Boredom: I have strange patches of boredom where I feel 'itchy' and a bit directionless. Just odd moments in the day which I scramble to fill. I used to say that I drank because I was bored… but I don't think this 'boredom' I experience is actually boredom. I think it's a restlessness or 'hole' inside me that I need to fill spiritually. I tend to work towards filling it nowadays with work on the computer or watching TV. I would like to become more peaceful inside and be able to fill it with quiet contemplation or gardening or book reading or just sitting. OMG - meditation?! Have never quite managed that one. Would really appreciate suggestions if anyone has any good apps or programs they follow or books they've read that started them on meditation.
Anger: I am definitely more angry now that I am sober. Mostly it comes out when I am parenting, which isn't nice but kids are like divining rods - if there's anger to be found they'll find it. My anger when it does come is swift and furious and very focused on what the thing is I'm angry about. Then it passes. So it's not confusing for anyone (myself included). I don't hold grudges or stay moody for hours on end, and we always end the day lovingly. I'd like to control my anger flashes, but they don't involve violence, only occasionally the odd swearword! I'll keep working on this one.
Sadness: This sucks. Grief especially sucks. I just feel the sadness and figure there's not much to be done about it except acknowledge it and honor it and tell myself I can't get through life not being sad, especially if I love lots of people. If it's really lingering I work to input positive thoughts and that works well. I have my gratitude bowl that I put a wee note into when I feel like it - that's really nice.
Joy & Contentment: I am really aware of these things when they come and I appreciate them 100% and embrace them fully! I love when I get hit with happy endorphins or have a moment when I realise I feel really calm and happy. I treasure these moments and store them up, because I know the other things will come up and take centre stage (see above). Music gives me much pleasure, as does cooking and homemaking. Being with my family when we are just being a crazy bunch of personalities experiencing life together.
Pride: I live with an ever-present low-grade pride in myself for what I have done in getting sober. It's not a big-headedness. I don't think I'm better or more special than any other sober person (or any other person who isn't sober for that matter!) but in terms of my relationship with myself I am proud of what I have achieved. I'm also regularly incredibly proud and heart-warmed by other people who are working hard on themselves and getting sober - people on our website or who comment here, on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or via email (I am so lucky that I get to interact with lots of people via various forums). I think any person who works hard to get sober and heal themselves emotionally is brave and amazing.
Brave and amazing, brave and amazing, brave and amazing, brave and amazing. If you are working hard to get booze out of your life and heal yourself emotionally, then you are brave and amazing.
Love, Mrs D xxx
I got back into meditation using Headspace (headspace.com). It's also an app, so you can do it from your phone/tablet. It teaches you the basics and increases your meditating time in a very gentle way. And the guy who narrates has THE most soothing voice on the planet.
ReplyDeleteOh yes I did try that for a while - a bald British guy eh? (good looking).. maybe I'll give it another go….thanks! xx
DeleteLotta I use Headspace too and have just been given a free month of access to forward on to a friend. Will email you it & hope you enjoy :)
DeleteThanks so much Lucy! You rock xxx
DeleteHeadspace. Definitely.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered going to AA? The 12 steps are so widely adopted because they are a good path to greater self awareness. You may find some answers to your anger and dissatisfaction..
Anne (Ainsobriety)
Hey Anne! I have considered AA on occasion but have never made it through the door… I may do one day! Greater self-awareness sounds bloody good. Most of the time I'm not angry and dissatisfied… but I'd be lying if I didn't say those feelings flashed by occasionally. Thanks for your vote of Headspace too… must be a worthwhile app… might download tonight xxx
DeleteYou should go to a meeting. It might be good info (and incentive) for your blog. It is definitely not for everyone, but it clearly helps many.
DeleteOtherwise check out the book the woman's way through the 12 steps. It is extremely helpful.
Anne
I use the CALM app that Sherry recommended. It's short and sweet. Just a couple minutes to relax and breathe.
ReplyDeleteSharon
Cool might check out that one as well, thanks! Great it's working for you xxx
DeleteDear Mrs D,
ReplyDeleteThe things you deal with sound pretty normal!
I can relate to te bordom!
Have you tried Oprah and Deepak?
I will try to put the link in. https://chopracentermeditation.com
They have a 21 day free series.
I know some people in the states like it!
Thank you for helping me and others on the path!
I am 155 days sober!
Peace and hugs,
Wendy
Ah now I did hear of this one.. One of our Living Sober members swears by it I think.. Will look that one up as well... Loving all the suggestions! Can't have too many , at first at least until I find a good fit for me xxx
DeleteI think yoga and running both helped me learn to quiet my mind and be still inside. Because you have to focus on breathing and how your muscles feel, it kind of blots out everything else.
