I had a very intense pang the other night. I had my head in the pantry looking for inspiration for what to cook for dinner and there was a bottle of red wine - Mr D's - sitting at the back, just sitting there all innocent (inviting) and I suddenly got hit with this really strong thought: 'I could just take a sip right here with my head inside this cupboard, take a sip and no-one would ever know'. I was so tempted almost to the point of extending my arm and picking it up to do it. It was intense. Like I was seriously tempted. I was tucked away inside the pantry and the kitchen was empty and it all just seemed so easy.
The Beast is Still Within. But I walked away. Fuck the Beast.
Mr D's wine glasses have been winking at me for the past few days. It's emotional. It's all emotional.
Probably no surprise then that I've had some bad sugar binges, I don't think eating Nestle White Choc Bites straight from the packet like I have been for the past half hour is best practice.
I'm just right at the end now of my MA (boring boring to be still going on about this but what can I do? It's a bloody intense process and it's impossible to minimise) and there are a million emotions swirling around - I feel flat, proud, happy, fucking exhausted, bit lost, all mixed in to one, and my self-care has been suffering over the last two months of putting this baby to bed.
I think it'll be really good after next week when it is finally printed and bound and couriered off to the University and I return all my library books and tidy away all my notes and move on.
Moving on entails...
* Getting back to the gym.
* Trying lots of new recipes.
* Watching crap TV.
* Tidy up the garden.
* Read lovely novels about love and life and NOT academic texts...
Anyone got any good novel recommendations?
Love, Mrs D xxx