Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Comments-a-rama!!

Holy SHITBALLS!! 100 + comments on the last post!! Wow you guys.. how wonderful that things have exploded here. This is exactly why I wanted to write the book and speak out.. to reach people who were like me and let them know what wonderful support could be found online. And now look at you all reaching out from behind your computers being brave and determined and kind and and supportive and nonjudgmental to each other. Yay!!!

But boy do we need this new site to be launched…! So we can shift into a space which will better serve us all. I've got a training session with the web designer tomorrow on how to manage the site and all going well with the agencies involved giving the design the go-ahead it will be up and running by the end of next week.

You'll be able to register to become a member and build your own page where you can post regularly and people can comment. You'll be invited to submit a photo of yourself holding a sign with your sobriety date or a wish or hope for the future (and you can cover your face with the sign if you want to be anonymous). I'll have my own blog page on there which will be open to all and I'll post every day about whats going on for me but also highlight issues that are arising for others, good points for discussion etc etc.

For example at the moment a big issue for many is how to transition out of Dry July and tell people around you that this non-drinking malarkey is forever (my advice would be just focus on the truth that only you know and don't spend too much energy worrying what other people make of it.) And on my Facebook page there's been some talk about alcohol in food that's been interesting…I think that'd make for a good discussion. I'll keep my page rolling with new stuff all the time so the site feels very rich and alive.

I'm never short of ideas on matters booze and recovery related! And I never tire of it! I love it! I'm fascinated by it!

But most of all I can remember what it was like to be stuck in a miserable boozy hell-hole.. and I know how magical it feels to be grateful and sober.. and I really want to drag as many people as I can to join me in wonderful sober-land.

I will keep blogging here but probably shorter posts than usual for a while, I'll really be trying to draw people into the new space. Anyone, anywhere is welcome to join FREE!! And we can keep an open dialogue on how the site is working for all of us .. so it will change and adapt as need be.

I'm in a good space. Eating well again, feeling strong and upbeat. Busy cleaning and tidying and cooking and running around after my boys .. but actually today I have a rare afternoon off because my youngest is going on a playdate after kindy.. so I'm free until 3pm. Off to the movies - whoop!

Have a wonderful sober Wednesday everyone.. and don't fret if you're not here yet.. with the help and support of this lovely online recovery community I'm sure it won't take long…

Love, Mrs D xxx

102 comments:

  1. It's all go! And am do damn glad that I got found in the middle of all this and got dragged out of my miserable boozy hell hole! I had tried to moderate for so long (and failed) - now I feel free! I'll be on your website, sign in front of face and ready to go! You've got mine, and many others support. Enjoy your movie. SUCH a joyful thing to actually get to a movie when you have kids :) xx

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  2. Just a thought but maybe we cd put where we live also if people don't want to be too specific u cd just put ur region and add this to your sign which will definitely be in front of my face!!!

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    1. Good idea. I am in the Hutt Valley area... :-)

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    2. Martin, I live in Hutt Valley too. Would you like to meet up for a chat or coffee sometime?

      Cherie xx

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    3. Hiya Cherie, that would be great, a chat over a coffee sounds like a good idea.

      Martin

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    4. Great. Send me an email or post a comment on my blog and I will give you my contact number. You could contact me via my blog mrsstryingtobesober@gmail.com or mrsstryingtobesober.blogspot.co.nz. Not publish my cell for obvious reasons. Squizzi are you local?

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    5. I'm Hamilton

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    6. That is a pity Squizzi. Hope you are doing well :)

      Cherie xx

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  3. Hi there, this is the first time I have written on this site. Great work Lotta, thanks for being so authentic and inspirational,and to everyone for sharing your journeys.
    I too am dragging myself out of the miserable boozy hole. I have been attending meetings and various forms of group counselling, but I am still struggling with that bloody demon. This week I have been seven days sober, this has become a pattern for me. Those bloody slip ups are so guilt ridden. However i can see the light, doing lots of exercise, hanging out with sober people, positive affirmations, listening to the Bubble when I go to bed at night. I will get there- I want to be SOBER!! and feel free. God this feels good writing this down, I don't know why I hadn't done it earlier.!
    Have a great day Lotta and enjoy your movie. xx

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    1. Go you watergiril. You've got us now - and we might be at an end of a computer, but I do find it really really helps knowing everyone else it out there for you. You can do this xx

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    2. Keep going Watergirl. My cousoller suggested writing down my inner thoughts too, esp when I felt flat or wanting to reach for the bottle. Amazingly I too found it very beneficial to me. Then I found Mrs D's blog, and this blog had added another level of support and helped carry me through some of those bad times. and as Colourful says - knowing there are others out there like me, and I am not alone is very comforting. - good luck and keep writing & reading and commenting.

