Friday, June 27, 2014

Mrs D is NOT Going Without A PARTY!

Tomorrow is my book launch party - whoop whoop!! I'm sorry I've had to stop replying to emails so I can just focus on the party. Friends are starting to fly in from today and loads more friends and family are arriving tomorrow and I cannot wait! I'll get back to responding to all of you who have privately reached out to me next week. I promise.

Things have been crazy since the TV item went to air. Well, a lot of things have been normal like I'm still prepping endless meals and folding endless piles of washing and clearing away endless piles of crap.. but in my online spaces (this blog, Facebook, Twitter and on email) there is just this huge lovely wave of warmth and support and togetherness rolling in.

I'm not wanting to position myself as a sobriety guru (as someone commented to me here on this blog).. I'm honestly not. I don't have all the answers, I'm not an addictions expert. I'm just an ordinary housewife who used to be locked in a boozy prison and got herself free.

But what I am is a communicator - having worked as a journalist for 20 years - and I've discovered ...since blogging for myself about what's going on for me... that I have an ability to articulate tricky internal stuff in a way that people relate to. That's why I got a book contract and now with the publishers publicity machine behind me that's why I'm the one getting all the attention right now.

But it's not about me!! It's about all of us. You and you and you and you and you. All of you people who have commented and emailed and liked and shared and tweeted and all the rest of us. It's about community. I'm speaking out to reach more people like us so we can all come together and help and support each other.

Community.

Community.

Community.

There is a fabulous new website coming - funded by the addictions sector here in NZ and with me managing it - where we can all come together in a more interactive space and talk to and support each other more. People like you and me. People who understand. I love how people are already talking to each other in the comments section on here.. the new site will be better suited for that sort of interaction. Community.

But until then.. I've got a book launching! Tomorrow night is about me and Mr D bringing all our friends and family together to celebrate with us! 70 guests! 12 staying with us! I've got a fab new frock from Witchery! The cafe has designed 3 fabulous mocktails for each guest to have on arrival and after that the bar is open. I don't care if people want to drink alcohol, that's fine by me. I just know my brain, I know what's right for me, and I don't want any booze.

Tomorrow is about friends and togetherness and celebration and fun and chatting and dancing and partying. It is not about what I have in my glass. Alcohol does not have the power to make this party more fun and special than it naturally is. Of that I am sure.

Love, Mrs D xxx

53 comments:

  1. Congrats!! You are paving the way :)

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  2. Congratulations Mrs D. You truly deserve it. Im new to your blog but have been glued to it for days now. You've inspired me! Lulu

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  3. Enjoy the well deserved celebrations, I am really looking forward to reading your book. I so agree with you about it being about all of us together as a supportive community, it takes a village to raise a child and it takes a village to support adults to raise children & thrive as healthy happy people - cheers to you Mrs D!

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  4. It is so inspiring to hear someone position sobriety as a positive. One of the hardest things I found about facing that I had an issue were the relentless stories of people who failed, a treadmill of hopelessness. Alan Carr is my guru in revisitng alcohol as a thief who offers nothing but takes a lot. Congratulations - have a wonderful wonderful time.

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  5. Have a wonderful, wonderful party! I saw the show and have since read your entire blog, every single sentence. Your writing is touching, honest, human and funny. It must feel so amazing to be touching so many people's lives. Thank you... and looking forward to the new website.

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  6. You have totally inspired me and I feel uplifted!!!! I actually refer to your blog to help me with other stuff through you I feel I am healing , thank you. I even listened to Tara brach

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  7. Thank you, thank you! I now have your book and Jason Vale's on kindle, am going to an awesome counsellor, and the big one...have just emailed my daughters to tell them I am making steps to change. There will be plenty of tears but hopefully a positive outcome. All the best for your party tomorrow, you and your hubby are incredible

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  8. I am really enjoying reading your blog. Watching your story last week was like a parallel of my life. You have given me new hope that I might just be able to tame the monster inside of my head. Six days happy and sober and a week of really feeling the feelings.

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    1. Good work, 6 days for me too, and loving not waking up to another regretful shameful morning. Have been to supermarket three times, no desire to grab a bottle, sleeping heaps better and longer and yes a definite de-bloating. Taking it day by day.

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    2. Sounds very much like my week. I never realised how much I have been using alcohol to numb my thoughts and feelings. The fog is lifting and I must admit I have felt pretty emotional these last few days. Hopefully this will even out over time.

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    3. Wow, snap , I have been 5 days without, been to supermarket been out to dinner, sleeping better and longer and yes seem to be de-bloating, but perhaps that 2 steps forward and 1 back, but at least it forward. Well done to all of us.

