So I seem to have a familiar pattern now with my new sober life. I am good through the busy, noisy times being a non-drinker, but I struggle a bit in the quiet of my own brain. Didn't have a problem with all the parties last weekend at all, in fact (as I keep saying) I'm so much happier going out and being a sober-together version of myself. I always feel so much happier in my memories of the night.
Anyway so that was the weekend, full of noise and life and me more than happy not drinking. Then come Monday, I'm tired and it's quiet and I feel like a wine at 5pm would have been really nice. Just a few thoughts, not a huge wave of them like it would have been 90-odd days ago when I was first sober, but still they were there. Tuesday also a bit tricky. I'm still learning how just to 'be' without the wine.
I've been thinking how I used to be quite useless in the evenings. I'd never answer the phone if I could help it, I certainly wouldn't get on the computer (have done the odd drunk-facebook session and cringed the next morning at my over-effusive comments on people's photos 'your kids are so beautiful you're awesome love you guys so much' etc etc), couldn't achieve any sorting of paper-work, paying bills or transcribing interviews for my masters research or anything really. Just me on the sofa with a wine or 5 and the TV. Lots and lots of TV.
I have been known to get through an entire programme of Keeping Up With The Kardashians and realise only toward the end I had watched it before, pissed. Or maybe those idiots are just imminently forgettable. Still can't stop watching them though!
Now I have these lovely gentle evenings and if I'm in the mood can actually achieve things. Admittedly it's just things like sitting on the sofa with my notebook and cookbooks and making a meal plan & shopping list for the week (budgeting housewife geek me), or sitting with the laptop ordering books online from the library catalogue, or reading recovery blogs and making effusive-but-sober comments on other ex-boozers blogs!, or wrapping Christmas presents. Or maybe just deciding with Mr D that we'll climb into bed and watch Downton Abby.
Oh and I'VE FINALLY LOST WEIGHT YEEEEEEE HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Love, Mrs D xxx