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    3. Thanks so much for your comments Colourful1 and Martin Tonks. It is nice to know I'm not alone and can go on here and read the supportive comments at anytime. Thank you . Well done to everyone on here.
      One day at a time. That's another day finished for me, will have that cup of tea now.:-)x

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  4. Hi Lotta
    Ans thanks again for your great posts, they inspire me, thanks also to all your great followers, you guys are all so supportive.
    I am 11 days sober, havin a tough day have my two kids home sick and I'm thinking of the end of the day when I usually pour a nice glass of chardonay (poison as Alex Carr says) but i won't, I don't want that shit in my life and I want to beat this addiction, so 5 pm will roll around today and I will have a non alcoholic Mojito yum and go to bed sober.
    I don;t feel so alone reading your wonderful comments thanks everyone

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    1. Stay strong and think of how great you will feel in the morning sober and winning another day. I am finding these cold winter nights helping, having a warm cup of tea instead of a glass of wine when I get home subsiding the cravings.

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    2. Thanks Martin, good advice, I find myself going to bed a little earlier and reading so a cuppa with that will do wonders. One day at a time I guess!

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    3. Yea I did that too, off to bed really early and read so I didn't have to think about it... and once I had had the cuppa I didn't feel like another drink. Every day is a new day, just take little steps, seems to be helping me. Good luck :-)

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    4. Its truly wonderful to know you are not alone isn't it ? Knowing that amazing kind and honest people are here to help and support us in our journey and vice versa is a bonus to sobriety straight away :=)

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    5. A little ritual with a cuppa is a great idea, makes you concentrate. Tried a lovely leaf tea at Riverstone recently, Stir, green tea and lemon and treated myself to a lovely little teapot just for me, refreshing . Also that mojito with soda only is delicious. Central otago is my home and this is day 31 for me. Thanks everyone, its not easy and a couple of hiccups have made some loose faith in me, so I guess its not 31 but 20, then 5 then 6 but who's counting. all geared for August.

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  5. Can't wait for the new site!! It sounds awesome!

    Enjoy your afternoon of freedom. What movie did you see? :)

    Traci

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    1. Begin Again… OMG sooooo good

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    2. Not tempted to see Cameron Diaz new movie?? Sex tape. Hilarious!!!

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  6. I've just finished Jason Vale's book - Kick The Drink Easily! I can't recommend it enough. Its AMAZING. So POSITIVE. I feel like making a list of all the positive things that have happened to me since I freed myself from the booze trap, and the lovely light happy feeling I have. Dry July is turning into dry forever and I am simply telling people I've enjoyed sobriety so much I'm going to continue. Someone once told me "what other people think of you is none of your business" and I know its not quite that simple but the fact is you can't really change what other people think of you or think you should be like and there's no point wasting your energy on that. Just be the person you most want to be. Be authentic. The people around you will soon learn who you really are and they will (or won't) accept you.

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    1. Very well said Soberandsmiling... I think I will go out and find that book. I think that quote is fantastic, and may have to borrow it. My counsoller tells me I worry to much about what others think of me... so that will help me a lot.

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    2. Its well worth the hunt Martin Tonks - I couldn't find a print copy anywhere except Auckland Library (with a queue) but I have a kindle and Amazon sell the kindle version. Makes for easier reading on the bus too - no one can see the title :)

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    3. Cheers for that soberandsmiling, modern technology is great sometimes isn't it. Will go visit Amazon shortly :-)

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    4. Lol I imagine Mrs D is responsible for the huge queues for alcoholism books at the Auckland Library right now! I can't wait for the new website - hopefully it will have a section listing all the recommended books and we can rate them as to how useful they were to us.

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    5. Try fishpond for the book Martin, ordered mine on there took 7 days to arrive and reading it now - was around $25 - you are welcome to borrow it once i have devoured every page :) -

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    6. I havnt found any of books recommended in shops or local library, suggestions would be welcomed please, no kindle for me

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  7. Unexpected side effect of sobriety #1. My finger nails have grown! How weird is that? I'm not consciously growing them, ie I haven't stopped biting my nails or whatever I used to do to them. They've just grown and I'm really enjoying that. Has anyone else had similarly unexpected and unrelated side effects?

