Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Hidden away boozers...

I was out on the back deck when I heard a tell-tale 'Clank' as a glass bottle hit others in a neighbor's recycling bin. It was followed by the sound of their back door closing. This is a neighbor whose property only connects with a tiny corner of ours and there are large trees blocking us from each other. So I have no idea who this person was, or what kind of bottle they were clanking into their recycling bin, but it was after 5pm so.....

Could it have been a housewife slowly filling herself up with chardonnay in the privacy of her own home? Lord knows that's how I used to do it. Tidily and neatly and privately filling myself up with wine and clanking bottles into my recycling bin over and over again. At least when I was boozing our bin was kept inside so no-one could hear me 'clank'. Although it did have to go up on the road to be collected once a week. Bottles spilling out at odd angles (I was very good at getting a lot in - you have to put them upside down at the end and just poke the thin top into gaps in the pile).

A friend of mine used to joke when she saw me at kindy - 'saw your recycling bin, looks like you guys had another good week!!' Ha ha! How I laughed. This was before I saw my heavy drinking as sad and dysfunctional.

Now our bin is kept outside and I do 'clank' glass into it regularly but it's usually bottles of ginger beer or other soft drinks. And it's funny, sometimes I feel like calling out should any neighbors be listening..."if you heard that clank I just want to let you know it's a soft drink bottle ok?! I don't drink alcohol any more .. ok??!!" But of course I don't.

I do look at others recycling bins on rubbish day thought I have to admit. And as I drive round the neighborhood I play 'spot the boozers'. And sometimes I look at people around town and wonder... who amongst them is a secret boozer wishing they could stop.

I get loads of lovely comments, and I love them all - heaps! Especially those from you anonymous folk who tell me that you're trying to give up, and I'm in a small way helping.

Love, Mrs D xxx


27 comments:

  1. Hello, occasional reader...not sure if I've ever commented. I'm almost 2 years sober (will be December 2). I found your blog via a friend's blog (God Walked into This Bar). I've enjoyed following your ups and downs as I've had my own.

    I live in Texas, USA so no NZ love ha! I actually also regularly read a blog by a NZ transplant to the US thekitchensgarden.com. She's on a small farm trying to make it sustainable and it is so completely opposite of my tidy suburban life that it's wonderful to read (and look at, she takes lovely photos as well).

    I'm a mom of 3 kids, ages 26, 22 and 20...empty nest here except when the youngest is home from school. I sure wish I'd gotten sober when my kids were your kids' ages.

    Rock on, Mrs. D.

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  2. This made me laugh out loud: "And it's funny, sometimes I feel like calling out should any neighbors be listening..."if you heard that clank I just want to let you know it's a soft drink bottle ok?! I don't drink alcohol any more .. ok??!!" But of course I don't."

    Thanks for the laughter, I needed it.

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  3. I definitely laughed...and then I thought about sadly how full our recycling bin is right now from all my recent chardonnay clanks and they didn't pick up like they were supposed to because of the holiday. It's gonna be overflowing, but my plastic club soda and diet cranberry bottles don't make that clank. I don't think I'll miss that clank! But I'll definitely think of you every time I put something in the bin!

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  4. So funny you should post this Mrs. D. I was in line at McDonald's the other day with one of my boys. There was a woman in front of us with her son - he looked to be about 10. She was very tense and short with the cashier and her son had "that look". The look that says, "Please mom...don't make a scene." Or, "Please mom...please don't drink anymore." It was so sad I almost cried (see my post from yesterday - thank you for the lovely comment).

    Anyway, I thought to myself, "I'll bet she's a drinker," as I remembered late afternoons when my temper got short and all I could think about was getting home and cracking open a bottle. Then I corrected myself and thought, "Who am I to judge this woman? Maybe she's just had a bad day?"

    Then as she walked past me I could smell the wine wafting off her. Seems I can spot them a mile away.

    Wanted to take her boy home with me too.

    Great post Mrs. D...as usual, you're living in my head. ;-) This was my version of peeking in people's recycling bins.

    Sherry

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  5. Hi Mrs. D,
    I've been lurking since the beginning of your blog and now that I'm 50 something days sober I feel like I'm "allowed" to start commenting on sober blogs. Isn't that redic? Yet, that is how my drunk ass low self esteem head was thinking when I was drinking all that booze for all that time. Ugh. I only put out 1 recyling bin a week (filled with items of the non alcohol variety) instead of 2 overflowing ones. Progress! Thanks for the laugh.

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  6. Love reading your insights....I am still continuing to work on my food addiction. Working on breaking the way I compulsively eat food to celebrate my joys, to comfort my sadness or stress, to entertain my boredom. I feel better when I am eating healthy and making good choices for myself....but when I'm not, it sure tastes good going down! But I don't like having something in my life that has power over me. I want to be in charge of food....not food be in charge of me. So there you have it.... lol

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  7. I find myself looking at others and thinking they probably have drinking problems too...I guess it just comes with sobriety. While we were visiting family over the holidays; I noticed my MIL waiting until we went to bed to drink..then drinking wine into the wee hours of the morning. Maybe it was b/c we were there...still, it IS what I did a lot as an alcoholic..

