My stress levels are rising with this having-to-move-in-a-hurry business, and I'm bloody knackered thanks to the increased brain noise that is giving me terrible insomnia, and I'm finding it hard to stay all easy-going and calm about things like PEOPLE AROUND ME WHO HAVE NO F%#*ING IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BECOME AND REMAIN SOBER!!!!!!!!
I love that I can come on here and 'talk' in the virtual sense to others who know what it's like, and I enjoy reading all my recovery books that I get from the library (Moments of Clarity by Christopher Kennedy Lawford is the current one - great) but I'm sick of having no-one in my face-to-face life who really gets it.
Now don't get me wrong, Mr D is awesome and he does get it, he really does. But even so, he's a normal drinker. But other friends of mine (this is what's sparking this rant) act like I just blew a feather one day and became sober and that's it.
Mr D thinks it's because I come across all 'sorted' and 'strong' people don't think I have any internal battles but I do. I DO!!!
Last night I climed into bed really early to watch a cooking competition show and the contestants were taken off to a winery for a cooking challenge and I got hit with this feeling like 'oh my god never again am I going to go to a winery and have a wine'. And I felt stink. So clearly I'm feeling vulnerable. No suprise I guess given everything. But as I say, I'm sick of not having anyone around me who knows. Woe is me (said with mock sarcasim).
Love, Mrs D xxx