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    4. Hi Anonymous 10.40pm; Why is what you're doing 2 steps forward and 1 back? Sounds like your 'just' moving forward, just like me (anonymous 7.20pm), step by step, day by day. I have been waking with headaches but figure I'm not drinking enough.....water that is, without alcohol in the system the liver is saying yahoo, now I can get rid of some of these other toxins that have been lying around. Have placed jug of water on bench (with limes) and will endeavour to devour during the day. Its great knowing there are others out there on the same road. One maybe stupid question.....I don't want to be anonymous to my fellow bloggers anymore, which profile selection do I take to give myself an identifiable name? (Name/URL, OpenID, blaa blaa blaa?). Love reading everyones journey and hope you Mrs D had a great night.

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    5. I set up a private name on google plus...or was it on blogger actually? Day 3 for me. Feels brilliant. Was offered r3d wine and beer last night. Beer was easy to decline but that red sat on the bench burning a hole in my brain! This new website of mrs d's will be so good for chats. So we can stop filling up her lovely blog with ugly red boxes!!

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    6. Days seven for me. I have enjoyed going to bed soba and also waking up fresh and not hungover. My husband had been having his bottle of wine each night while I have been sipping my elderberry soda. It's not been easy as I usually would have a bottle each night also. I have been de bloatingalso but have been snacking at night on litlittle treats trying to stop feeling deprived. Ive had a few incidences of heart palpitations snd very anxious tumny in the late afternoons and early evenings but just have to push thru. This blog has really been helping though. Thank everyone.

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  9. Oh Mrs D this is just SOOO cool :) Hope you're having the most amazing party right now (it's 8.23am Fri morning here in the UK) xx

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  10. Congrads have fun. Went for a walk and brought your book. Looking forward to diving into it instead of diving into a bottle of wine. Good sober day was happy happy on fresh air.

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  11. Have a wonderful party You so deserve it Got your book on order Looking forward to reading it and being part of the community as I enjoy my first wine free Friday for a very long time Love PG

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  12. Can't wait for the website...very exciting and just what we need.

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    1. Yes me too, looking forward to website. Congratulations.

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  13. Go Mrs D!! Enjoy your party. Be fabulous :) xxx

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  14. So after wanting to watch your story on Sunday I chicken out and now have only just finished watching it online, all while finishing a bottle of wine...

    I know there is a problem

    I justify my actions to my partner

    I look forward to him getting tired and going to bed - not because I don't love him but so I can relax into my binge.

    I am a highly successful working Mum earning over 90K in a corporate environment, never stopped studying, Mum to one, step Mum to another, involved in all sorts, full on and an active relaxer, cant sit still, OCD, introvert in an extrovert world. Thats me.

    I used to hate wine!

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    1. You are an amazing overachiever in a world that hardly functions...why? Because of your huge loving heart...be proud sister...u rock

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    2. Hey there, I think we too often under-value all the things we do or acknowledge just how much we are try to cram into our lives AND then our expectation to succeed at everything.

      Family, financial, friend expectations are huge and there is often little time for us. I know the feeling of waiting for my family to go to bed so I could have some quiet time and yes just binge.

      Recognition and admission is the start, first step forward, I'm on Day 7, come join us.

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  15. Ok..I am so wonderfully functional...so adept...so scared. You've done so well...sister, well done. The thing is the pain that I am trying to cover is global. Our children. Grandchildren. Maui dolphins.Iraq. Obama. Solar Power. Conspiracy.So..I am not saying, I could not have been stronger..

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  16. You will shine! I'll be there in spirit, raising a mocktail in celebration with you.

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  17. Mrs. D, you were one of the first people who reached out to me and my ONLY follower on grannygetssober.blogspot.ca and for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. It's actions like 'following' a Newbie like myself and encouraging us all to be the best we can be; not a shadow of ourselves, that make you the woman we all admire. Have mocktail for me!! Can't wait to read the book. Deb xoxo

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  18. You are such an inspiration! I am ashamed of some of the states I have got myself into drinking alcohol. Some my kids have witnessed! ! (I'm so so ashamed of myself). However, I am the one that can make the change and thats what I'm doing. Since your story went to air I have not had a drop of alcohol to drink. I FEEL FABULOUS!! The funny thing is I feel really calm about not drinking. From now on Mrs F is going without. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

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    1. Wow, well done, I too!!! And yes I understand that sense of calm, its strange I thought Id be way more agitated. Maybe some of the knockers out there might say its early days yet, but Im feeling great. Keep up the good work, and yes Mrs D story brought the urban secret out into the open, thank you.

