If I have to deal with a major disappointment and feel like a glass or two of wine would be nice to comfort myself and commiserate there's nofuckingway I'm going to have one, even if it means going to bed and eating five chocolate biscuits instead.
If I feel like a bit of a sad boring loser at a party because I'm finding everyone else's crazy boozy talk completely unfunny and stupid then so be it. So. Be. It.
If I have to have new people judge me and wonder about my drinking past and form negative opinions about me based on my sobriety then so what.
If someone close to me dies and someone tries to give me a whiskey while I'm deep in my grief I'll scream through my tears 'I DONT' TOUCH THAT STUFF DON'T GIVE IT TO ME!!!'.
If I have to stay self obsessed in order to stay on top of my emotional states and keep myself from taking the easy way out and numbing myself with wine then self obsession it is.
I choose sober self obsession over boozy sloppy misery.
I choose raw and vulnerable over breezy and false.
I choose sober over drunk.
I choose it. I do. Me. This is my life and if I choose not to touch alcohol ever again then I won't touch alcohol ever again. I have no-one to fear but myself. I don't fear myself. I trust myself.
Call this determination. Call it grim reality. Call it sad and boring, call it brave and amazing. Call it what you like. I don't mind. I'll just be over here staying sober for the rest of the days of my life.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Ditto for me! It is sometimes sad and boring and, again, brave and amazing. It doesn't matter what it is at any certain time, I'm still not drinking. Everyone always wants to know "How did you quit?" and the secret is, you just quit. Whether the sun shines, the wind blows, you're lonely or you're happy, or it's Uncle Bob's 100th birthday, or your pet iguana dies, or the tap starts running Jack Daniels...Sometimes I'm sublimely joyful and proud in my recovery, then sometimes I'm supremely pissed off and deprived. It doesn't matter.
ReplyDeleteI DON"T DRINK!!!!
I have just discovered this blog. I too am trying my best to get alcohol out of my life. I was 11 days alcohol free, thought I was great, had it mastered then proceeded to tell myself I was entitled to drink a bottle of red wine on a Saturday night. I could not stop. I ended up drinking a full bottle and 4 quater bottles. I felt like I was going to die all day Sunday. I was also pissed off because now I was back to square one (day 1).
ReplyDeleteI think I have learned a valuable lesson. One bottle of wine is not enough so I just cannot even contemplate one glass of wine. Instead of saying that I am now on day 6, I am telling myself I am 16 days sober out of 17. Sounds much better to me.
Reading these sobriety blogs are a fantastic help. Knowing I am anonymous but not alone is something that keeps me going.
Thanks Mrs D
Go for it Mrs D - hope you can hear me cheering for you here on the west coast - Indian Ocean way.
ReplyDeleteFuck YEAH!!!!!
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I call it beautiful...just like you.
ReplyDeleteSherry
Fab! Put like that I might just have to give this forever thing a go! Sounds like a no brainer!!
ReplyDeleteDamn straight.
ReplyDeleteTestify!!
Paul
Nicely said...almost 3 weeks in. I need to print this and have it as my anthem...especially during times like now when I am feeling sorry for myself. Its so much better to feel sorry for "missing out" than not missing out and feeling terrible about myself.
ReplyDeleteBeen reading you for quite some time.
Thank you for your words.
Absolutely love this post. Just what I needed to read x
ReplyDeleteAmazing amazing post and awesome comment by Kary May to follow it up! And then to Michelle a few comments above...I can totally relate as I was the same. I tried and tried and tried to moderate until I FINALLY THANKFULLY realized that like Mrs D and so many others....I just can't moderate. So...the only choice is complete riddance of my beloved wine. But....like Mrs D and our wonderful community here, we are alllllll so much happier to be rid of it. As much as we loved our 'drink of choice' I think we all agree, feeling sober and clear headed is sooooo much better.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mrs D for another great uplifting post. This is Memorial Day weekend...always a good excuse to drink more than usual...but not this year or any year after this. And I am so very thankful for that!!! Thanks Mrs D, I needed this pep talk!!!
The first thing my sponsor ever did for me was insist so much that it was ingrained in my brain like a tattoo, "I DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT". This was my mantra for the whole first chunk of my sobriety and still lies at its foundation.
ReplyDeleteYou've made the right decision, babe!
You are absolutely correct - I said that same thing more than 29 years ago and I have not had to have a drink since. As I stated here before, I had the wee bit of clarity at the onset that I could NEVER allow myself the option to drink again. You hear a lot of mumbling in recovery circles that you "can do it just for today"...not for me.
ReplyDeleteThe Ten Commandments.
ReplyDeleteNice job Mrs. D.
For those of you who just started on your journey, you might not relate to all of these yet. But you will....
Greetings from New Jersey. Still going strong since Oct 1, 2012.
Hey GFNJ ^^^^, Oct 1, 2012...that's MY date too! Looks like TWO of us made the best decisions of our lives on that day!!! Congrats!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear that we have the same day too Other Mrs. D. I hope we both keep living this way forever.
DeleteYou should really consider writing a book. Really, seriously, truly. I've been reading lots of blogs and yours speaks to me/to my soul. Thanks for being brave and putting it all out there. You're a blessing.
ReplyDelete