Sunday, April 7, 2013

Like clockwork....

For boozy housewives like me 5pm is a magical, mystical, crucial time of the day. I'm in the kitchen at this point finishing up dinner and flick on the radio to hear the start of Checkpoint the nightly current affairs show. The theme music would play (da, da da da da da, daa, daa, daaaaaa) and I'd reach for the wine glass. The announcer would come on ("Good Evening, welcome to Checkpoint") and I'd open the bottle. The programme would begin ("On tonight's show...") glug glug glug.

It's the moment at which I'd escape the monotony. The kids incessant demands became more bearable. I'd feel a little bit glamorous, a little bit naughty. I'd feel like I was part of a grown-up gang - no different to those well groomed office workers heading to their local wine bar. It was lovely. I loved it. Loved my nightly wines.

Drink one at the bench while getting dinner ready. One at the dinner table when eating. This is the point at which you should stop and put the glass away in the dishwasher with the rest of the dishes!!!! Damn. Lost that memo a few years ago. Wine glass stays on the bench. Another drink when cleaning up. Sometimes I'd take it into the bedroom when reading the kids stories. Sitting on the sofa later having yet another (few) while watching tele - this is the point at which you start to question the habit. Is this normal?

At 5pm now I don't even pour myself a sugary fizzy drink in a wine glass like I was for a good year or so after I cut out the wines. But something still shifts in me, the point of change is there. But there's no brain bending, mind numbing, back warming escape any more. So I'll have a water with dinner. Put the jug on while the kids are brushing their teeth and by the time they're in bed I've got a mug of green tea on the sofa.

But at 5pm I think about all the housewives in all the homes around our beautiful country and wonder about the ones who are going start on the wines and find it hard to stop, the ones who are going to end up on the sofa later on still going strong. Boozy housewives of the world unite! Ladies - we don't need that shit.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. 4:30 was the time I'd take my second round of drugs. I'd load up first in the morning (a couple Fiorinal; a Vicodin; two Tylenol #3 plus a cup of tea) and work work work till it was time to pick up my kid from half-day preschool, then read to him, put him down for a nap, work some more, or else try to nap (in the name of "taking care of myself"), then—reluctantly—wake him up at 3, run errands, buy dinner, and by the time we got home... 4:30. I'd be exhausted and my head would be twinge-y and I'd feel justified in taking another tablet or half-tablet on an empty stomach (my stomach had to be empty so that I could Feel It Working For Me) so I could function, I could settle my kid into some playtime while I fixed dinner, set the table, eat, wash up, do the night-time rituals—run the bath; bathe the boy; get him into his jammies; help him brush his teeth; read to him—all those things a mom should enjoy. All those things other mothers enjoy. Other wives enjoy—after putting the kid to bed, somehow find the energy and put on the charm to take off my clothes and get it on. I had to Be All Things To Everyone except G. Super-Martyr. ... No longer.

  2. 5 o'clock turned into much earlier in the day for me...the obsessing, planning..then 1 drink turning into MANY - UGH. Crazy how it seemed the "fun" lasted about 2 minutes then it was followed by the days (WEEKS!) of bad emotions, guilt, shame..etc..shit we definitely don't need like you wrote! thanks for your words...always love reading :) xx

  3. How much i would love to be able to drink like a normal and stop after one or two. Or, even better, 1 1/2! i fantasize about getting midway through a second glass and realizing i don't want anymore and just leaving it.

    Unfortunately, when i was drinking, i loved normals who could do that because it meant i got to finish their drinks! Yes, at a business lunch i would ask "Are you going to sinish that?" and then take a client's glass!

  4. Totally. Everything would become more bearable, a smile on my face and a little bit glamorous. For sure.
    I almost have a tear in my eye just thinking about how much I miss that escape.
    We certainly don't need that shit...but it's also certainly quite a process to learn how to be without it. Here's to all of us struggling to figure it out every day!

  5. I hear you Mrs. D. I remember many years ago the thought of finishing work, as we would all go to the pub for several pints before last call (we worked until 11 or 12pm - so it was a mad dash!) We would end up at someone's place no doubt and keep going at it. Couldn't stop, but never got sloshy drunk. Just couldn't say "enough, thank you" and go home. It had to just go. I think we all have that magic hour at some point in our drinking. I lost the magic hour a long time ago, and it just became one unmagical sloppy day, rather than an hour. Blech. Don't miss those days, Mrs. D. Don't want anything to do with them.

    Love the post :)

  6. Yes although it was not a daily ritual for me - the ROMANCE of the thought of a 5pm glass of wine, relaxing ,maybe on the deck watching the sunset................Fucking alcohol marketeers - how powerful they have made that image! But we know its bullshit - just leads to an 11pm mess and a 5am hangover.

  7. Glad to hear I'm not the only one who enjoys my non-alcoholic drinks in a wine glass. Glad to have discovered the sparkling waters that are calorie free...although I hear that sucralose and/or aspartame are the new enemy. Can't be any worse than the poisons of alcohol for sure! Love, love, LOVE your writings and hate that I haven't stopped by in awhile! :)