Monday, March 7, 2016

Authentic me.

Have had a fun & social weekend! We went to a neighbourhood party on each day so there has been lots of meeting people and chatting and being social and polite.

It's been lovely, a little bit of effort but not too much. Both events were very relaxed and nice and I met some lovely new people in the neighbourhood.

Most people were having the odd beer and wine at each event but not much. If I'd have been drinking I probably wouldn't have presented as over-enthusiastic either.. I would have had a respectable one or two wines and would have remained well-behaved.

But because the beast in me would have been awakened I would have likely gone home after each event and continued on drinking - a lot. I would have polished off at least a bottle of wine to myself on Saturday night (probably more) .. and as a result at the Sunday afternoon event I would have been hungover. That wouldn't have stopped me from having another wine or two in the afternoon and sure enough I would have been pulled in the direction of even more back at home on Sunday night.

How often I would turn up to things hungover? A lot. Kids birthday parties particularly - I have distinct memories of being at kids birthday parties where I was so hungover I could hardly string two sentences together.. I remember making mumbled excuses as to why I was a bit quiet - 'am pretty hungover today' sort of thing. Wonder what the other adults thought of me when I said that? 'She's a lush' probably. But in my mind I just thought it showed that I was sort-of cool and hard core.

How deluded I was.

I like sober me. I know that some people might think I'm boring because I don't drink. I know some people might think I'm quiet or low-key at a social event.. but the more I live not drinking the more I just settle into who I am. Who I really am. Authentic me.

Authentic me is more comfortable sitting quietly in a group not feeling the need to fill every gap in the conversation. 

Authentic me is happy to quietly stand and smile and chat a little but not feel itchy or jumpy about the interactions that are going on. 

Authentic me has space in her brain to really listen to what other people are saying and to engage with them in a genuine manner.

Authentic me can still get embarrassed or feel awkward at times in a social setting.. but by and large authentic me is pretty comfortable in her own skin. 

Without a doubt the word authentic is one of my most favourite words in the entire English language nowadays. It has such wonderful connotations. It implies qualities that are calm, content, genuine, honest, truthful, real. All of those things I was desperately wanting (and trying) to be when I was boozing. 

Without booze you have no choice but to discover authentic you. 

And that, my friends, is a truly wonderful & rewarding thing.

Love, Mrs D xxx


  1. I am learning this, too.
    I am learning I don't have to be the life of the party anymore, and how much more relaxed that is!

  2. I like authentic you quite a lot, too! And I'm grateful to you, as your path to being the more authentic you has helped me do the same. I cringe when I read about being a casual drinker at an event and then going home and drinking a bottle. I used to do that all the time, and oh man, am I ever glad I don't anymore. I'm still working on being comfortable with myself, but I'm definitely a work in progress and sometimes a deeply uncomfortable one. Anyway, super glad to see you here, authentic and joyous and full of life. Big hug to you my friend! xo

    1. Oh, I so real ate to this - couldn't leave for home fast enough!

  3. Great post Mrs D. I have a long way to go before knowing my authentic self, but at least I am not drinking anymore. Being sober is so much better! A x

  4. I totally agree. And as time goes on it dawns on me how bloody drunk (or at least tipsy) I was. Everyday. And I can't help but think what friends and everyone thought of my socialising back then compared to now. But this is me now. Nothing to hide. Just being me. Def not the party upbeat all the time girl that I was, but now I'm content. And I trust myself. Authentic to a tee!

  5. I Love this. So true....being authentic. Isn't it a great feeling to be happy and content in our own skin. About 610 days sober for me and life is fantastic. What I do notice now is too many people drink way too much... and sadly is the norm in society. I hope I can influence some of them. God Bless you Mrs D :)

  6. God. I remember those days. And it wouldn't have been unheard of to bring a hair of the dog to the party...shudder.

    Yes, I like authentic me. Real, interested, compassionate me. Who shares my story often- whether it be about depression or alcohol abuse.

    Who extolls the virtue of yoga and the newfound joy in life I have.

    I like to think people who meet me feel that. That I am just me. No mask.


  7. I loved your 'authenticity' post. I struggle to know what that means sometimes. Because often I think that my 'real' self is not good enough. Though what exactly it is I'm not good enough for, I don't know. So I am trying to just sit and be and feel feelings, and not cloak it all in a haze of vino collapso. Early days for me - four days to be precise. So far not too bad, but I'm getting tetchy and the feeling that I want to reach for that one glass of wine (which'll of course turn into a bottle) is in the background. I think I'm going to walk the dog instead though. Thanks for your site. It's very encouraging.

  8. Loved the way you described this very much. 'Authentic me' ? Who knows, I guess for me it is going to be finding that both without wine to numb the difficult times, and being calm and patient through them instead.
    It is lovely to experience the lovely times when the children are young without the blur - I am so grateful I hadn't found the 'crutch' wine provided by then - too happy, busy and poor, but if I had realised... tough times as a working mother, no doubt I would have started up...phew

  9. This is my favourite post that you've ever written.... you should write a fictional book... observations, thoughts, stream of conciousness... middle class surbuban life.... : )