Saturday, August 18, 2012

An early start...

So the two little boys woke us at 5.15am.  Boy were we annoyed.  5.15am is THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!!!!!!  So there were lots of stern words as we tried unsuccessfully to get them to stay quiet until the sun came up or at least one bird started to chirp.

I lay with my head buried into the pillow feeling grumpy... grumbling .. grumpy .. but then .. made myself pause for a minute .. head buried in the pillow.. and think .. think of the wider picture Mrs D .. the bigger picture .. the whole entire picture.

It was 5.30am... my sons were giggling, my lovely husband was grumbling into his pillow next to me all warm and snugly in our bed .. the sun was about to rise on a clear Saturday morning and despite being a little tired I was also clear.  Clear headed and sober.

I'm bloody 40 years old and I've kicked a dysfunctional drinking habit to the curb and I am sober.

My life has it's ups and downs, way more than it used to.  Sometimes it's tricky. Sometimes it's gritty and I get grumpy or sad.  Sometimes shit happens to people around me and relationships get strained.  Life is tricky, people are complicated, people get sick, shit happens.  Shit happens all the time.  But dammit, all I have to do is not drink alcohol and I'm doing ok.  I am doing ok.

So I got up (I'm not going to embellish here and say all day was peaches and roses) but I got out of bed a damn sight happier that I could have done.  There was no hangover or guilt or concern about my alarming wine consumption, just a tired mother-of-three getting into the day earlier than she would have liked.

I'm feeling better.  I'm glad to hear people telling me that soberversaries can be hard.  I'm kind of annoyed once again to realise that I'll probably always be glum that I can't have a glass of wine or three to unwind.  But I can't.  I didn't.  I don't.  I used to.  Boy did I used to guzzle wine like it was water.  Hard and fast, lots of it.  In the glass it went.  Down my throat.  Bottles in the recycling.  Go get more.  In the glass.  Down the throat.  Wine, wine, wine, wine, wine. Not for me no more.

Now, off to make pizza with Parmesan cheese, thinly sliced potato, anchovies and rocket at the end to finish. Yummy!  A pink sparkling grapefruit juice to drink with it while I sit on the sofa, read my supervisor's notes on my draft chapter and watch the All Blacks play Australia.  Who needs wine.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. who needs wine, indeed :) glad to hear you're feeling better. the glumness about not drinking might pass with more time (i know! how much time?!) i'm on in baby stages, but i do have pink cloud moments of being thrilled that i don't have to drink. especially as i watch others completely overindulge in the middle of the day ... thanks for being an honest inspiration. pizza sounds great. love salty anchovies!

  2. Yay... it's good when you can pause and reflect and see that really.... things aren't so bad aye?? I have been doing that a lot lately.... sometimes pulling myself up and thinking...hey I could be in this situation or that... but I am not, and I'm doing well!!
    Mmmmm the Pizza sounds great... :)

  3. Not us...that's for damn sure. And I don't think you'll always be so glum. For me it passed. I'm nostalgic and sometimes pissed off about it but it passes and I'm just...relieved and very very happy.

  4. Thanks again for just being so you, so honest and not falling into "its all wonderful" cliche. The best I can offer about your current state of mind however is a cliche but true - "this too shall pass".

  5. I love this post so much I want to print it and hang it on my wall! I catch myself all the time having a grumpy moment, and then realize okay - I'm cranky about playdough on the kitchen floor? Really? Then I make the choice I couldn't have ever made if I was still drinking ~ I get on the floor with my adorable (and clearly super creative!) son and make blue dinosaurs. Sober living is just so much better. :-)

  6. Wow what a post! There is a big difference with waking early and being tired and waking and being hungover/ guilty/ etc. I am trying again. I always love reading your posts because you are where I want to be and it gives me joy to see how good life can be. And still real - it's not perfect, but I'm sure it's better!

  7. I love your optimism! It definitely make my day brighter knowing there are so many of us trying to live a better life. I hadn't read this post until after I just wrote a post about downing a bottle of wine to wash away my misery. Sad thing is...when you become sober, the misery is still there. The wine just numbs it all temporarily, but later bites you in the ass for making you that much more miserable. It's been 9 years of sobriety for me now(with only 2 nights relapsing) but I still count the 9 because I woke up and didn't quite my sobriety. These 9 years have been some of my hardest years, yet when your sober, you can always find the good in something. Best of luck to you!!