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  8. I did the recycling bin walk of shame this morning...several bottles from the weekend "hidden" by other recyclables. I'm planning to quit for a period of time on New Year's (right now thinking one year) just to see if I can get my shit together. I've been thinking about this a lot lately and all you amazing people in the sobersphere have me thinking...hmmm, this "living life thing" could really be so much better without alcohol. Thank you for that.

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  9. Hello Mrs D
    I read your blog regularly and I live in Ireland - I hope to be 25 years sober and clean in February. Keep up the good work :-)
    I dont blog for a few reasons but hopefully some day I wont care who finds it that knows me. I have a few options to comment as but could only choose anonymous - My name is Nuala - a nice Irish name

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  10. Great post! I can totally relate. I had to do it for years with my beer and wine bottles and I'm still doing it for the huz, sigh. I was just out back yesterday transferring our kitchen recycling bin into the outdoor can. I had to do the whole nesting bottles and layering them under my empty seltzer cans. Gotta keep it classy!

    Xo

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  11. Just checking in to let you know I'm here. Still struggling 40 something mom in the US. Know I need to stop. Have cut back but realize how much I have to think about it and know eliminating alcohol is the answer. So funny how the recycle bin stories are universal. My town recently switched from open bins that you had to carry to the curb to covered bins on wheels. Feel like I should write to the garbage company and tell them what a dream come true that is for an alcoholic....

    Anywho...thanks for caring about your readers. I appreciate all that you share and all that you've been through. I want what you have. That's what sharing your stories of sobriety does for me.

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  12. I am a single mother of a 3 year old living with her parents again. Today is my birthday. I just threw away 6 bottles of wine that I smuggled in and out my car to throw in the car wash dumpster. I decided today is my BIRTHDAY and today I choose to stop drinking. I stumbled to your blog my accident while eating my lunch at work.

    It couldnt' have been more perfectly timed.

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  13. Ha, the old walk of shame to the curb on recycling day. I remember burying bottles under milk jugs in an effort to make it look better, meanwhile not fooling anyone. Funny post, thanks for the smile.

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  14. Hey Mrs D! I have been following and reading/catching up on your blog for several months now, as a helping hand to my own struggles. I am not sober, but I cut my drinking down by about 75-85%. Basically, from 7 days a week and heavy to once or twice a week. This feels good for me, and it's been working well for hte last several months (since July), but my partner is not on board with me. He drinks daily, and heavily (I'm talking 2-3 bottles of wine a night or about 400-500ml of vodka or whiskey). Luckily, this is not an all-day thing; it's only in the few hours right before bed. In fact, I'm pretty sure the main reason he does is so he can sleep. This is also a main factor in not quitting, even for a short period of time--cutting out alcohol even for a night ensures a very restless night. Amounts aside, about half the time he drinks to a point where he's pretty smashed and can't walk straight. I want to say something but I don't think it will do any good, and I'm worried it will make him self-conscious and resentful on top of it. I haven't found good info on how to deal with this...still looking.

    Anyway, your blog is this wonderful rock in the middle of all of this! I have so much catching up to do. Thanks for keeping your head above water and for being so fun with it all. Oddly, one of the biggest fears I had about not drinking is that all the fun would go away. Your blog helped me to realize that wasn't true in the least--quite the opposite! :)

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  15. Hi Mrs D, love this post. It reminded me of a time someone moved a side table cabinet of mine and out tumbled nearly a dozen of empty wine bottles. Well no more of that for us! Great post, glad I'm back to the blog-o-sphere again and reading your posts!!

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  16. Hi Mrs. D - i'm a new reader here - your humor and honesty are just the best. I was cracking up reading about putting bottles upside down in the trash having them nicely poke down to the bottom - totally did the same - I thought I was such the clever gal...so ridiculous when I think about that and all the cringe-worthy things I've done while drinking! Like you, i've got little ones (4 of 'em) - my main motivation to stay sober. THANKS for putting this blog out there...truly appreciated and truly helpful :)

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  17. Hi Mrs D, it's Anon from Wellington here, day 32 and going strong. I've been to two work functions in the last 24 hours and really enjoyed being able to chug back the drinks... ginger ale in a wine glass!! I just made a point of keeping my glass full (I've had heaps of practice in the past!) so I didn't have to say "no thanks" to the bottles of wine circulating.

    Thanks for keeping the posts coming. You've really helped me keep on keeping sober. Thank YOU.

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  18. Before I got into drinking regularly I used to be amazed at what my neighbor would put away. Everyday, there was a cascade of glass into their bin. Ten years later and that was me, and some point I began to realize I was THE SAME as that guy. I had become what I was smirked at previously. Its good be back to the guy I can respect, but without the smirks at others, because now I realize just what booze does to even regular, normal and even nice people. How humbling.

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  19. That's where casks of wine come in handy.... no clinking noise as you pop them in the recycling :-)

    We have an elderly neighbour who collects cans for cash and he's always appreciative of anything you can leave him. I like helping him out but it is shameful having all of my husbands beer cans out on view for all the passing world to see.