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  8. Lotta you have been my inspiration since before you were 'famous' :) have been reading your blogs and back blogs for 3 months now and proud to say I'm 60 days sober today. Loving it and I know it's forever for me. I just can't go back to being that person. I have tough days and then really easy ones but it's really been worth it. I feel I'm evolving as the person I was meant to be, not riddled with booze. Thank you - you have been a lifesaver. Literally.

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  9. I've hit a low. The thing is though it's not about alcohol. I feel a bit of a fraud actually for even speaking out here about it. I'm fine about the booze, 31 days now. But it's the eating I am having issues over, doing a lot of self reproach and sense of failure at not being able to moderate my eating. It so pisses me off. Got the alcohol sorted why not the food. I really want to lose weight, thought going off wine would see an initial drop off but not so much. Feeling crap, right now I'm just feeling crap.

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    1. Now is the time to be kind to yourself. You are doing wonderfully. 31 days without booze - go you! Yes, you may want to address your eating, but you might just need to focus on this one wonderful thing you are doing right now, and then when the time is right, address the next thing. My god, no one ever tells someone to give up smoking and drinking all at the same time - its too much - and its the same with food. So go easy, you will get there. One day at a time. xx

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    2. I agree with what Colourful said Breezi... focus on one thing at a time and get that right and then move on to the next thing. It is better to do one thing perfectly than a handful of things averagely. remember to pat ya self on the back every now and then for the great things you are achieving.

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    3. Also, if we give up too many vices, we'll all be so damn perfect it will just be irritating to be around us! :)

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    4. thanks guys, appreciate your comments and yes you are all right. Gave me a laugh to.

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    5. I know what you mean about the eating thing, I have felt I deserved a treat because I was not downing all that wine.... I think colourful and Martin are right, be kind to yourself and tackle one thing at a time. You are doing do well.
      My friend said to me the booze is the number one thing to give up everything else can wait,
      Be around the people that love you for you and support you on this incredible journey.
      Take special care xx

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    6. I know right?? I have only lost one kilo in the last month despite watching intake and increase in exercise. But amongst my complaining this morning after weighing my self esteem (my daily punishment) my husband gently reminded me that it always takes a month before the body agrees to let go for some very strange reason. His subtle observation - very funny actually cos he is a real Kiwi bloke!

      You see I have been here before and what I have noticed is after 5-6 weeks all of a sudden the weight just falls off. I mean quite fast. I think it is also that your body has stopped craving in general and your blood sugar levels are good and if you eliminate sugars it helps even further and without even realising it you are actually nourishing your body instead of substituting alcohol.

      So be patient. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself this time to spoil yourself a little with food that is a bit "treaty" and the rest will follow when you are ready.

      Also you may be interested in a podcast I listened to on the Bubble Hour today called Sister Addictions which is about alcohol and food issues. You may get something out of it.

      You are not alone - I doubt many of us a skinny after pouring that many calories into our bodies every week. Imagine us come summer - we will be awesome!! I mightn't even have to hide in a maxi floor length dress at the beach this summer - yeeha!

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    7. First time commenting but been lurking for a while ☺ Was compelled to take a good hard look at my drinking after seeing Mrs D on Sunday and decided it was time to make some drastic changes in my life. Set 2nd August as the day i stop drinking and smoking. Both really self destructive behaviours for me and i'm hoping i can beat both addictions with the same coping strategies. Am i mad? Has anyone else done the same successfully?

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    8. Hi Sid - welcome. 2nd August is close now so I hope you're all set to go ahead with your plan. I've been going on a bit about one book in particular I've read but actually I've read both Allen Carr's and Jason Vale's (the two Mrs D highly recommends in her book). Both address people in your position - who have planned but not yet put the drink down. It may be a good idea to get hold of one or both of their books and start reading now. They're an enormous help. Good luck - we're all here to support you. Re the smoking and drinking combo ("alcohol and nicotine, the greatest lovers there's ever been") I personally find it much much easier to stay off the ciggies now that I'm not drinking but I've always been a bit of a social smoker - they just went together for me. I hope you find it easier to quit both at the same time too. Don't forget to let us know how you're getting on. All the best.

