Saturday, November 9, 2013

Back to the scene of the crime

Been doing a lot of crying in the past week. Sad things happening and upsetting things too. This is how I live now.. when I get sad or upset tears fall out of my eyes. They just come out, sometimes when I'm talking to people I'd rather not cry in front of, but they come out and I wipe them away as I talk and .. it's fine.

I do think that the people witnessing the tears are cool with it.. often they appreciate being shown the real emotion..

Me, I'm sometimes embarrassed but at the same time, when I look back on the moment I always feel 'clean' somehow like I was just expressing and honoring how I was feeling.

This is all a bit deep so I'll move on to talk about last night...

Last night!!! Big posh dinner!! So very posh.. pomp and ceremony and black tie and evening wear for ladies.. so many waiters and beautiful chandeliers and candles and flowers and very soft squishy carpet and big sweeping staircases, drinks in a reception room then through to a ballroom for dinner, three courses of delicious food, speeches, toasts.. I'm telling you this was the whole nine yards ..

We went to one of these dinners many years ago and it is not my fondest memory. Got absolutely hammered (along with a bunch of other people).. badly behaved.. there was broken glass at the end (not by me but I was in the group of hammered people being ushered out at the time)...

Yeah .. what can I say .. not my proudest moment...

Last night I got the opportunity to return to the scene of the crime. Same event, same pomp and ceremony, different me.

Borrowed a gorgeous Karen Walker dress, had my hair done during the day (salon hair!), wore funky boots that are cool yet stylish and (most importantly) comfortable.. put my coral lipstick on and drove to the venue feeling happy and excited.

Had a great time chatting and mingling and eating and laughing and just quietly feeling so proud of the new me and to be perfectly frank not feeling like I was missing out on anything by not drinking the alcohol.

The friendly waiter kept filling my wine glass with appletise, someone at the table asked if I didn't drink and I told them no and why ("I couldn't control it so I cut it out altogether") and that was fine, it's just a fact, I don't care what anyone thinks..

Sober is the new black don't you know!

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. Talking about intense or painful emotions doesn't sound naff at all. Weeping sober can be very cathartic.

    Just saying.

  2. What a wonderful moment, Mrs. D- for you to see so clearly the contrast between you drinking and you sober. Even living this vicariously through your blog impacts me- how we compromise our true selves with alcohol, and how different the experience when we allow our trues selves (tears and all) to be present in the world. Thanks for sharing this experience!

  3. Never be ashamed of your emotions. If you feel, you feel, you have no reason to deny or hide it. Why do we seem to set this cultural thing that showing emotion is a bad thing?

    I just posted something on my blog that made me cry when I saw it - I don't mind admitting it, in fact I'm glad I do these days. I used to cry a lot when I was drinking, normally alone in the night or the toilet as I tried pull myself together but now my tears have greater meaning I believe.

  4. Sounds like you cry the right way for the right reasons...which is also how you party now! Keep up the good works, my friend!

  5. A therapist once told me that crying was God's Prozac. It resets your hormones and emotions. He also told me that if I had felt free to cry as a child I likely wouldn't be clinically depressed now. Who cares! Cry as much as your body wants you too.

    Your event sounds so wonderful! I have many memories like yours from posh events gone would be fun to do it again sober!

    You rock.

  6. Wonderful, honest post.

  7. Hi Mrs D. I love reading your blog posts, I'm newly sober (59 days) and local (also in NZ). The biggest shock to me about being sober is all the emotions! I think alcohol is quite anaesthetising for me and without it sad stuff is making me feel really sad, happy stuff is making me really happy, and really bloody irritating family dynamics and bad behaviour from others is totally getting on my wick! Carolyne

  8. "Sober is the new black don't you know!"

    I love that line! I am a crier....its ok. It feels good to cry when I need to! I loved this post....going back to the scene, redeeming it for yourself with different more healthy behaviors.....THAT is a beautiful thing!

  9. I recommend you go to see 'Gravity' at the movies - Sandra Bullock does great tears in zero gravity. Weeping will never seem the same again.

  10. I don't think you should be ashamed of the crying at all. Nobody's judging you or putting you down for showing your feelings- and nobody is going to either. And it's great that you got to relive one of your bad memories in a good way. Great going!

  11. What a great post! I love the contrast of the before and after. You make it so startlingly and visually clear. I can picture both scenarios so clearly. You continue to inspire me.

    I love Sobermomwrites "Crying is God's Prozac". What a lovely way to think about tears.

  12. I like your description of feeling 'clean' after crying. It is cleansing to get it out, isn't it? Also- being sober DOES look great on everyone. It is a much more flattering look than drunk!! I bet you were fab. xx- Jen

  13. I'm only 7 days (precariously) sober. Oddly, I haven't cried yet. When I was drinking I cried all the time. I look forward to what you've just described - a "healthy" cry based on reality :)

  14. One of the advantages of coming to these posts a bit late is that I also get to read the wonderful comments. How amazing. I love that you're not ashamed of showing emotion, Mrs. D. We used to cover and hide and pretend things were fine...but now, we are more transparent and clean and clear and process it all different.

    I am sure you were the belle of the ball... :)


  15. I was sober for 180 days. Now back on the booze; not happy with myself, but felt like I was missing out on life. What to do?

    1. Give it another go if you're not happy with going back. Many don't get it on their first try. It takes time to get used to sober life but the rewards are plenty when we stick with it :)

  16. My article went up today Mrs D :)

  17. I'm sorry you're going through a rough spot at the moment. I love that you express yourself and your description of feeling "clean". This just all sounds very healthy and human.

    The posh party sounds like good fun, so refreshing too to hear your matter-of-fact explanation about why you don't drink. There is no need to lie or tiptoe around the issue. Short and simple and hard to argue with that reason. You're an inspiration.

  18. That's what's so fascinating about sobriety...we all get a chance to return to the scene of the crime; often on a daily basis.
    But not to diminish the beauty of your eyes got watery as I read your description of the ball and dance that you attended.
    Sending love.