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  20. Maybe it's coincidence or maybe it's the universe opening up after I did (I left the long post above about my partner's drinking), but last night, we had a candid conversation about this, prompted by my partner, and he's ramping up to tackle this! He's even excited about going to some meetings. On top of that, we got to share a lot on the subject, and it was...just really great. Thanks again, Mrs D, for inspiring us all to be ourselves. :)

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    Replies
    1. Best news ever!! Now start a blog so we can read lol!! good luck dear.

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    2. Thank you!!! :)

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  21. I did my MA about a hundred years ago. It IS difficult. Mine was in history and I spent months writing and rewriting and I don't think I did much of anything else. This was before kids and before I started drinking. I was able shut off every other responsibility and it was still hard.

    I have a friend who is working on her thesis while doing a full-time job and raising her child. It is ever so much harder.

    You'll do great!

    Thank you for inspiring me to look at my present in the context of my past. We always had covered bins and I thought everyone drank like we did, so I never felt any shame about it until I quit drinking. It's amazing how much lighter the recycling is when it's not filled to the brim with empty wine bottles (both literally and figuratively).

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  22. Hey Mrs D, we moved to a new county late last year and i was horrified to learn the recycling bin would be emptied only every SECOND week. It was always chock-a-block full (at least 3 empty bottles of wine went in every day). We were away for one collection day so we'd crammed a month's worth of bottles in the bin. At around midday i went outside to bring it in and discovered Every Single Bottle in the bin had been laid out on the ground by the drive gates, on the footpath. For everyone to see. It was with mortification i took a box out onto the street and collected my clanking pile of shame to take away to hide again. I spoke to the postman about it and he told me that in this area we have to take all glass recycling to the recycling centre ourselves, the council doesn't collect glass. The poor bin men must have been so pissed off at us blatantly breaking the rules that they decided to teach us a lesson. Lesson learned!
    All the best with your MA, hang in there! Imo x

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  23. I don't know what was better, the post itself or all the people stepping up and commenting, relating... amazing! Somehow Mrs. D your tender heart and open, honest way of writing doesn't just draw me in but everyone else as well. I haven't read your post after this with thanks yet, but wanted to share my own recycling woes all the way from BC Canada... I don't know what it is, but not many people I know actually put their empties on the curb come Tuesday, Thursday or which ever day that neighborhood gets their pick-up. We pay a heavy deposit on top of the fact I think Canadians pay more for booze than anywhere in the world therefore people generally take their empties in for cash back. Not me, for two reasons: For one, I can't be bothered to deal with the mess, hoarding empties just to sort them all out in a disgusting garage bay for 8 dollars and 10 cents, no thanks! Also, I feel I support the homeless locally. Makes me chuckle at how silly this sounds while I write but my house is considered quite the hotspot for empties, let me tell you! This isn't something I am proud of, in fact some weeks are much worse than others, especially if I have company or am on a downward spiral and liquor is lubricating the event. Lately there is nothing worth anything in my bin, and although this probably is why the homeless are bickering on my lawn at 7 am Wednesday mornings. I am not drinking as much and it feels great. Its actually been a week, not that I am trying I am just drinking tea instead and staying home cuddling my sons, just seems more appealing these days. Long story short, thank you again for your post, you are a funny lady.

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  24. I was a functional alcoholic for 2 years. Then on vacation at the beach I drank so much I blacked out. I was lucky enough to wake up the next day but I had a black eye and a swollen head. I am lucky to be alive as I remember nothing that took place. I said I would never drink in public again. Well I did alot in private until February 2012 when I said I am done with this. I hated feeling like crap every morning while I carefully applied make-up to my teacher face and thought about the bubbly person I "acted" like each day. I will be so happy when February 2013 comes around. I am proud of my accomplishment.I am strong willed.
    My husband drinks Guiness like it is water but I am never tempted. I am too strong and too smart.
    Your website inspired me and continues to do so. Thank you Mrs. D.

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  25. Mrs D, I feel the same as Mirror Mirror above...I love the post and all of the wonderful comments. What a great community we have here. How funny is it that we can all relate to our recycling bins? I too have been astonished at how much LESS is in mine! Lucky for me we had a covered one one wheels BUT I used to panic on super windy days for fear it would fall over end empty its contents on the street and reveal my secret. Mine still carries wine and beer bottles but they are only my hubby's now...lol. Also, I could relate to one of the anonymous comments above about trying to cut back and realizing that totally cutting it out is the way to go. I tried and tried and tried for years to go back to 'being a normie' but I just couldn't do it and it took soooo much energy and wasted effort. I am finding that cutting alcohol out totally has been so much easier for me. That is why I will never touch a drop again....all that 'thinking' is exhausting. I don't know how I ever got anything done in my life! I used to think that I drank for stress relief but I now think I am less stressed since I got rid of alcohol. Sure my life is super hectic but I am getting more done in a day now and I sleep so much better. Have I told you lately how AWESOME it is to come here and share? Thanks Mrs D!!!

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