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    9. I can't recommend 'Allan Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking' enough... read it and you seriously won't even want to smoke. You have to follow the rules though, so be flexible about your date (you're not allowed to give up until you've finished the book). Personally, I gave up drinking a year before I gave up smoking. For me, it was good to give my full focus to one addiction at a time.

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    10. Thankyou so much for the wonderful advice and support! Have been reading Allen Carr's book and will definitely get Jason Vale's too. Overall feeling confident but having some wobbly moments (like last night) when i wonder what the hell am i thinking?!! Have been so inspired by the amazing support shown in these posts and can't wait for the new site. Reading about other peoples experiences makes it feel possible ☺

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    11. Thankyou so much for the wonderful advice and support! Have been reading Allen Carr's book and will definitely get Jason Vale's too. Overall feeling confident but having some wobbly moments (like last night) when i wonder what the hell am i thinking?!! Have been so inspired by the amazing support shown in these posts and can't wait for the new site. Reading about other peoples experiences makes it feel possible ☺

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    12. A longtime overdueJuly 31, 2014 at 12:59 PM

      Stink, I have several lows too. Not least of all the extraordinary life challenges that have kept popping up! Feel like the devil is testing my fortitude. Thank God each morning that I didn't add alcohol to the mix. I have replace booze with eating, which is a bugger. I am trying to be kind on myself and think, one mountain at a time. I agree with above that the body needs to readjust to the new you. And the body is probably wondering where all those lovely carb calories have disappeared to. Someone posted about dropping sugar straight away to help with the cravings. I am not THAT disciplined. Especially when my night treat for no alcohol is a cuppa and a couple of choccie bikkies. One step, one day at a time. I can feel that things are starting to re balance and I am very faithful that it will come right. Maybe examine what the alcohol was covering (in terms of underlying issues) and ask yourself if food is doing the same thing? For me booze balanced the stress, the superwoman achievements....etc. I am addressing the stress (not that successfully) but again, the process takes time. Hang in their Breezi, you write lovely comments for others.xxx

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    13. Thanks A Longtime overdue and everyone for your supportive and kind words. Pleased to report that today I am back in my positive head space. I'm quite sure that food is a prop for what ever reason, I'm sure that if I can stop the wine I can stop the destructive eating patterns.

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  10. Oh bring on the website! I am new to this but I am interacting to people on different blogs and it will be so really cool just to have one avenue to relate to everyone. It would be like a cyber meeting. How cool Lotta, you are amazing and without you we would not have this cohesive group. Now we can join together, Well done.

    Cherie xx

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  11. Hi Lotta, just love that Mr Sponsorpants, such a clever and wise man.

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  12. Here's a quote I love.....
    "It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues".
    Abraham Lincoln.

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    1. And that is why I will never give up coffee - because I would then be vice free. How annoying would that be? :)

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  13. Day 30 for me and it's my birthday and I'm sitting here having a cuppa, very nice it is too. I've also given up smoking - day 17. Feeling very clever with myself at the mo. Thank you so much Mrs D you have been such an inspiration. I wouldn't be at this place without you.

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    1. Happy Birthday!! Well done. Hope you are having a lovely meal tonight to celebrate! And giving up smoking - go girl (or boy - not sure)

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    2. Happy Birthday from me and you are very clever and strong thanks for the inspiration ;)

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  14. We need to get you a sober superhero cape Lotta :) When the cyber gates to your new empire open - I'll be there xx

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  15. Me too....day 3 for me..early days, but I am feeling very determined. Thank you Lotta xx

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  16. Day 17 for me and i am loving all these blogs and reading eveyone supporting each other! Its so nice to know that you are all out there and we are all in the same boat! Whenever im feeling flat or thinking about the dreaded poisonous vino i jump on here, read your blogs and ka..boooooom! My faith is restored and motivation cranked! So thanks to all of u guys out there! Together, the world is our oyster! ;)

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  17. Loved loved loved your book!! Thank you for your strength, courage and honesty in helping all of us out there know that we are not alone in this journey, not alone in having good and bad days and not alone in trying to change our lives for the better and coping with the ups and downs that come along with that. OH and thank you for 'holy shitballs' ... without a doubt funniest thing I have ever heard! Day 79 or so now for me and no intention of ever going back to drinking. Last few weeks were a bit hard but your words certainly gave me the perspective I needed. You rock Mrs D!

