I'd likely still be that disconnected, fuzzy-headed, numb woman that I was .. although 5+ years older, thicker around the middle and dumber in the head.
Ugh I shudder to think about a life where I'm still having boozy nights filled with faux exuberance and slurry togetherness.
I know lost of people still do that and enjoy it and good on them but for me I just sooooooo appreciate authentic get-togethers and genuine emotions. I love feeling everything in the raw - yes even the bad stuff (although it hurts like hell sometimes). I love that I can always count on myself to be available in any scenario to my full capacity. I love that little memorable cracks of light come through every event - even the ones that are slightly tricky on the surface (see my last post for a perfect example of that).
Since I've gotten sober I've achieved so much! And I have grown so much as a person. Unbelievable amounts of growth and achievements. I don't think anyone can help but grow and achieve things and sort things out when they quit drinking. You just do because you can never avoid anything.. even if it happens really slowly, change does happen.
I watch many, many people get sober now through the blogosphere and the Living Sober community.. and NEVER have I seen someone in long term recovery (like after a year or so) say their life is getting worse. NEVER.
Only good things come from giving up drinking. Only good things. Because we are forced, slowly and sometimes with great resistance, to change that which is not fulfilling and good. We are forced to address pesky issues that when boozing we probably left to simmer and drag us down. It is uncomfortable and annoying and depressing at times but slowly sober people just SORT SHIT OUT.
There are no downsides. NONE!
I love, love, love living sober and I love, love ,love hanging around a tribe of people who are digging deep to become the best versions of themselves that they can be.
I am typing this with a bored outlook because the school holidays are dragging on, a slightly depressed feeling about my lack of exercise and over-eating habit that needs to be addressed, a bloody sore neck that kept me awake last night, and yet I am still feeling utterly delighted to be living a life that is raw, real, and recovered. Yes!!!
Sober is good.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Posts like these are so helpful for people like me who have slipped up (in a huge way) and are back pushing through. Thanks for being a bright light in what feels like the worlds darkest tunnel at the moment.
ReplyDeleteHope the neck feels better soon and remember all of us moms feel like that during the school holidays.
Thank you Mrs D. I am only 6 days into my sober journey but a post like this really reminds me and reinforces why I am making this change in my life. Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteSober is good. Sober is great! Thank you Mrs D for the service you render. What a great community it is.
ReplyDeleteNo one ever wakes up wishing they had a hangover!
ReplyDeleteLife is truly beautiful...and ordinary...and still complicated so,times. But I am free!
Your words are so true!! A key thing for me as I launched into sobriety was to not try to control the process ... yes, I had to control staying sober, but I had to let all the good stuff come in their own due time. As a natural born control freak this was very hard for me. I kept hearing about all the benefits of sobriety (clearer skin, better sleep, etc.) and I wanted it all to happen NOW. Be patient, be kind and gentle with yourself. It does happen. Let the process work for you. Don't try to force it. Sober is indeed good!
ReplyDeleteAlthough things do change slowly, now that I have almost 2 1/2 years, I can say my life is much better!
ReplyDeletexo
Wendy
There are no downsides. NONE!"
ReplyDeleteI love this post.
Much is said on TV etc with actors playing ex-alcoholics saying things like "never a day passes without me wanting a drink" and "it's so hard, even after 20 years".
There may be much truth in those lines, but what about the comments I read on this blog? They all say what you have just said. "There are no downsides. NONE!" This needs to be shared and shared and shared.
I was always too afraid to give up. Thought I would never be able to enjoy my life after alcohol. Somehow lodged in my head was the feeling that although ex-drinker's lives improved, they never escaped the shame machine and always wanted a drink. I realise now that that is only a tiny part of the story.
Such early days for me (77) and messages like this and all others out there are so fantastic to read.
Thicker around the middle and dumber in the head - could have been the least of our problems! Potentially (and most likely) the drinking would have increased and relationships with family could only be on the dramatic decline.
Thanks to your determination and insight you are here now - sober 5 years on.
I thank you Mrs D for sharing you story on TV that night. I wouldn't be here now if I didn't see that - which first started me putting a massive question mark on my behaviour. I would not be in recovery - my blog is so unlike anything I have ever done. I don't have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram nothing like that. You gave me the confidence to do it.
