As I sit here typing I can feel so many muscles in my body aching and it feels GREAT!!!!! 2015 is going to be the year of fitness for me. I have really let my muscles go in the last 8 months.
Basically when my book came out and everything went nuts for me in June, I also cancelled my gym membership because my youngest started morning kindy and I didn't need their playroom any more while I exercised - it's complicated but basically the gym I was at was quite far away but I went there because of their playroom - once he was at morning kindy he didn't need the playroom and I didn't want to drive all the way in… and I was really busy as well you know….
I don't know why I'm typing out this long explanation (justification) as to why I cancelled my gym membership last year….
Enough excuses Mrs D - bottom line is I quit the gym, got busy with fantastically exciting sobriety stuff (like launching a new community website dedicated to helping people get sober that has 1570 registered members in only 6 months!!) and slowly the months went by and I started gaining weight which is a bummer but not the worst problem.
The worst problem is that I feel physically weak. I don't feel 'in' my body. I don't feel fit.
Exercise and me aren't best buddies. I've never particularly liked it. I've never gotten a huge endorphin rush from a great work out. I don't enjoy sweating or feeling uncomfortable while pushing my body to do things.
But if I have exercise in my life I feel better overall. I feel functional, healthy, motivated, proud. At 43 I know this. I've had enough phases of no-exercise… and enough phases of exercise… to know which is preferable. So I semi-begrudgingly move now to always implement regular exercise.
Lately I've been trying yoga on the living room floor via the TV (managed 4 sessions), the 'Map-My-Walk' app on my phone (managed 2 walks around my neighborhood) and swimming lengths in the local pool (only thought about that one, never made it to actually do it). So the gym it is. It works for me. I book it into my week (Mon and Wed morning after school drop-off definitely, Thurs as well if it's a good week) and that is enough. I feel good again! I get stronger. I feel better. I feel 'functional' because this is what we humans need to do - use our bodies. And ….. I suppose…. there must be some happy exercise endorphins cruising around inside as well.
Went to a concert on Saturday night. Had SUCH A GREAT TIME!!!!!! Concerts are the ultimate sensory experience for the sober person. I cried happy tears during a few songs, did loads of chair dancing - waving my arms around and singing at the top of my lungs (along with thousands of others at the venue), laughed and felt so happy. The lighting was amazing, the musicians were incredibly talented and the entire environment was a buzzing delight. I didn't need to go to the loo five million times. I wasn't thinking about buying more wine throughout. I wasn't slightly removed from the sensation because of alcohol affecting my brain. I was clear, present, connected and so so happy.
A sober life isn't all peaches and rainbows.. no way. Low times come, they come often and I deal with them. But the highs - like going to a rocking good concert - feel so much better. And with exercise in the mix, I am giving myself a very good shot at more positive feelings as well.
It works if you work at it. Does that slogan apply to recovery, or life in general? I'm going to use it in a general life sense. I'm working at it, and that feels good.
Love, Mrs D xxx