Friday, October 4, 2013

An authentic life...

I don't want stupid alcohol anywhere in my body, my mind or my life.

It has no place in my world.

Shit will come and bad things will happen and happy things too and all manner of stuff and I choose to deal with it all without drinking something that affects how I think and feel.

I want to think and feel in a way that I can always trust is authentic.

Alcohol just gets in the way of that authenticity.

And that's why I choose not to drink today or ever again in my life.

The amazing thing is that this wasn't my objective when I first gave up. I didn't know how negatively alcohol was impacting on my thoughts and feelings as I moved around in the world.

I just thought I had to take it away because I couldn't control how much I consumed. Only after it was gone did I discover what an impact it had been having on my emotional landscape FOR YEARS.

Sometimes I feel like it's a blessing that I was pounding it so hard I had to stop.. because only by stopping did I discover what a huge obstacle it was to my living an authentic life.

And now that obstacle is gone - hooray!

And now if you'll excuse me I have to go run the bath, the boys are covered in mud and it's time to settle in, get jammies on and get cosy.

Love, Mrs D xxx


11 comments:

  1. Agree Mrs D , the further I get away from alcoHELL the more absurd it all seems. I pity any one that drinks any amount . Normal drinkers do not exist , all trapped all deluded all at different levels.

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  2. Great reflection... when I tripped off to Rehab I was looking to "drink normally again"... hmm... Now I'd never drunk normally, but I only realised that after a good period sober and a lot of reflection where the point at which I turned alcoholic kept going back as I recalled something I could only explain as alcoholic behaviour. Once I got back to my drinking in my mid-teens and realised I'd been the one always wanting to go to the pub, to stay longer, drink more etc. I gave up the futility of "drinking normally" - hell I don't even drink coffee normally, never offer me a large as I'll order it and a small is just that... small - and I'll finish mine way before anyone else then start to converse. Coffee I can deal with as long as I do watch it, alcohol though just hit a point that meant - I need more, & more, & more...

    At 41 I was faced with being sober and an emotional retard. I'd not grown emotionally since about 15 I think. I'm over 9 years sober now... so emotionally am I 24? Not a hope I'm still a teenager in a middle aged body - I'm getting better but all the damage it did is taking a long time to put right

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  3. YES. An authentic life is the reward worth fighting for. Thank you, Mrs. D,

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  4. Love your way of saying things, writing is your forte, Mrs. D. Looking into my mind and the impact drinking/drugging has had for over 30 years is tough - like looking at my eye with no mirror, at first. It is a chipping away, a drop by drop, moment to moment process, the miracle of a shift of perception. When an insight arrives to push you through, eureka, the ground of transformation.

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  5. Yes, yes, yes!!!!! I'm feeling like I'm a lovely new friend to myself now I'm not drinking -- my body and emotional landscape are all new and fresh and happy, and there's no way I'm screwing around with my body chemistry by boozing it up. The "authentic" word is popping up everywhere I look this week. XXX Sue

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  6. I don't want stupid alcohol anywhere in my body, my mind or my life.

    I took a picture of this first sentence!! I love it and need to read it everyday this week!
    Thank You
    Jen

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  8. Thinking of a sober future is making me excited.....something I haven't felt in a long time....Thank you Mrs D.

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