ReplyDeleteI'm back at the gym now and running on the treadmill, but honestly right now it's 10 minutes and I feel like I'm going to vomit! Yoga I've tried but have never really got in the groove with it but I know many people do... Maybe one day.... Xxx
DeleteI really thought that if I became sober, life would be perfect. Picture the WAAAAAAHHH of gospel chorus and a light shining on the path... What I have found, 18 months into my sobriety, is that I am happy to be sober, but: I am more nervous, messy and disorganized than I was when I was drinking.
ReplyDeleteI think it's because I used to arrange the trappings of my life so I could hide the extreme disorganization of my inner being. I'm more nervous because I am actually dealing with life's exigencies and not sleep-walking through the tough stuff. And I know now, things aren't always going to be okay. I'm looking over my shoulder...
I have found my best meditation happens when I walk on a beach. The monotony of the sea, the sand, one foot in front of the other is a mantra. Try it Mrs. D!!!
xxxooo
M
Yeah, isn't it interesting what unfolds & becomes more clear in sobriety. I'm into my 3rd year now and am figuring out a new layer of life management skills that I didn't realise were missing…! Beach walking sounds like a good idea, we have some lovely coastlines around where I live.. maybe next time I'm feeling 'itchy' I should drive to the shore rather than sit in front of Channel E….! xx
DeleteTry the "calm" app. It starts you out slowly and is very comforting. Just remember that you don't have to think of "nothing" you just need to observe whatever thoughts come into your head without letting them carry you away.
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
Will do my friend.. lovely to hear from you xxxx
DeleteGreat post Mrs D. I love the honesty. Love it. You brave sober soul baring warrior. For me anger is unavoidable. The world is full of things to make one angry - namely people doing stupid things. I try to hate the action and not the person though and I try to think that they are not intentionally trying to piss me off (although often it really seems like they are). I've found that I'm actually less angry now that I'm sober or at least I think I'm better at swallowing it now - which they say is bad but surely it's worse if you start ranting and raving at someone. I always feel bad if I lose my rag and tell someone where to go and so I've realised that my anger hurts me the most and is why I try to internalize it and let it subside before I try to approach the person or problem from a calmer different perspective..... Holy Shit!!! I'm finally becoming an adult!!! Thanks Mrs D!!! xxx
ReplyDeleteThanks Mr T - painter extraordinaire, lover of great music AND brave sober warrior morphing into an anger-manager adult!! Not to mention juicing master and poet xxx (for anyone else reading you need to hang out in the Members Feed at Living Sober to read Mr Tea's poetry and follow him on Instagram to see his paintings and juicing exploits!!)
Delete:-) :-) :-)
DeleteHey Mrs. D!
ReplyDeleteI hate running and need something more active than yoga so I do a super slow weight lifting workout three days a week and then walk on the treadmill while reading (love Jojo Moyes) two days a week. For meditation, I downloaded "Simply Being" for two bucks and there's an enhanced version for about a dollar more. It's helped me sleep like a baby in a hotel, where typically I don't sleep well at all.
Hugs from snowy Buffalo, NY!
'Simply Being' sounds good.. have you heard of the 4-7-8 breathing method for getting to sleep? People on our website (Living Sober) are raving about it - even one of our long term insomniacs says it's working for her. It's the middle one of these three here http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/three-breathing-exercises.html xxx
DeleteHave you read 10% Happier by Dan Harris? First book about meditation that made any sense to me, how can you not like a book when the first sentence is, I initially wanted to call this book The Voice in My Head Is an Asshole? Dan Harris might be familiar to your husband, he is a co-host on Good Morning America. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteJust ordered it from the library, sounds great! Thanks QD xx
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs D - I haven't posted before, but I love your blog and your positive attitude. So funny because this post was really timely for me - for the first 40-50 days of my sober journey I was on the pink cloud I guess. However something triggered anger in me about 3 weeks ago. I know what triggered it (and am working on that), but it seems to have triggered just plain smallness - like where I get really angry at the stupidest things (and stay angry). Can't figure this out.....but hoping to! Anyway I wanted to answer your question on Meditation. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my meditation so here are my favorite hits:
ReplyDeleteFirst, go to Itunes, go to the Itunes store and search for Meditation. Scroll down through to Podcasts - you should see the Meditation podcasts from Australia - there are over 50. They are AMAZING. Let me know if you have any problems with that. I meditate before I go to bed (while lying in bed) and when I wake up in the morning (while in bed). I find this ends my day on a beautifully positive note and when I wake up I start my day with good thoughts.
My second favorite is Tara Brach - same instructions as below, but instead search for Tara Brach and under podcasts you will see her stuff. Amazing
hey great advice thanks Linda! I will do some searching. I love love love Tara Brach, she is definitely a guru to me.. I listen to her talks (usually an hour long) but not so much her guided meditations, maybe I should start doing that. Best of all they're free! Great to hear from you xxx
ReplyDelete