I used to wake up in the morning at 3am with a dry mouth, pounding head, sick guts, and an intense feeling of guilt. Why did I drink too much last night yet again? Why am I such a weak and pathetic piece of shit?
A couple of hours later I'd drag myself out of bed to start the day. The first things to hit my stomach would be a couple of pain killers and a big mug of milky instant coffee.
I'd struggle through the morning feeling like shit physically and emotionally (until I rehydrated, started convincing myself I didn't have a problem and worked towards drinking again the next evening).
Nowadays, what a difference! Most days I wake between 6-7am and my first thought is usually "whoa, another eight hours uninterrupted sleep!". I get out of bed and start my day with no hangover or guilt. Currently the first things to hit my belly are a big glass of water with a cap of apple cider vinegar in it, followed by a mug of green tea.
I am not a saint by any means, there are things that I can still over-indulge in and mornings when I am feeling low or shitty. But for the most part my days start with a clear head, and a happy heart.
So great to be able to get the days off to a good start because bloody hell life can be hard sometimes. Things hurt and are tricky and it's no wonder adults get ground down by all of the stuff that we have to deal with year after year. Oh to be a kid again with no sense of relentless pain and suffering.
But let this not be a post about doom and gloom! Let this be a post about glorious hangover free sober mornings, hearts that beat and lungs that fill with air. Let this be a post about gratitude for small glorious things like scented candles and dogs who love wholly and unconditionally and fridges that keep food cold and music that lifts the heart.
Let this be a post about bravery and honesty and digging deep to be the best you can be. And community and love and love and love.
Let this be a post about love.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Beautifully put. Thank you for the reminder that there are so very many things to be grateful for once the booze is gone, I find it a challenge to remember sometimes. J x
ReplyDeleteI am at day one - just wondering if you know people who combined the daily couple of wines with pills? It seems to be one or the other... thanks so much
ReplyDeleteI am struggling through a kind of low-hearted post-election thing here in the states, so I needed this post. But, on the bright side, I am drinking wonderful coffee as I type! The dog is happy, I'm happy, and it's a beautiful day. I just saw a fox taking a dip into the lake out front. How cool is that? Life is a miracle when you treat it as one.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the uplifting post, Mrs. D!
XOXO,
Shawna
Im in early days and have finally begun to see the hurt I was causing myself on a daily basis. This post basically sums up my mood lately- joy, wonderment, elation of making it through another 24 hours. Ive read your book twice now so I know I have tough times ahead, but for now, loving, blogging, resting, caring, sharing, etc are my daily realities
ReplyDeleteHi I have just spent the last two hours reading your blog while I've been up with my 3 month old. Awesome work Mrs D . From your first day, year to now 5 years. I'm not sure why I ended up here but I've left inspired and with a little bit more insight in to how it is for my friend and why they're finding it so hard to come to that place. So for this I thank you and hope I can be more supportive of.
ReplyDeleteHi! Just found your blog and am reading it from the beginning... Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteYes to celebrating 'small glorious things'! Mrs D I have been out of Internet reach in Zimbabwe and have a new blog called Coming through at https://mla5073.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteMary LA
I am not really sure if these are the first signs of wobbling (true doubt) or whether, now the topic is out in the open for me to read, that I am just wondering. I set this up for a diary as I have said earlier but now hoping for some help I think xx
ReplyDeleteWhy is there so much information and so many blogs and talk about how wonderful it is to be sober, and how hard it is to stay sober and how much better everyone's life is sober.
Wouldn't happy sober people just be happy - why feel the need to go back to the bottle if it is SOOOOOOOO amazing to be sober? Why is everyone celebrating the milestones so much more than say something like smoking. (I am in no way belittling this process, it's just my brain wanting answers which I know is super shaky ground).
I mean, when you give up smoking (which is an additive habit and a disease as is alcoholism) it is hard, but after people have quit for over a period of 3 months or so - most seem to never miss it and think it's disgusting. Ex drinkers seem to be never cured and always (including me only after 4 days) patting myself on the back and hoping I'll stick at it. I used to smoke and found it really hard to quit but haven't looked back and don't give a crap about cigarettes or feel the least bit tempted to start smoking.
I got this from www.lifeprocessprogram.com in Texas:
" When I speak before a crowd of addiction counselors (virtually all “recovering” people, primarily from alcohol), I ask, “What is the toughest addiction to quit?” The crowd responds in unison, “smoking.” I then ask, “Has anyone in this room quit cigarettes?” Sometimes half or more of the crowd raises their hands (this often means hundreds of people). I then say, “How many of you relied on treatment or a support group to quit?” Often, not a single hand is raised. I then launch into, “Gosh, let’s think about what we just learned. Among a group of people experienced with addiction, who have been addicted to more than one thing, and who treat addictions, you have told me that a majority of you quit what you regard to be the toughest addiction of all without formal assistance.”
This doesn't see to make sense either - AA deals with ex-alcoholics over a LONG LONG period of time, some 25 years. Are we not really convinced as a human race that drinking is that bad after all?
Mrs D inspired me to write http://givingupdrugsandalcohol.blogspot.co.nz/
I want to live a sober life, Today is the start of a new me Thanks for sharing your stories..
ReplyDeleteThose first 3 paragraphs describe my morning.... Day 1...
ReplyDeleteI just finished your book - I loved it and it was very relatable...Very proud of you! You are loved and blessed...I'll have three years sober on December 25 of this year! LET'S KEEP IT UP!!!
ReplyDeleteGoing to get out of bed with my pounding 1 to many wines again guilty self and get the book today...that blog is my life day 1 for me....is the plan
ReplyDelete