Thursday, November 20, 2014

Repeating myself...

Because I have come out from behind the lovely protective cloak of anonymity and most people around me know that I blog I'm far less inclined now to give details of what is going on in my life.

I'm not complaining, I chose to release a memoir about my drinking problem and then cry on prime time TV talking about it .. so I've no-one to blame but myself!

I continue to share regularly here on this blog and at Living Sober because I want to help others get free from the evil clutches of booze.. but I also want to maintain some privacy about my life.

So I can't (won't) share the details of a few big things that are going on for me… some things that have been occurring for me … some mistakes that I've made and some big shit that is going down.

But let me just say this.

Shit goes down.

It's hard sometimes. It hurts. It's uncomfortable. It's not nice. I'd rather not make mistakes, or have to feel emotional pain.

Or would I? Would I really rather sail through life with no trials and tribulations? Can anyone do that?

How can I love wholeheartedly and be open not feel pain sometimes? People get sick and die. People can be hurtful. That happens.

How can I be brave and open and avoid making mistakes sometimes? Without mistakes I wouldn't learn.

I want to stay open. I don't want to close up. I don't want to go into 'fright and flight' mode (to quote Tara Brach) and live in that scared miserable place. I want to be open and alive to all that comes. Even the hard stuff.

And that is why I choose to be sober, and to cry and to feel all the time and to never escape.

I didn't know that was what I was choosing when I decided to remove alcohol from my life 1170 days ago. But boy am I happy that this was the end result of my big decision.

I love being sober. Have I mentioned that before?

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. I Love being sober too Mrs D:) 143 days for me. I love I can click into the two empowered and carry on. Some days I'm happy, some days I'm not so happy..... that's life. Thanks. S.D.

  2. Initially I felt sad reading your post Mrs D. It sounded like something really bad was going on. Then I felt angry that someone or something was hurting but after reading it a few times I think it sounds like you've got it under control. It just seems like something that you can't share online.

  3. Hey just wanted to say thanks for posting this and have a hug.

    I also wanted to say thanks for sharing the link because now I know what you sound like.

    And, you're so bonnie!

    Thanks for putting a face/voice to the name for me over here in UK


  4. Yep, this resonates with me so strong today and while I have cut down on booze I have not yet been able to cut it out. This time of year is hard for me, not because it's party time, but because family stuff brings pain. So today I have to follow your lead and face up and look for solace on otherror places on a day I feel at breaking point. All things pass I tell myself

    1. Hi Lynne
      You're right, there's a whole lot of stuff to deal with, and none of it is any easier when we hide behind the booze. You're in the right place to get support from a whole lot of other people going through some of the same issues. Wishing you strength and courage to deal with the family stuff. Yes, all things pass. Take time to think it through and deal with it (sober). I find half an hour of thinking time on the beach helps.

  5. You were so brave in opening up to your alcohol problem to the world, and people being human are naturally curious about what goes in your personel life. Good on you for not opening up about it and keeping it private. Remember we are human and not perfect. I admire you so much, you truely rock Mrs D - you have keep me sober.

  6. Know the territory, there are limits. I like the way you put it - I struggle, wanting to be honest about the stuff going down, but needing to be careful, not wanting to sound unnecessarily enigmatic when people are so kind, interested & helpful. I hope it resolves & the things that wont resolve are manageable. XXX

  7. Your blog was the first one I found, read and related to just about a month ago. I applaud you and what you have done and continue to do. Today is day 33 for me and I look forward to my day 1170!!

  8. Thanks Mrs D - I needed to read this today xx

  9. Another half formed idea: we side swipe any negative thoughts concerned with drinking. Just like on a touch screen computer or phone where you can swipe left or right and go to a different screen so too with your mind when you get negative thoughts concerned with drinking, such as craving a drink, thinking about buying a drink, going to a bar - whatever - you swipe the thought away. It may seem futile when you're getting bombarded with bad mental chatter and sometimes the screen you don't want might keep coming back and it takes a hundred swipes to get rid of it like an annoying advert that keeps popping up uninvited. But then again sometimes one good swipe might be all it takes to get rid of it.

  10. What you have done for thousands of people is amazing and inspirational but you need boundaries to keep you safe know this already!! The flip side of inspiring so many people is the pressure and responsibility (perceived or otherwise) that comes with creating a following of vulnerable people. We all love it when you reach out but please make sure you are taking care of number ONE in the process. Being a role model can be hard work, especially on top of being a wife, a partner, a business person, a public personality, an exercise guru haha .... make sure you leave something in the tank for you. @clapalongHAPPY X

  11. Dear Mrs. D,
    I just had a cochlear implant, and I was scared to death.
    I am learning how to "hear" with it. I keep thinking I made a mistake.
    But I can't go back.
    I DO know, if I wasn't sober through this operation and process. I would not have been able to cope.
    Now I can cope.
    Thank you for your post today.

  12. We are all exactly where we are supposed to be! I firmly believe that. You are a true inspiration Lotta. Bless you always. Yes - shit does happen in our lives. It has helped shape the person we are right now. We are all standing right around you for any loving support you may need.

  13. I just watched you on the link above for the Sunday program. You are very brave and honest. I'm so glad I have found all this online support. I wish I had 3 years behind me, but I'm here on day 36. I am only beginning to realise that there are so many people like me, who drink like Me, I always felt so alone. Thanks for sharing this.