Numbers

I turned 44 last Tuesday and on Thursday I celebrated my 1500th day of sobriety.

What wonderful numbers ... what a week. I have to be honest I was more excited about the soberversary than the birthday (although the birthday was lovely and my family made me feel very special all day). Deep down inside though the 1500 days felt incredibly more pride-inducing.

I worked hard for those 1500 days.

I am very happy with the direction the second half of my life is taking. I am happy that I'm working hard to turn inwards and become a fully realised human being. I am happy that I am learning how to properly deal with my complicated and tricky human brain so that I am starting to glimpse true inner calm. (Glimpse - notice I am saying glimpse! Still a way to go.. and if you read my last post I did jinx myself slightly and have been a wee bit piggy and 'treaty' this past week! Oh well... progress not perfection!)

I'm also very happy with the first part of my life. I don't regret all the boozing, I don't regret the years I spent avoiding tough emotions, the years I spent desperately trying to act like everything was 'fine' all the time. I look back at my boozy self with affection. I was trying the only way I knew how to make the world seem ok, to make everything fun and lovely all the time. 

Only problem was, my method (regular alcohol consumption) was flawed. A quick fix - yes. But a long term stragegy? Nope.

Just a readily available liquid drug that mimicks true feelings of well-being while it is in your system. A readily available liquid drug that is addictive and progressive. A readily available liquid drug that when imbibed in heavy doses makes you feel like shit physically and shit emotionally.

Glad I've left that liquid drug behind.

I'm 44 years old and 1503 days sober. 

That looks pretty good to me.

Love, Mrs D xxx