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  18. Hi Mrs D and friends. Your post came at a good time, Mrs D. Have been at work all day, and really felt like a wine on the way home. Arrived home, and wifey decided to try a glass of that Givertz stuff. And that’s all she had, one flippin’ glass! Then the bottle goes back in the frig for a few days. A few days! Gimme a break! So I look at it longingly, then say to myself “Nah. You don’t need that shit.” And reach for my Indian Tonic Water and Bitters. Mixing my drinks, I know. But I can handle it. Another dry day folks. Boy it feels good.

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    1. Good on you. Hubby opened a beer last night and left it on the bench. I don't usually go for beer but I love that first mouthful and I was so tempted to pick it up and have that mouthful. But I didn't. Told myself it was still July and I've chosen not to drink. And so moved on. Tempted yes, but I didn't do it just like you. We're awesome.

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  19. I'm so glad you are in a good place right now Mrs. D because your joy of sobriety is infectious. I'm celebrating 5 months myself and although it is still early (in old-timers standards), I've been feeling really good, happy and healthy for several months. None of that pink cloud bullshit for this girl-just real life gratitude and happiness to be sober and alive. I'm going on vacation next week and your book is coming with me as my treat. xoxo

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  20. Exciting. As a technical numpty who can't even remember how to change the background on my blog, I'm impressed at the idea of your website

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    1. Hey NoMore, technical numpty - I like that. It's nicer than me describing myself as techno dumb!! Still working on getting my blog site all sorted out but hey I have at least managed to set up a blog site, numpty brain and all.

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    2. I can't even figure out how to follow a blog I like on mine, help please??

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  21. Thanks so much,can't wait for the new site.I'm very new to this but amazed and loving reading what everyone has to say.It feels like I'm such an alien among my friends and have seen the little eye rolls so it's great to read all the friendly,non judgmental support.Big hugs to you all for the kindness you show.

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    1. Hi Charlie, I'm fortunate in that many of my friends / family aren't big drinkers or don't care if you do or don't,. I have one friend I am nervous about telling though. It occurred to me that we worry like we are doing something really weird or wrong but you only have to read this blog and all the comments to know we are totally normal and in awesome company.

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  22. Is there anyone out there who doesn't drink either tea or coffee, herbal or otherwise????????????Anyone.....................I don't, never have. I've been trying some herbal teas people have suggested through this blog but I just don't like them. So to replace the wine I'm doing diet coke and Mac's fizz drinks, which are all very nice but not exactly a constructive alternative on a daily basis. I do like cranberry juice and soda water. I just wondered if anyone else didn't do the hot drink thing and what they were doing instead.
    I've been juicing for breakfast all week and yum. Thinking I might do a 3 day smoothie challenge.

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    1. O found these really yummy drinks at COuntdown Soho, they do a few different flavours cosmopolitan, mojito and margeritta, all non alcoholic, I save mine for the evening, they do have sugar, but still better for you than wine, I put mine in the freezer for a while then have a frozen margerita, it's my treat, hope that helps xx

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    2. Ms Penelope DroppedJuly 31, 2014 at 3:20 PM

      Barkers do a range of low-cal concentrates.

      Orange and Barley, mixed with soda water, and a slice of lemon is refreshing and not too cloying if mixed weak.

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    3. I do diet ginger beer Breezie or tomato juice with a bit of spice... And fruit smoothies are fantastic. Charlies does a raspberry & apple juice drink with not a lot of sugar too.. Great for us diabetics... Hope ya find something to satisy ya thirst. 😁

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    4. Yumm! I do soda water with Hansells sugar free Mojito alcohol free mix. Also comes in Cosmopolitan if you like cranberry.

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  23. There's a new soda on the block called Hopt and its NZ made. It comes in four delicious flavours and is lower in sugar/carbs than many of the other non alc's out there. Its available at countdown I think and some bars/cafes but not nearly enough. I absolutely love it - just wish it was easier to buy when at restaurants etc... www.hopt.co.nz

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    1. thanks to all of you, you are amazing. I got a little teary reading your suggestions, the support out there is incredible and touches the heart. I would never have known about it if I hadn't seen Lotta on telly that night.

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    2. Which town/city are you living in Breezi? Or have I already asked that on a previous blog??

