I think there are three main things that us sober people have inside that got us to stop, things which are keeping us dry.
1) A belief that change is possible. Believe it. It is.
2) A real desire to stop. We just do not want to drink alcohol any more and will put up anything to stick to that.
3) An ability and willingness to deal with shit raw.
It's this dealing with shit thing that will really test you. Parties etc become much easier to deal with sober. If it's a good party, warm with lovely people, fun and giggly, with great music or awesome displays, excellent chats or delicious food... you will have a great time regardless of the fact you're not drinking. Trust me. Probably not the first few you go to sober because you'll feel very strange and obsessed with the fact you're not drinking, and flat and odd and just out-of sorts. But after a few when you get used to it they're totally fine!
And don't get me started on the feeling you have when you wake up the day after having stayed sober throughout.......
This is not - by the way - true if the party is just a dumb party full of dickheads or bores or really trashed people. That party will never be fun, and even if you're one of the trashed people you probably won't look back on it as being super-fun.
No, I think the biggest trial in choosing to live sober is deciding that no-matter what shit comes at you, you will tough it through raw. That shit might come on day 5, or day 55, or day 555. But once you decide to live sober then that's what you are committing to do forever more - deal with shit raw baby.
The more I live sober the more I realise how in the long run that is a way better way to live, rather than numbing constantly like I did with wine. It doesn't make the tough time any easier at the time, but it so improves your long-term feelings looking back.
But I'm also working on accepting that there are those who don't want to deal with shit raw, that's why they continue to drink, and that's their choice and their right. What I choose for my life isn't what everyone wants. And I can only focus on me, as others lives are their business. This would be a hard position to take if I was living with a heavy boozer and I do so feel for you folk that are. Check out this post from Mr SponsorPants - very helpful in this regard I would think.
Love, Mrs D xxx
"The more I live sober the more I realise how in the long run that is a way better way to live, rather than numbing constantly like I did with wine. It doesn't make the tough time any easier at the time, but it so improves your long-term feelings looking back." Love this. So true. I will check out Mr. Sponsorpants link, as I am one of those who lives with a big boozer!
ReplyDeleteXO
I feel warm all over when I see that you updated and I get to read more of your goodness.
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs D, when I have to deal with shit raw now, I keep reminding myself I was dealing with worse shit every day when I was waking up with a hangover, full of remorse and self loathing, and with enough negative material to hate and berate myself all day until wine o'clock!
ReplyDeleteI think that was probably the worst shit of all. Anything else that happens is much easier to take on the chin when I'm feeling proud of myself and healthy.
XX Anon from Wellington.
Loved reading this...not looking forward to the "raw shit" but know I will have to arm myself for it. Have a great one :)
ReplyDeleteParties are still tough for me, after 22 months. My old friends don't invite me anymore, unsure, no doubt, of the etiquette in this kind of situation. As someone who likes to isolate, i don't tell them they can invite me without worrying it'll be interpreted as an invitation to drink.
ReplyDeleteWhat is rawer? Dealing with what we actually feel or trying to hide and repress what we actually feel. I'd take the former any day, even though the latter is often more tempting!
ReplyDeleteLove your work!
Love this post! Keeping shit real is a MUST for my sobriety. If I start giving in to any delusions that I have in my head then I am screwed, period. A lot of people just aren't ready to be able to do that yet and I hate seeing that but I'm thankful that I am on most days able to see what is REAL and know the truth from the false. Things that I used to not be able to do. Sobriety is a roller coaster but SO much better than the alternative!
ReplyDeleteI was just thinking of another thing we probably all have in common just like our recycling bin issues....how many of us would alternate where we buy our alcohol? I used to spend alot of time thinking about when I got wine from this store last, or that store. And I would chatter non-stop about stupid stuff when I would be purchasing my wine because I was trying to look like a normie and not an alcoholic. So glad I don't have to worry about any of that anymore! Whew!
ReplyDeleteAnd I feel sad for anyone who is not getting invites to parties (like the post above) because we are now sober. I just don't understand that. I have dear friend who is going through that...she goes to AA and is so good about it. Says its normal for people to pull away. I think that stinks because whether or not you drink, you are still YOU! That is a tough one...hopefully in time the invites will start rolling in again. In the meantime, stay strong!!! You always have our group here!!
Thanks Mrs D...I'm almost current now!!!! You better keep blogging! :)