Sunday, February 14, 2016

Like a misty fog...

Sometimes I get melancholy. It just arrives slowly like a misty fog and sits for a bit and no amount of 'thinking' my way out of it can shift it. I just try to be with it (I don't have any choice actually!), keep myself grounded in the moment and not over-ruminate about why I'm in this state ... I know that soon it will shift.

Someone asked a question after my last post: "What do you mean by 'grounding yourself in the moment' throughout the day?" I mean literally taking myself out of my head (thinking) and down into my body/the earth. So I look at my hands and think about what they're doing (washing dishes, holding the steering wheel). I look at what is in front of me and make myself focus on that (the droplets running down the shower wall, the trees outside the window, the clouds in the sky, the dog on the path). I focus on what is happening for my physical body on the earth right now. Grounding myself. Not thinking about anything except what is happening right now in this very moment.

Anyway...I'm lucky that my melancholy phases don't tend to last for long.. maybe a day or two.. and they are usually to be expected. They come after I've had a very busy time or a gritty time or some such phase that has taken it out of me, i.e. they're the low after the storm.

So that's me today. I'm just in a low key mood. It's ok. I'm ok.

I wrote in the Members Feed at Living Sober the other day that sometimes I think I’ve forgotten what a big deal it is getting used to living raw all the time. I’m so used to it now it’s my norm.. but when I first stopped drinking it was a bloody shock and not nice at all. Not nice at all. Just a big wide open raw brain 24/7.

That's the thing about being sober, it's not about feeling left out or hankering for booze or worrying what others think of you or regretting the past (although all of those things crop up from time to time).. it's just the relentless nature of being raw 100% of the time.

Raw. Sober. Wide-open brain. No escape. Sober. Sober. Sober.

I love it. Even when I'm a bit melancholy like now.. because what is the alternative? Having some alcohol which will have some sort of impact on my brain which will take me away from my natural ebbs and flows? No thanks. I don't do that any more. That shit has no place in my life.

Just writing this out has made me feel better. Externalising my internal processes always frees me up. That's why I blog. Thanks blog!

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. I find writing about or telling someone about my low feeling halos a lot too.
    I am prone to severe depression, where those low moods last and suck further down.
    But mindfulness and being raw work the same way. Constantly reminding myself what is really happening.
    Raw. Yes. To the joy and the pain.

  2. Such a good tip to get out of your head and into the physical. Sometimes my thoughts go to that doom and gloom place where I become filled ith anxiety. This practice will help! Thank you.

  3. Great post and congrats on your choice to stay sober! What helped me a lot was cycling. Lots of mountain cycling, whenever I felt down. Like you said, being "in the moment", because you cannot NOT be in the moment while mountain cycling.
    At the same time, accept melancholy as one of your natural states. It's perfectly good to feel it. Don't try to force yourself to be in a particular mood, don't listen to those who tell you "c'mon, just be happy". Just let your melancholy be if it comes.

    All the best,

  4. I too get in the fog. Like today. It's dark and cold.
    We went for a walk which did help.

  5. Last night and today were bad--full of anxiety and despair. Asked hubs to being home wine. He refused. Still struggling but will try your grounding exercise. Thank you for your blpg!!!

  6. Me too Lotta - to all of it - me too :) xx

  7. "Thanks, blog."

    Thank you, too, for reminding me that the real "problem" is my unfamiliarity with being 100% raw and sober. Rumi said there is a sobriety that includes all forms of drunkenness, but no drunkenness that includes any sobriety. Which I take to mean that my sobriety can include loud laughter, dancing, giggling, and letting myself go like a child to really enjoy the moment. Any kind of activity that "takes the edge off" short circuits the possibility of feeling that natural high. Thanks for blogging, Mrs D.

  8. This is perfect -- and so good to be reminded that we can have lower days and the beauty of sobriety is that we actually LIVE it. Sober raw and beautiful.

  9. Lotta, this is me. Completely and absolutely me.
    I hate my low times. The feeling is just not a good one and I can't shift it. But yes, as you said, it just passes.
    However, one thing sobriety has taught me,
    Is that escaping life through drinking doesn't work. Well it does temporarily, but then the crap cycle begins and doesn't stop.
    So here to living in the now, riding both the happy and melancholy waves!
    I'm so grateful to read about how common this is.
    Thank you so much Lotta. Your honestly and descriptions are bang on!!! ��

  10. I think that learning to FEEL and just sit with those feelings was the hardest part for me for sure. I was so used to being "comfortably numb". It took a long time for me to see that in that numbness was loss. I was missing out of life. Sure feeling down sometimes sucks...but it's a hell of a lot better than not feeling anything at all.

  11. Hi Im new to this blog. So glad I came across it last night. Im bang on 10 weeks sober. Looking back, yes its taken willpower, level headed thinking and determination but all in all ok. I had to change my life once and for all. The dreaded wine! I was drinking between 1 and 2 bottles every single night! Half my life was a blur but I have so much good in it and I couldnt remember so many good times I was sharing with my loved ones because of that glass that tips you over the edge followed by how many more after. I tried to give up a year ago then became complacent and thought I could slowly introduce wine back into my life and control it. Big mistake! Back where I started within a couple of weeks. Anyway the reason I was searching the net and came across Mrs D last night is because this last week thoughts of alcohol have slipped back into my mind and last night I really struggled and wanted to buy some wine on the way home. I was restless for a few hours. The thought not to have one nice relaxing glass because one nice relaxing glass was never possible for me, I wanted to get totally wasted. Reading Mrs D made me realise that these thoughts which just come out of nowhere when youve been doing so well ARE NORMAL. Thank you Mrs D. So, here I am, a lovely Saturday morning, drinking my cup of tea with a lovely clear head planning my day. Thank you so much Mrs D, I have learnt to turn another corner in my lovely 24 hour day ☺