It's coming pretty easily right now. Just busy living and not thinking or caring about the no-alcohol thing. Got a bit of stress on with my MA, have been forcing my way through some heavy-duty theorists ... trying to understand what they're saying enough to write them in my own words and not feel like a fraud.
Mr D is really busy at work and has been having a few boozy nights out and that's fine by me - he can have them. I think it's good for him actually, to blow off some steam with colleagues or friends every now and then. He has a very stressful job and is a great husband and dad, he's also a normal drinker who can have some blow-outs and then not touch alcohol for a week or two and not even really notice.
Me, no such luck.
I've been hearing stories from friends about boozy parties. I'm the queen of the living-room disco dance and don't need to be determinedly filling myself with wine (as I used to do) to enjoy them.
As I said to a mate, I feel like I'm in Magical Sober Land which is such a different head-space to what I used to be in I don't want to tip up the apple cart. I think I understand now that my heavy wine-drinking was me not feeling fully happy in my own mind (that plus being a good-time party girl and someone who didn't want to deal with serious emotions).
Now I look to other things to keep me happy. Really trying to not let the little stressful or miserable thoughts crowd in but try to lift my eyesight (metaphorically speaking) and widen my view to what a full, lovely life I have. Do the things that make me happy - studying and exercising my mind, the gym and exercising my body (not so much lately as the kids have been sick), enjoying my cooking and trying new recipes out, keeping the house neat and ticking over nicely (confession: I find washing and folding laundry extremely satisfying), keeping in contact with all my far-flung friends, caring and being kind to my family, loving and snuggling my little boys as much as I possibly can. And loving and supporting Mr D.
I cannot believe that almost one year ago I was still boozing and about to make the biggest decision of my life. To remove alcohol completely and wrap myself in a warm cloak of sobriety. Thank god I did that.
Now, back to those bloody theorists.....
Love, Mrs D xxx