Wednesday, April 18, 2012

F%*#ing normies..

My stress levels are rising with this having-to-move-in-a-hurry business, and I'm bloody knackered thanks to the increased brain noise that is giving me terrible insomnia, and I'm finding it hard to stay all easy-going and calm about things like PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO HAVE NO F%#*ING IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BECOME AND REMAIN SOBER!!!!!!!!

I love that I can come on here and 'talk' in the virtual sense to others who know what it's like, and I enjoy reading all my recovery books that I get from the library (Moments of Clarity by Christopher Kennedy Lawford is the current one - great) but I'm sick of having no-one in my face-to-face life who really gets it.

Now don't get me wrong, Mr D is awesome and he does get it, he really does.  But even so, he's a normal drinker.  But other friends of mine (this is what's sparking this rant) act like I just blew a feather one day and became sober and that's it.

Mr D thinks it's because I come across all 'sorted' and 'strong' people don't think I have any internal battles but I do.  I DO!!!

Last night I climed into bed really early to watch a cooking competition show and the contestants were taken off to a winery for a cooking challenge and I got hit with this feeling like 'oh my god never again am I going to go to a winery and have a wine'. And I felt stink.  So clearly I'm feeling vulnerable.  No suprise I guess given everything.  But as I say, I'm sick of not having anyone around me who knows.  Woe is me (said with mock sarcasim).

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Oh, I hear ya! It is so f***ing does make you feel very vulnerable. No one talks about it around's a taboo subject, and I have felt the urge lately. I wish there wasn't an elephant in the room....and I wish I could be a "normie" are doing awesome, I admire how far you have are strong and I'm sure your friend admires that about you and maybe she wants to cut back or stop too? Just a thought...hang in there!! xo

  2. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    1. Shit I didn't mean to delete this awesome comment. Andrea whoever you are I like your attitude. Cheers for commenting xxx

  3. Your sobriety might make your friend uncomfortable. Drinking may be so ingrained into her routine that she has been thrown off kilter by your abstinence.

    There was a coworker/friend of mine in California that use to drink with me quite a lot. Our relationship shifted drastically once the alcohol was removed from my life. It was a really awkward period of time. I wish I could tell you how it played out in the end, but I moved to the East coast nine months later and we never kept in touch.

  4. There were two times in my first year of sobriety that we're tough for me. The first was about 3 months when I started thinking that maybe I wasn't really an alcoholic and maybe I could just slow down...yeah like that ever worked.

    The second was at about 9 months when I just got pissed off at the whole situation and sat on my pity pot for a good long while. I was pissed at all the normies

  5. (sorry...iPad screwup) but I was more pissed at myself for getting into this situation in the first place. I made it through but it was hard. I really wish I had gone to AA might have made it a lot easier.

    Maybe your friend is self conscious about her own drinking and that's why she ignores your sobriety. No one knew how much I drank...maybe she's doing the same thing? Who knows?

    Keep your head up...I promise you tat my worst day sober is still better than my best day drunk.

  6. Well...I'm sorry to sound rude, but I think your friend is ignorant! And then laughing it off saying "oh except for you"...

    I would have seized the opportunity and said... "Hey... you really have no idea what I go through by giving up alcohol do you?... Well??? do you??" "Do you think it's easy for me?? because it is anything but easy!"
    You're obviously much nicer than I am... lol

    HOpefully you'll make a new friend or 2 in your new town who have "been there"... that would be awesome!

  7. "Hopefully you'll make a new friend or 2 in your new town who have "been there"..."

    We can be found in meetings, and are saving you a chair.

    Hang in there, it's worth it, and so are you.

  8. Oh that terrible feeling of being alone in your sobriety/recovery... I have chosen not to associate with those who have no understanding and who don't even ask or seem to care more about their own drinking. I think the best friends are the ones that we share similar important values with. Your friend who does not understand such a GREAT part or change in your life... well... then she is not the very good friend that she ought to be.

    This is so hard, I understand that - as you very much like your friend otherwise.

    As I've been very antisocial, I then found likeminded friends at the AA meetings. Some I became real friends with. But today I have friends outside AA and so I attend AA meetings frequently JUST to be able to speak about my alcoholic issues and it is there I find understanding. I don't really expect non-alkies to understand alcoholism.

    I am so glad that you keep this blog so that you have at least one way of venting your thoughts and such regarding your sobriety.

    All the best to you *hugs*

  9. TheNoiseAndHaste here. OMG, I so feel your pain!! My best friends in the world don't get that I'm an alcoholic. Why would they? They drink completely normally, and as far as they were concerned, so did I. (If I overindulged once in a while, they found it funny, not concerning. And as for the drinking beer every night alone in my house, they really had no idea about that.)

    I try not to blame them, or to feel slighted or overlooked by their failure to "get" it. But...I do. ((((hugs))) to you in this horribly stressful time.

  10. Just don't drink and you will get through it. I know you don't want to hear this but if you go to an AA meeting you will find people who will totally understand and will listen to you for as long as you need them to.

