Sunday, January 8, 2012

Not so good...

So I've got a couple of gritty thought processes going around in my brain today and (surprise surprise) I'm feeling mournful that I can't have a drink.  I suppose the truth is I really feel like a drink.  I'm having to do some mental work to remind myself why I don't really (gritted teeth) want a drink...

Think big picture Mrs D.  Do you want a 'quick fix' release from these thoughts and head back to that loser miserable lush lifestyle or stay fabulous sober reliable solid person that you enjoy being so much more? (Talking to myself, first sign of madness).

Thing is someone told me yesterday that they missed drinking with me.  I mean what were they thinking?  I just felt so stink and had to sit with their words and kind of process them and push away the glum feeling that they left me with.

Sorry this is a bit glum.  I just feel like I want some light with my shade.  A glass of wine would be perfect right now.  Aaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Mrs D xxx


  1. Continue to remind yourself to stay the fabulous sober reliable solid person that you enjoy being so much more and it will pass. Best of luck!

  2. Ignore the wine and stick with the sobriety, might wiser choice. Sadly, but not unexpected, many of my major drinking partners are no longer in my life; including my maid of honor. It would have taken too much for her to look at herself rather than support me. And honestly, I'm a pretty cool sober person.

  3. I am so blessed to have you so close on the timeline of our "journey" (I hate that overused analogy but can't think of another one), it's comforting to know someone else is going through the same things. But I did think you had all of the answers. lol

  4. Just wanted to say to hang in there. All of the emotions and desires to drink I think are normal. It took me until my 2yr mark to finally move past the mourning loss of alcohol as well as the desires for it. It really does get easier, I promise.

  5. Hey there,
    Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, they truly help me. I can remember hitting those stages in my sobriety and thankfully I had a 12 Step program and the people within it to talk to.

    If you were here, sitting chatting over coffee I'd remind you that we cannot control people, places and things we can only control our reactions.

    Sounds like you handled it well in person but you're reviewing it in your mind...letting it eat at you.

    I'd advise you to explore what's really bugging it that you feel excluded? Why does that matter to you? That's the beginning of a convo I'd have with you.

    Each day we're challenged, in every aspect of sobriety. It's truly our choice to engage or to let things roll off our backs, secure in the knowledge that we've chosen the right (although often bumpier) path.

    You are doing the right thing, but nobody is going to give us awards everyday.....most days I wish they would lol. It's not bloody easy at times to rise above.

    I'm with ya sister and believe firmly in living just for today. Keeping my mind focused upon that which I can change today...only today.

  6. So many comments full of wisdom...I have nothing new to add but I wanted to cast my vote for staying a fabulous sober reliable solid person that you enjoy being so much more. You can't do it all and keep everyone happy so just stay true to yourself. xo

  7. Whenever in sobriety I too get struck by that thought "A glass of wine would be perfect right now." A (ONE!) glass of wine... and then I only need to follow the trail of that thought to know that there will [never] only be that one glass. I'll just continue to slowly drink myself to hell.

    I think it's absolutely wonderful that you vent your thoughts here and get them out of your head. That is precisely what I wish to do too in my own blog.

    I know that you're fully aware what is the alcoholic's wishful thinking and what it is that mrs D truly wants :))

    When I got sober only a few weeks ago, I left a friend behind, stuck in her alcoholism. We were both drinking on our own, but when drunk we had eachother to phone and talk drunken talk to.

    It's a strange feeling that she's still left with her drinking and it's as if I'm in a whole different country now.

    We don't talk any longer, because we know we don't speak the same "language" any more. Perhaps she's waiting for me to come back, but I'm hoping for her to come over to my side instead... It is so much more fun over here, being sober. There is sooooo much more to life now, it's scarey but it sure is a thrilling ride!

    Take care mrs D dearest!

  8. I in no way mean to rain on an already glum day, but, truth told, I no longer keep time with the friends I had when I was drinking. We no longer have anything in common. The drinking was a common denominator and was also a lot stronger bond then I wanted to admit to in early sobriety. I agree with many of the comments. If you choose to stay sober, your life will become reconfigured over the next year or two. And much of it out of your control.

  9. It's pretty hard NOT to feel glum in that situation. When people you used to surround yourself with are not in the same "place" as you, then it is gonna be a struggle. Just remind yourself that YOU are doing yourself a huge favour, but NOT indulging! Tell your friend you're always available for COFFEE... (not quite the same thing, but hey...she might get the picture and realise it's your COMPANY that she's missing, not the alcoholic drinks!)
    Good luck with that one!

  10. You have done something amazing. You don't have to tell anyone unless they ask. But you can still feel proud of yourself. You do have some answers to some things I'm sure. This past Christmas some horrible stuff happened to my facebook friends. People I have met through a common love of my old hometown.