Met my deadline and delivered the draft of my horror chapter to my supervisor on Friday at 4pm. Was expecting some kind of lovely release but she emailed me back after half and hour with a 'congratulations on meeting another deadline' followed by 'start on the next chapter while you're waiting for my feedback'. Sigh. So no let-up in the MA pressure and I'm giving myself 2 weeks to get another chapter drafted.
Have I said before there's nofuckingway I could be doing this study if I was boozing? Yeah, thought so.
It's kind of a bummer that the longer you are sober the less you appreciate it. I have to keep reminding myself - Look! No Hangover! Look! No guilts! Look! No sick guts!! Look! No abundance of wine bottles in the recycling bin!
Met an old friend for coffee yesterday morning. Haven't seen her for 5 years. It was super lovely catching up and I have to admit really fun telling her my sober news. She was a bit taken aback at first - surprised and lots of 'so how much were you actually drinking?' It takes a while for me to explain to friends in those kind of instances why I had to stop and for them to finally nod and get it. Telling the story of my last night of drinking usually does it.
A Monday night. We had decided to have an alcohol free night. Me racing out to get wine while Mr D was out at Keas with the boys. Driving over the pram in my haste to back out of the car port. Grabbing two bottles of wine. Drinking most of one on my own really really fast. Getting down on my hands and knees and putting it at the back of the cupboard so Mr D didn't know how much I'd had. Him getting home and laughing at how I hadn't managed to have a booze free night. Us drinking the second bottle together. Me sleeping like crap. Me crying and crying and crying the next day. Me hiding alcohol. Me out of control. Me being deceptive. Me being dysfunctional. Me on my hands and knees leaning into the back of the cupboard.
'Where was I going with that behavior?' I ask my friends at that point. Pause. 'Where was I going?' Pause.
That's when the nod comes and the understanding. Yeah .. you had to stop.
I'm working hard on trying to appreciate the little things every day. Keep it small and lovely. Keeping on going. Sober life... year two ... I'm coming at ya....
Love, Mrs D xxx