    You don't need to wait till you move.

    There is also probably an AA telephone line you can use. You can talk on the phone and they can probably arrange for you to meet another woman AA in a coffee place somewhere.

    As for your friend, that seems to come under the category of 'things you cannot change' so let it go. By that I mean don't waste energy resenting her for not getting it. That is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

    Take care, we understand and we are rooting for you.

    There are online AA meetings as well. If you've made a friend through the blogging you could Skype?

  11. Oh my god, I get so much of this post. I've had friends talk about how great a beer would taste and all about their weekends knowing full well that I don't drink anymore. I never say anything but I think they're insensitive clods. Not everyone does that, so I'm not sure why some do. Do they not realize how important this is to me? Probably not. Do they know that I struggle? Doubtful because I too appear calm and in control. Do they feel threatened that I might judge them? Maybe b/c one woman in particular has told me she worries she drinks too much.

    In all of this, though, you are the one who's hurting from this. Can you check out a local meeting before you move? They're all pretty similar from what I've seen and it might be a way to test the waters. I go back and forth on meetings, but I always feel safe and understood there. I've picked up so much helpful tidbits to store away until later. Definitely try them out in your new town. I started out at the big meetings where I could just sit and listen and I never felt pressured to speak or even come back. Though I did.

    Hang in there. You are so not alone and I feel your pain.

  12. Mrs. D you might really enjoy this interview with Sasha Scoblic, author of 'Unwasted'. (the book, if you haven't already read it, is fantastic.)

    1. Great article thanks! You know I've been waiting and waiting for my library to get her book in, I'm sick of waiting so have just gone and bought myself a copy online. Cheers ...

  13. Hi Mrs. D, this is my first time 'talking' to you but I've been following your blog pretty much from the beginning - I got sober in March 2011 and have a lot in common with you (3 kids, loving hubs (who can still drink), etc) and you've been an inspiration in many ways. You will get thru this move, but honey, it's tough - moving with children is just the tenth ring of Dante's inferno, if you ask me - I did it three years ago. Not that moving without them or generally is that much fun LOL. My heart is with you <3. And, I know you're on the fence about meetings, so I'm just sayin - I didn't wanna go either, but for me at least, it turned out that I could not stay sober without them so when I finally did go, it was a relief, and a good start. I still sometimes remain 'on the fence' about them, but there just is nothing quite like having another alcoholic (or several of them) who understand EXACTLY what you are going through in ways that normies never will. I hope you do check out a meeting or two - you might be pleasantly surprised. Who knows, you might even come across another woman who's been thru a recent move and will lend a hand, emotionally/sounding board/coffee/ or wrap a couple of dishes with you or unpack a box. And nobody will EVER 'forget' or downplay that you are sober and how important it is to maintain that! Plus, and it's hard to appreciate this until you get there, but as our 'book' says - WE ARE NOT A GLUM LOT, I promise you will find laughter, fellowship and just, well, support. Whatever doesn't appeal to you, you can leave or ignore.

    Sending a prayer and good thoughts your way. Take care and keep your chin up and stay out of that martini glass :)!


    s in Fla.

  14. Thanks so much for commenting. Really. Thanks. I'm too nervous to go to an AA meeting. There, I said it.

  15. fair enough. I've been to a few, - I haven't settled into that routine at all. But I have always felt good about going when I did. I wish I would just go go go to meetings, and maybe I will get into that routine. I want to, actually. But I'm nervous too.

  16. Mrs. D, just came across your blog. Very raw and real. Good job.

    I started my own, too.

    Am I reading correctly, that you have done this without attending AA meetings?

    Although I have not embraced all the dogmatic stuff of AA, and probably, won't the fellowship and friendships of AA have made a huge difference in my recovery. In your case, it would probably counterbalance your insensitive friend. Read my post on my AA experience and see what you think.

    I'll add your blog to my blogroll, and as Jerry Garcia said, Keep on Truckin!

  17. oh mrs. d, I just love you! i wish i knew you in "real life" so we could go out and find something fun to do and shake off these blues. i have 90 days sober and I am in AA, but I also get SO MUCH WISDOM, HOPE, and SUPPORT from your blog. sometimes I just want to kick "normies" in the shins! I have been in a HUGE funk of self-pity for days now and though my kind sponsor is trying to be helpful, her suggestions of more meetings and some service work are not making me feel any better. lurking-lurking-lurking is that demon thought that a "little glass of wine" is actually the ticket to get me right back on track. it's spring, everyone is bbq-ing with a glass in hand, it's my wedding anniversary, i'm itchy and twitchy. . . .so many reasons to go and open that bottle. bless you a thousand times for being here to say that you feel the same and that it SUCKS. this place you have created IS a meeting, and i so appreciate you.

  18. We might be moving too! I'm not ready to talk about it but will be reading your every post on the topic. Thanks so much for your honest perspective - I always learn something from you.