6 for me so early days but hang in there you have so much to gain!

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  18. day 21 for me. Go you. Hope it all goes as you need and want it to.

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  19. 6 and a 1/2 months and loving it - its a new life and a new way of being after 25 or so guilt written and very embarrassing years. Mrs D is right when she says we gain so much - we don't actually lose anything. A mantra for all of us to hold dear to our hearts in good times and temptation.

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  20. Loved hearing you on The Bubble Hour this week, Lotta. You inspire me! I am on day 44. Things were easy until this week, and I am missing my martinis terribly. So glad you and the rest of the sober community is here to get me through this.

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    1. Hi sanfransober. What has changed? Has something happened or has it just got to you? Feel free to share I am sure someone will have some suggestions. We are at similar stage I am going into week 6. Can I assume u r in San Francisco? Hello from NZ. We are here for u.

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  21. Just listening to the Bubble Hour and you talk about loving the feeling of alcohol in your body which really resonates with me, I too love the feeling of it running through my body, the tingling feeling. Great listening to your story, very encouraging. Thanks

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  22. I haven't listened to the Bubble Hour yet, but YES YES YES the feeling of alcohol in my body, warming me up and flowing though, I love it to. Totally get that.

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  23. Mrs D, I'm interested to know if you've had any negative feedback since you "came out." Everyone seems so positive. Colleagues said they never noticed etc. I know it's an advantage that you have been without for years, but I wonder if anyone has had anything negative to say.

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  24. I had experiences like a couple of people that posted over the weekend. I work out of town a lot also. Haven't really had a problem (4 weeks) but struggled on Friday night. I had to stay overnight at my brothers. But he and his lovely family are overseas at the moment. it was just me in their house. A bottle of wine would used to have been the cure for such a lonely feeling. But I didn't. Crikey it was hard walking past the wine in the supermarket. That feeling didn't last too long. Treated myself to a yummy takeaway and a series of Miranda on the DVD player. In the morning I walked along Sumner Beach. I felt great and after 4 weeks of not buying a bottle of wine felt bloody proud of myself. I looked to my left and one of the decorated containers that now line the road to Sumner had painted in bit loud letters "Yeah, so you should". Awesome!

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  25. Hi Mrs D,

    I assume from the post that not all of your friends understand that you are a non-drinker?

    I relapsed for a few months in the midst of 5-6 years of sobriety, and I still have friends who ask me if I want a pint. I tell them that I don’t drink, and they reply: “But you do sometimes, right?”

    It really bothers me when they do this. There is a part of me that thinks they want me to say yes. They want the old me back. But the old me is dead. The bad parts anyway.

    You should buy two computers with the money you have saved from not drinking :)

    Keep up the good work.

    Lee

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  26. Hi folks. I'm new to blogging, but not new to boozing. I've got stuff to get off my chest, but don't want to be known as "Anonymous" all the time. I want to give myself a name, but it obviously won't be my real name. What to I do? I'm a newbie, this is only day 3. Shit it's hard.

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  27. Firstly, thank you so much Mrs D for being the inspiring force behind my decision to quit alcohol. I had been working up to it for some time but somehow you clinched the deal for me in my mind when I saw the Sunday programme & then read your book. I'd been having those 'annoying conversations' with myself for ages. This is day 30 for me and I'm so glad etc but I'm having a problem now with body aches & pains quite bad.I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this also? It isn't a physical desire to drink, it's pains in the joints, which started about a week ago. Thanks heaps again Mrs D, can't express my gratitude enough to you!

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  28. I am a woman in my fifties who has had a disastrous relationship with alcohol for 36 years. I am so desperate to stop and, want what you and others on here have Mrs D. I feel ashamed and appalled that I have let this go on for so long.
    I have a supportive partner and two beautiful teenagers and would like to give up this hideous addiction once and for all. I had a meltdown three years ago, managed to be honest with my partner for the first time about the extent of my problem and did not drink for three months. I felt relieved and positive for the first time in years.
    Managed to convince myself and other half that I could go back to moderate drinking but we all know where that leads.

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    1. Only day 10 for me Newlife - I too want the same thing and know I can't just have one drink - I never know when to stop and will end up killing myself, I wish one was enough but it never is. You have done it once and you can do it again, we are all strong and beautiful women together we can beat it xxx

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    2. Thanks so much Nancy pants - day 3 for me and not feeling so bleak today. There are so many of us going through the same thing, have to remind ourselves that lots have beat this and as you say so can we x

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    3. It's getting easier I think - whenever I'm tempted I just jump on here and read Mrs D's posts in the early days - it helps xx hang in there and think of all the great things we gain, respect, time, life, family, clarity and self worth. We lose absolutely nothing worth losing. X

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  29. Published too early. I am commenting here as a declaration to myself that this has to stop and I need to make a proper commitment this time. I so want the lying and hiding to stop. My grandmother, mother and elder sister all abused alcohol and I want to end this here before it is too late for me.

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  30. I've lost track of the days - stopped counting, since I watched Mrs D on the Sunday programme (with glass of wine in hand, naturally), and decided the following day to give it up. Dry July has made it easier I suppose - most people just accept I'm stopping for the month and then I'll be back on it but I won't be. I don't want to. I prefer the sober me. Is this the pink cloud or whatever its called? I read Allen Carr after Mrs D's book, and now I'm half way through Jason Vale. It all makes so much sense. There is so much to love about being sober but the most surprising thing is how much I find myself laughing - out loud, really laughing and being happy. Every now and then the monster makes herself known and I think I'd like a glass of wine but it passes so quickly. I'm dipping in and out here to read comments to keep me strong too. Life is good. The support is incredible. Thanks everyone!

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