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  24. One of the downsides of my job is I have customers that sell alcohol... I thought i had this sussed but after seeing a customer this afternoon all i could think of was that taste. The voice in my head keeps saying to go get just one of those small bottles of wine from the supermarket.... After being strong for a few weeks I can't kill that voice today... So here I am in my car sitting by the river eating junk. Reading posts and writing down thoughts trying to kill this craving.

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    1. Hang in there Martin, you are strong and right now you are doing more than you think - okay so you are having strong thoughts about alcohol AND you are not doing it, right now you are taking positive steps in your car reading and writing and not doing alcohol. Keep it up. Louise Hay says it's just a thought and a thought can change. Analyse this, are you having a physical or mental craving?? Give yourself a genuine pat for staying alcohol free and see all the positives that are happening right now and what you are doing. Stay tough Martin.

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    2. Thankyou Breezi... I am trying to and words have made me smile & take a deep breath and refocus. Love that quote.
      it is just a thought... And you are right, one I can change. My mind was just so clouded for a while.. Longer than previous times. So lucky to have this blog and support from like minded people. Thanks heaps again

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    3. you are very welcome. hope you are doing better now.
      and thanks for the drinks suggestions.

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    4. Yea thanks Breezi I am. Used to be the sort that would just sort things out in my own head, but I find it amazing how putting it out there, writing or verbalizing things helps. The pull was so strong this afternoon, and having a sounding board/blog really helped me keep it in check and push through those thoughts. Home now with a cuppa watching the army of ant invade my kitchen.... well at least that will take my mind off things..
      Sounds like you have a few very good drink suggestions from people.. perhaps you should try a different one each day and report back to us....

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    5. looks like I'm going to have to do some shopping....
      good luck with the ants!

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  25. Focus on tomorrow morning and how great you'll feel when you wake up. Clear headed, full of energy and self respect. I'm sure I've heard you give that very advice to others. You've been a great sounding board for the rest if us. We're here for you now. Hang in there. It's worth the effort - you know that. Stay in touch

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    1. Thank you Soberandsmiling, very well put, and that does keep getting me there.. I don't want to ruin the work I have already done, and I suppose that is the frustrating thing with this addiction that you can be strong one moment and frail the next. Than you very much for your kind words and support... It really does help - and couldn't agree with you more, it is worth the effort.

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  26. How do you put your name on here instead of anonymous?

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    1. I do it by selecting profile "Name/URL" below with the down arrow and then type in a nickname on the first line and click on Continue and that's it. Easy peezy

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  27. I did it by having a Gmail account and signing in on that, and then clicking on that option below where it asks "Comment As" - not sure if that is the only way to do it or not though

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  28. Loving the blog and reading all of the advice. I'm trying to decide how to go back to socialising again. I have avoided it for a few months to help break the boozing habit. I want to go out this weekend and I'm driver so I won't drink. I'm a bit worried that I will feel boring and resentful of those that are drinking all night! The other half of me think bugger it I'll just dance and have a good time anyway. It's been a bit testing this week as my husband commented that I'm holier than thou!!!!! GRRRR and can't see why I don't just let loose...BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. Sorry rant over. I also have been getting some very strong emotional waves about growing up in a house which was dominated by the chaos of alcohol addiction. It's been like the feelings have been buried and are now slowly seeping out at random moments, like sitting at the traffic lights!!! I'm sure it's healthy and good to happen but very unexpected when I started this journey. Love to all xxx

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    1. Hi there yes I know what you mean by the unexpected waves of buried emotion - they come out of nowhere. I find myself thinking about things that happened to me or things that really hurt me years and years ago - even 20 or 30 years ago. Things I had totally forgotten about, but have never ever dealt with them.

      I guess the end result is exactly where we are now, so its time to acknowledge those feelings and things that happened (regrets and looking back surprisingly often had alcohol associated with them) and accept the emotions I guess, rather than supressing, which is what I was brought up to do. i.e "be a nice girl" and "don't cause a fuss" i.e worry about what other people think of you and hope people like you.

      So this sort of upbringing results in the fact that you don't want to do anything that might displease others so you end up trying and trying to be what other people want you to be - in my case you end up a "people pleaser" which is actually impossible to do!! (finally figured that out!!) And then of course if someone wasn't pleased with you, it created stress and then eventually the pressure mounted until something had to give and wala! Alcohol dependency.