Thank you again :)
Michelle xx
I love your page! It inspired me to start my own blog.. .61 days sober today: https://sheisfierce2017.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteI'm still a stay at home mom wine drinker trying to figure out where to go next. Or rather how to fix this, I'm not really sure how it got out of control. I'm also a mom of 3 with the added plus of a bonus son. I just simply can't find the strength to get started on the path to sobriety. Maybe the wine is simply holding me hostage but your blog is helping. I just finished month 2 and I'm looking forward to reading the rest. Thank you for giving me this inspiration.
ReplyDeleteLiving sober really is grand. You're spot on about dealing with the issues as they arise instead of letting them fester. I'm still working on this. Procrastination is something that I've always been putting off addressing. But at least now (at 150 days) I actually see the problems and put them on my list of things to deal with later. And slowly I actually do get some checked off the list. :)
ReplyDeleteHi mrs D! Day 3 - 40 yr old mom here! but it's not the first day 3 that's for sure. I wanted to ask you about your pregnancies . You mention in your book that you were able to abstain easily when you were "up the duff" lol. With breast feeding I imagine you made it over a year a few times then? So it was easy? I've been thinking maybe I should start trying to have another baby and that would force the accumulated sobriety days that I know I need for me to stick. We just have one boy and he's king of the world currently . Care to share some details about your child bearing time and alcohol? Xxoo
ReplyDeleteOh and I know babies don't fix anything. Don't worry I'm not that silly but I seriously was just wondering about your time back then and also was considering for sobriety and other many reasons how a little sibling might be quite nice .
DeleteMrs D you should consider replying to some of us. I could really use your help to make the transition to sobriety. I know you did it all by yourself but maybe some of us aren't so strong. Just a thought from someone who could improve her life with your help. Btw I'm on month 3 of your sobriety journey and I'm loving every second of it. Although I think our lives are very different and I don't have many people I can reach out to. Think about it.
ReplyDeleteMrs, D, your blog and journey have given me the strength to go sober. I was a wine drinker, mom of two, daughter of an alcoholic who is 20 years sober (go DAD!). I have been 4 months sober until last night when we hosted an event previously planned that was a wine and cheese party.I wondered how the night was going to play out having not drank at Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, birthday celebrations. Well, I decided to have a taste. And right now I am writing you from my bed with the worst pounding headache, an upset stomach and throat from trying to vomit, feeling so terrible, wishing this day was over so I can get back to great non-drinking feelings for 4 month. Just Friday at my desk I streamed listening to the HBO Documentary Risky Drinking while I worked. And here I am completely paralyzed by a hangover. I drank and I was nervous to see how it would make me feel - if It would make me depressed for all of that hard work gone out the window. All I can say is that it was not worth it and I won't try it again. 4 months of getting evening and weekend time back is so worth it. Not focusing on if there is wine in the house is so great. This awful hangover has shown me 100% that I need to stay sober and will. Your blog, Allen Carr's book, Blackout book interviews have given me the inspiration to stay sober. I had been drinking very heavily and started weaning off during the week, then the weekends, then one day after sneaking reading and rereading the books for several months decided to go for it. It was so worth it. Thank you and for others who post on this site for their encouragement. Have a wonderful week from your sober sister in Washington, D.C.
ReplyDeleteHello lovely Mrs D - I love this post and as we sort of got sober together (albeit in different parts of the world) I have always identified. Funnily enough I was just out walking my dog on a nearby beach and thinking about my coming up to five years of sobriety. Sometimes I am so grateful it makes me want to cry. The changes are incredible - some huge changes - like I love living in Wales now, ten minutes from the mountains and the sea. Like my fears have gone. I don't have panic attacks and I don't wake up with that feeling of nameless dread. I spent a week in London recently watching business colleagues getting totally smashed and then watching them drag themselves into the trade show we were attending the next day. I am SO glad that I don't do that any more. My life definitely got better when I stopped killing my self with booze. My body got better too! Life as you so rightly say can be tough, but I no longer want to avoid it. More power to your pen ( or keyboard)!! I didn't get sober to be miserable and I know that at the end of my drinking, misery was my middle name. Lots of love Julie P (and Arthur the sobriety dog x)
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