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  19. 5 days without now and feeling great. I too have the Calm feeling and sleeping like a log! My grown up daughter coming to stay tonight. We usually relax and drink and drink ... This will be a challenge but I'm sure she will be very proud of me when I tell her about being sober. I am surprised that I haven't had any physical symptoms of withdrawl from alcohol ( or are they still to come?) Everything I have read said that I would get the shakes, sweating headaches etc and I've had none! Anyone else surprised by this?
    Have an awesome book launch Lotta! The e version on my iPad is great! Can't wait till the new website as well ! Take care everyone out there xxxxx

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    1. A long time overdueJune 28, 2014 at 9:37 PM

      Same as you. Definitely side effects. GRUMPY, that is the denial side of the brain dominating because I would kill for a drink I am just sick of being sick with it. Headache, seedy but sober. Trusting it will get better and need to retrain brain as Mrs D has.

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    2. I feel the same today. Im feeling shitty and pissed off with my husband. He continues to have his bottle of wine every night but tonight for some reason I just feel angry! Angry that he won't support me and not drink wine as he drinks beer and spirits too. And to be honest annoyed that I can't sit on the couch tonight and have that mind numb and escape that I am used to. I really want to do this but today is a hard day.

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    3. I hope u made it thru, and yes u shld b pissed off with him. U go girl and keep strong. Concentrate on the morning after....focus.....That is wake him up reeaeally early make a shit load of noise, hide the panadol, and spike his coffee with curdled milk. Im here for you, keep up the gd work

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  20. Well done Mrs D you deserve a party. I am on my 6th day of a blog I set up after seeing you on Sunday. Followers and comments would be awesome as I can see how people can support each other mrsstryingtobesober.blogspot.com. Go you xx Cherie

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  21. Help! I'm on day 7 and after a successful week where I haven't even thought about alcohol now it's all I can think about. It goes like this. ..work hard all week and today cleaning and picking up after everyone. Now I'm sitting down in front of the fire and having a red wine as my reward for my hard work is all I can think about :( feel very much like I'm going to give in :( I don't know how to stop these thoughts - can anyone offer me advice?

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    1. A long time overdueJune 28, 2014 at 9:30 PM

      No advice whatsoever, having exactly the same battle! Just get back on the wagon tomorrow and don't torture yourself with regret! If you are anything like me 7 days is a bloody good start. Make it 8 next week.

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    2. Hey there, me too, day 7 and I've dealt with things well so far. Been in and out of the supermarket, no problems whatsoever, then tonight was thinking OMG it would be nice to sit down and have a glass. Went to a friends for quick dinner then had to fight the urge to pull into a liquor shop on the way home, and soon as I passed the urge subsided. Got home and made myself a fresh carrot and apple juice instead (actually really helped), and if I'm gona detox may as well do it with healthy options. My biggest focus is the next day, waking up NOT pissed off with myself, ashamed or guilty. That is what is keeping me focused. DONT GIVE IN. Eat something disgusting like rotting milk (block your nose) I bet that will distract you (tho not a healthy option). Stay strong, keep reading and writing.

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    3. I didn't give in and enjoyed waking up hangover free this morning. Thanks for your encouraging words :)

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    4. Whoop whoop, well done, yes managed another night myself, so thankful this morning. Thinking good girl then tonight not more then an hr ago had to go into supermarket, stood in the wine aisle and thought I wonder if I got a bottle I could have just one glass? Of course I know the answer. Said no, walked past and headed home for another carrot and apple. Watching Sunday, are you?

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    5. Well done! Yed that's the clincher isn't it - I can't stop at one glass either which is so very annoying but that's just the way it is for me. You must feel great for walking away. No Sunday tonight, just chilling out and thinking about how much I have achieved this weekend. Next job is to figure out how to create a blog name so I don't have to be a no one haha.

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    6. Haha took me a bit too. Needed to find a name that sent me a msg. Sunday interestg, about liver damage etc. Worth a watch. Day 9 tmrw.

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  22. Hi there, I'm 4 months sober and taped your interview so I could watch it tonight and thank goodness I did! Today I be nearly drank, I went to a drinks and nibbles party and had a dose of the poor me's , looking around at all the drinkers & me with my oj... I did get through but seeing your honesty tonight has reinforced my decision that I'm doing the right thing for me firstly and my children next. Great to have a support network!!! Good on u for being so courageous , Tracey :)

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  23. I feel so pleased for your success. You have touched a lot of people and been a great support. I have found it so helpful to know that I'm not alone with my feelngs - there are lots of you out there experiencing so many of the same emotions as I am. Day 62 for me and I feel amazing. Something inside me has clicked and I'm not even tempted to let myself down by going back to my boozy ways. The changes are dramatically positive. I found you Mrs D, just when I needed to know that I'm not so different as I thought I was and that support has been such a blessing. Have a wonderful launch party. Today I went to a BBQ where most people were drinking and I happily sipped my lemonade. It is so good to feel like I'm in control. I don't want to go back - NOT EVER. To anyone who is reading this, keep on keeping on......

