Wednesday, January 11, 2012

I choose to be sober because ...

.... I was worried about the insides of my body having to do all that processing of wine.  My god I did used to drink lots of wine.  Bottles and bottles of wine that would endlessly be tossed into the recycling bin.  We have so much more room in our recycling bin now.

I choose to be sober because it is a good exercise in patience. Being a mum is about practicing immediate patience, (talking to the child) 'sure you can jump in all the puddles and examine the wet grass on the way to the car' or 'stop yelling and tell me what it is that is making you so grouchy today' type of patience.  Sobriety patience is a slower and more extended type of patience, (talking to yourself instead of the child) 'I just have to ride out this melancholy phase and it will pass in a few days' or 'I'll just push past this gritty feeling and things will eventually start lightening up for me'.

I choose to be sober because when I think now about how many times I was tipsy while looking after my children I feel sick in my stomach.  I'm so grateful now that I won't ever do that again.

I choose to be sober because all I have to do is not put any alcohol into my body and I will feel immeasurably more proud and connected to myself.  A small action denied = huge beautiful consequences.

I choose to be sober because the last time I drank I hid wine from my husband to hide how much I'd been drinking and if I was going to continue down that sick path I would have destroyed the wonderful honest connection we have with one another.

I choose to be sober because my friends and family are amazed that I am doing this, I can tell that I have changed in their eyes and they are really impressed (if not a little shocked still) and I look forward to showing them that I really mean it when I say forever.

I choose to be sober because I always said I 'didn't want to have any hidden shit' and yet I had a whopping piece of hidden shit which was a nasty private drinking habit. But now I really don't have any hidden shit and I love being able to be honest about my inner voice, the sly wine-drinking fox that was lurking in my brain.  I love being able to be fully open, it is such a clean easy place to be in.  I am also discovering that people are drawn to that honesty and it makes them more inclined to be honest too.

I choose to be sober because I can!  Because this is my life, my only life, and I am 40 now and I want to live well and happily until I am sitting on my porch in my rocking chair with Mr D by my side looking back and feeling good.

And that's why I choose to be sober.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. You have taken back control and it is all due to your choice. It is breathtaking how far reaching "no alcohol" goes in your life. For me it was a great catalyst for self improvement and turning my focus from looking back in anger to looking to the future with warmth and and a burning intensity that life is so so short.

    We have to get on with our goals and be the best we can for everyone around us.

  2. Omg this is one of the most amazing posts I have ever read! I relate to every part and it made me think about the gifts my new life brings me each day. Today, my sobriety enabled me to calmly manage work projects, patiently listen to my son ramble on about kindergarden play-time, cook a delish healthy meal for him and my husband, dissolve a potential argument between the two of them, call my brother with advice about his post-military career path, and reach out to a friend who is struggling to get into AA, and read/respond to several blogs. I love this life and wish sobriety on everybody who needs it.

  3. Can relate to a lot in here. Much of my past behavior feels horrifying now, but I too am relieved I am doing the right thing now. Being there for my kids emotionally is really important and the biggest reward to being sober at this point.

    Loved this hopeful post.

  4. Yes! It is a beautiful life when there is no shame and nothing to hide. And I worried like hell about my insides too! Especially at 3AM when I would wake up and give myself a mental beatdown!

    Thanks for this!

  5. How very interesting about the patience thing. Wow.

  6. There is a Christian quote that so many quote, but I am astounded which word came first in a long list. It starts off, Love is patient and kind....