      How often I used to walk in the door from work absolutely shattered because some b***ch of girl at work was giving me a hard time and I was refusing to give in to it or be baited (i.e avoiding confrontation and ultimately smiling and supressing). I used to say "what a day!! Give me a wine!!

      I'm probably talking a whole of shit but its just rolling off my keyboard. I must actually read those books Mrs D has recommended so I can at least refer to something intelligent rather than just rambling on!!

      But yes - the emotions do seem to be surfacing and for once in my life I'm not suppressing the memory or hurt Im talking myself through it and trying to be kind to myself and forgive myself by saying "yep that was a dumb decision but you were young" or "you didn't know how else to react but you know better now, its OK" etc etc and with that kindness and forgiveness, letting that memory or emotion or regret go.

      Sorry everyone - that was a bit heavy!!! Don't know what got into me!!

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    2. Never be sorry Squizzi for getting things off ya chest or sharing. Hope you felt better for writing it and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Emotions are a powerful thing, and I know now that I handle them, sharing them and discussing them a lot better sober than I did when under the influence. Esp tricky situations. Like you I was brought up in a similar way so expressing emotions wasn't encouraged, and confrontations were side stepped.
      Keep strong and ramble away anytime.

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  29. Thanks Martin - will try this way and see if it works - don't really like being anonymous.

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  30. Welcome to arid August and day 17 for this girl - big test last night birthday dinner n drinks for a friend - lots of booze around and managed to abstain - felt good to drive home at the end of the evening another little victory against Mr Pinot Gris and his cronies!

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    1. Well done Nancy Pants, fantastic news - huge pat on the back for you - Day 18 is now just round the corner.. ;-) - Bring on Arid August

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    2. High Five Nancy Pants, big event and well handled. Good on you.

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  31. Dry July is officially over. I told my best wine-o friend that I am going to go a few more weeks. She didn't really understand why, so I tried to explain it's just because I feel so good & healthy and I am training at the gym a lot at the moment. Even though she didn't understand, she still said, "Good on you!". Her opinion was my main concern, really (silly, I know). And she was supportive. So I am feeling much better. Now just to tackle the fact Dry July is over and I am technically 'allowed' to drink ....

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    1. I have been amazed to Ella at how many of my friends have been supportive, and it is quite uplifting to have that support. People watching ya back incase you need them.

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  32. Have drinks at a friends house tonight (really its a party) and its a really cool but heavy drinking crowd. I am fine with it though. My first party since I gave up alcohol. I am prepared though. I am going to bring a beautiful glass jug with me and a whole heaps of ice and mint leaves and cut up limes and I am going to make up an alcohol free mojito mix (Hansells have a lovely one from Countdown) and encourage people to try one if they would like. I will drink it in a wine glass and it will be fine. I expect the conversation to be stimulating enough that I don't need other forms of stimulation to make it a fun night. I also won't push my luck and will probably only stay a couple of hours, being the first party etc.

    Have a great Friday everyone and just think how great we will feel tomorrow when everyone else is dragging their sorry arses around (as will have these people at the party!)

    Me I have a very enjoyable day planned tomorrow with a walk with a girlfriend, meeting a landscaper for our gardens and preparing a dinner party for another couple and pleased that I will have the energy and lack of a hangover to not only do it but enjoy it!!

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    1. Your drink sounds better than the alcoholic ones Squizzi. I have found the conversations later in the night can be funny, or boring, so staying a few hours is probably a good thing. Hope it goes well and look forward to hearing how your drink went. have a great Friday

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    2. Squizzi, sounds like you have it covered. Nice jug and glass and delicious sounding drink. I found with my funky wine glass at the 50th no one questioned what I was drinking and I just got on with partying. Have a fantastic night.

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  33. Hi Mrs. D,
    I just wanted to let you know that I'm so proud of you that you are taking this to the next level with your book and website. I'm even happier that so many new people have caught on to your blog (and sober blogging in general) and have a daily inspiration to stay sober from alcohol. I'm still here. 22 months sober from alcohol and no regrets. One of the best things that ever happended to me in my 45 years alive was stumbling into your blog. All you newbies out there, don't give up. It gets better.

    Greetings from New Jersey.

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  34. love the encouragement this community gives out.

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  35. Hi everyone. Im a Pacific Island mum of 5. And in our culture alcoholic mums is seen as a disgrace. I feel that this website has provided great support and has encouraged me to stay sober and move forward.

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