We went to a wedding on the weekend and I did feel very sober but that's ok because that's just me now and I'll take the crunchy with the smooth.
What I mean by that is that in choosing to live sober I have chosen to accept that sometimes I will feel conspicuously sober in a crowd of party goers. It doesn't happen very often, but it does happen. And I will deal with that crunchy feeling and not wail about it internally because most of the time my sobriety feels very smooth.
Anyway this wedding was lovely and relaxed, the bride looked absolutely gorgeous, and everyone seemed to be having a great time. It's not important that I had a patch in the middle of the event where I felt a bit lost and was casting around looking for people to talk to (I knew people there but didn't have any great buddies if you know what I mean...).
It's not important because it wasn't about me in the slightest. This is another great realisation that has come to me since I got sober. Not everything is about me all the time and this knowledge gives me a great sense of calm. Weddings are about the bride and groom and their families and close friends and on this instance I was none of these things. So who cares if I, random guest, floated around for an hour or so after the formalities and meal etc feeling a bit self-conscious and awkward. I wasn't too bothered by it and just wondered if maybe it was time for me to slope on home.
However in the end I pushed through that awkwardness, it got dark.. I found myself sitting around in a big group chatting away merrily as others danced in the marque across the grass. The DJ was playing some cheesy hits and I even did some chair dancing and singing (what a geek).
Someone came round with a bottle of tequila handing out shots. I raised my imaginary glass and did a "Cheers!" with them all, pretended to drink my ghost tequila and then imitated the face puckering that most of them were doing once their foul tasting liquid went down - how I laughed!
I was just feeling good and having fun, being in the vibe even though none of that shit went down my throat at all. I didn't even care one iota.
Sobriety is the best life-choice for me.
That, my friends, is freedom.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Hi Mrs D I'm reading your book right now and would like to say how insightful you are. WONDERFUL BOOK!! I am recommening it to many people including myself that I see in it. Even sparking a book group discussion! How very luck we are to hsve people like you come along!!!!
ReplyDeleteLife choice. that is really a cool thing.
ReplyDeleteI bumped into my neighbour today and she drinks a lot and often. Her and her husband are happy, old and drunks. She hurts no body and sleeps like a log. She even said she would consider herself an alcoholic as she won't stop.
The difference between her and me is that I can't sleep, I do affect others with drinking, I shirk my responsibilities and am selfish.
I do wish I could be like her or my parents. But I can't. Maybe when I am old? This is a question I have been asking myself lately.
Michelle xx
I love how you will take the crunchy and the smooth!
ReplyDeleteI am going to remember that!
I have had mostly smooth times, but I know there will be crunchy times ahead.
There is such freedom in being sober.
xo
Wendy