Thursday, June 7, 2012

Here we go...

After I wrote that last post I went and vacuumed the car ready for our road-trip to the new city.  Then I hit. the. wall.  Absolutely hit the wall.  Just collapsed, all the stress and adrenaline from the house-sale finally got to me and I had to get into bed and sleep for two hours.  In the afternoon!  Haven't done that since I was pregnant.

My face has now broken out in zits and I'm really exhausted from waking every morning at 4-5am with a million details running around in my brain.  The sadness has come back, all my lovely friends are giving me sweet gifts and saying nice things about the time we've shared, there are a lot of tears from everyone. This is like an endless rolling excruciating farewell and I'm so over it. I'm sorry I'm so over it, I hate this sadness, I just want to get out of here now.

I cried in bed last night watching some crap on tele, and I had some pangs about never drinking again which shows that I'm feeling vulnerable.  Those pangs can piss off.

Anyway, onward and upwards!  I just want to get the goodbyes over with now and get the fuck out of dodge.  The house is full of boxes and we're down to our suitcases which will go into the car tomorrow.  We're taking a few days to drive to the new city and will meet the truck at our rental there early next week.

So ... see you on the other side.  By then I will have shed many more tears but hopefully the excitement about things to come will have come to the fore more.

Love, Mrs D xxx

7 comments:

  1. How I wish I could help you and take your sadness away as you have helped me so much in my early days of sobriety. I know what you mean about not knowing how to handle sadness. For me - whilst its also more complicated - drinking was definitely a way of avoiding sadness. My Buddhist friends talk about just "observing" ones emotions - and NOT "trying to do" anything about them. Sometimes this helps. I also remind myself that sadness in some profound way makes us human - although I would not be able to explain that further if you challenged me. Good luck Mrs D.

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  2. It is so hard to sit with sadness, but I think its presence makes us human. Moving is such a massive upheaval for so many reasons yet, as you recognise, it also provides the opportunity for excitement for the future. Honour your last night in the house with its wonderful memories, it is there you gained the strength to stop drinking and that is a wonderful thing to take away with you. I hope the road trip is awesome and fills you with excitement for what lies ahead x

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  3. Mrs D. Every relapse I have, it's anger that gets me there; I wish I could choose whether to be angry or not. Maybe you're right; maybe I can. Food for thought
    Sadness? I don't think I mind that one. We are a funny lot aren't we, us humans; us addicts.
    You're just brilliant and an inspiration . . . I can't wait to catch up when you get to the other place and hear about all the good stuff you have to look forward to . . . Safe journey x

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  4. Best wishes for a smooth ride. Yes. Those pangs can piss off.
    Positive energy being sent your way.....

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  5. I like what you wrote about feeling sadness being harder than feeling anger. So true.

    You're in my thoughts. Looking forward to your first post on the new location!

    XO

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  6. Much much love and "Happiness" to you and the whole family as you relocate and get settled. Take care xxxx

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