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    1. Thanks for your encouragement! Dsy seven and I'm having a dose of the angries!! Watching my husband drink glass after glass of wine makers me angry and jealous even tho I know I beed to do this. Strange hide I felt amazing this morning and now I feel anxious and angry. I can't wait to get to your stage. I hope I do!

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  24. Hi Mrs D

    Congratulations on your book; I've just finished it and it's really good.

    I don't have a drinking problem/issue with alcohol (although I enjoy a drink) but you have motivated me to do Dry July this year :)

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  25. Thank you for sharing your story. It is me in every way. I have been hiding behind the "I will stop when I have kids excuse", you have shown me that a deferred problem is not a problem solved. I am reading your book and visiting other blogs in your reading list. I have decided that instead of lurking in the wings I will be an active member of this sober blogging community as I need another tool to keep me on track. I am at day 7, early days I know but I want to let you know how many times a your story has popped into my head over the last week through cravings and challenges and made it that little bit easier. Thank you!

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    1. Had a slip up last night when my daughter came to stay but wasn't too bad. I went 5 days which is good for me. Back on oj tonight and will not drink for as long as I can. Maybe I should just drink a couple of glasses one night a week? Is that the sly fox or is it possible? Advice anyone? MLS

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  26. Mrs D I am so enjoying your book! I am just coming to the end of another First since giving up drinking almost 2 months ago- a weekend away with my husband for his 60th and also our wedding anniversary. Highlight a 5 course dinner on a steam train. I ummed and ahhed about whether to have one glass of bubbly and didn't in the end. It means I come to the end of this lovely weekend with no fuzzy edges, having fully enjoyed every minute. We just need to be brave enough to try this other way of living to realise that we Do Not Need Alcohol to celebrate!

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  27. Admire you so much - Been reading your blog for ages but I'm still in the other place with the wine. Your TV interview was fantastic and now that I've seen you in the flesh (so to speak) you have touched me even more and I realise that I'm not alone and there are many others out there just like me. Have fun at the launch.vv

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  28. I avoided watching the Sunday program because I knew it would embarrass me in front of my husband. I know I have a problem, I have 3 children and have created a successful business but I still feel like a total failure. I had the usual headache this morning and decided to finally watch your story. There were tears (I don't cry) & I know I need to stop, I'm just not sure how I let go of my best friend.

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    1. Hi Anonymous, just think baby steps- one evening without drink maybe, tiny bit at a time. The thinking about it is worse than the actual doing it. You are allowed to fail and try again. Try reading the Alan Carr book. Alcohol is Not your best friend! Good luck. X

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  29. I'm really trying from today. I live 12 kms from nearest booze supply, petrol went up, I'm staying home all day, but go to town tomorrow for work, got to pass all the booze suppliers (must go in to one for groceries). West Auckland supermarkets don't sell booze.... Boy do I moan when I visit Auckland to stay with the kids. " you are so backward here out west. No wine in supermarkets".... Good on them I now say, although the supermarkets didn't decide, the people did ......Thought about buying your book Mrs D... "No I only buy second hand books. New books are too expensive" How selfish and stupid is that?? How much do I spend on wine a week?? :( :( don't add it up.......Visiting the bookshop tomorrow.. Lets hope my small town has it......... Can I do it?

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  30. Well. I've read Mrs D's blog from beginning to end. Seen the Sunday programme and read all the responses.
    It's made me feel massive amounts of hope - and also strength and even excitement. (How can you not with the huge amounts of positive talk about sobriety!!)
    I really don't want this to be a long and boring post but it does feel good to be honest doesn't it?
    I'm turning 36 next week. I have a long history with alcohol abuse but a lot of it is secret. I can't deny I still have the question in my head about whether or not I am an alcoholic . . . and this is stupid. Reason being is that I really have ruined my life to date because of addiction. I had a wonderful, close group of friends throughout my 20s but gradually that has ebbed away through my own doing because wine was a lot more important. I guess this sounds a little different as a lot of people have kids, husbands / wives etc and I am on my own to be as secretive as I like.
    Yes I do hold down a job and have advanced throughout this career (and scarily the line of work is Mental Health & Addiction). I've seen it all - the incredibly sad, destructive other end - and yet still have my own secret battle.
    I guess I'm just trying to get my head around having a lifetime of no alcohol. I'm currently doing Dry July and failing about every second day (I make myself feel better that I have had alcohol free days and that's the first in many years).

    I am going to admit something which I am ashamed of - but I'm clearly one of those people who gets brave under the 'anon' cover. OK . . . here goes . . I don't want to do the 12 steps. I get it isn't religious if you don't want it to be. I do however think some people (ok - me) identify with AA as having such a stigma from long ago . . although AA has saved MANY lives and I want to acknowledge that.
    Thanks for reading. :)
    Kelly




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