You have good ones, you have bad ones. You have fun ones, you have flat ones. It would be a lie to say sober events are always great. Sometimes they're shit. I've had sober weddings that were so awesome I danced for hours and felt on a natural high for days! I've also had sober weddings where I felt a bit flat and disjointed and like a bit of a boring loser. I've had sober dinner parties where I laughed so much my cheeks ached, and others where I felt quite removed from the jokes and like I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed.
I've been to parties where I was so nervous to be sober I chain smoked cigarettes all night, ones where I raced around fetching other people drinks like a weirdo, ones where I fixed a false smile on my face and had no fun at all, and ones where the fact I wasn't drinking was totally irrelevant and I had great chats with great people.
Sober events rise or fall on a peculiar convergence of factors; my mood, my outfit, the crowd, the vibe, the location, the music, the atmosphere, the food, my energy levels. I've learned that just because the last event I did sober was great doesn't mean the next one will be. Nor will the last sober event being shit mean the next one will be.
Sometimes they're just not great, and I wake up in the morning feeling flat like it was only really a 75% night and then the "is it because I'm a boring sober person now?" thoughts creep in. Then other times I wake up feeling like the night before was 150% fun and "get me I'm the coolest sober chick in the world, who needs booze!!!!!!!!".
(Driving home is always great whether the event was boring or fabulous. That fact remains the same. Oh how I love driving home.)
So if you have a shit sober event don't think you need to drink to make the next one more fun. It's not about the drink, it's about all those other factors. I don't think any amount of booze in the world is going to make a boring party more fun. It's just going to make me drunk at a boring party.
Love, Mrs D xxx
Hi Mrs. D! Yep, just like life, we have good days and bad days and a lot of in-between days. And, haha, I too love driving home at the end of a long day or night, but even more so, I love driving home *sober*, and I love waking up with a clear-head and no groggy icky hangover.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you've stuck around! Take some time away when you need, we're all still here. We all go through a little burn-out from time to time--totally normal!
Big hugs to my favorite kooky kiwi!
Christy
I love this perspective Mrs D. I'm really pushing myself into social situations, because I know that I NEED to connect with people. Sometimes it goes well, sometimes it is crappy. It's hard for me to pinpoint why. A lot of the situations wouldn't involve drinking even if I still did. I guess you are right in that a lot of things play into if we have a good time or not. I suppose I need to just accept that no matter what, at least I am facing my fears and remaining sober :)
ReplyDeleteYou know, if I look back and I'm brutally honest, I realize that all those "good" times I had when I was drinking were just me trying to get back to those first couple of drinking events when I actually had fun. The rest were just reasonable facsimiles at best - most of the time they weren't really any fun at all. That's the ones I remember anyway.
ReplyDeleteAt least the sober events are REAL. Like you said, some are flat, some are fun, some are a riot and some are just plain "get me the fuck out of here" boring. But at least I remember what everyone said, what everyone did, and most importantly, what I said and did. I love that.
I also love driving home. Nothing like it.
But my most absolute, all time favorite is washing my face, putting on my comfy pj's and snuggling down in my even more comfy bed where I will fall into a deep, uninterrupted sleep.
You are so wise my friend. Never stop writing.
Sherry
Hi! I just nominated you for a "Shine On" award! To accept and participate go here:http://lifecorked.com/2013/05/08/paying-it-forward/. Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteAh I agree with so much of this. I'm finding some events fun, some boring, some just the same as the were before I stopped drinking. But it is nice not having to worry about how much wine I can have without attracting attention...
ReplyDeleteDitto to everything you said, especially the driving home part. Brilliant!
ReplyDeletei'm still not comfortable in social situations while sober, but i'm getting better. Last week i went out to lunch with some of the 'fellows' and it was easier than i'd expected.
ReplyDeleteAnd you, my friend, are far from anything close to boring!
I think this is one of the bigger problems for some people, they think it can liven up the event and let them have fun.
ReplyDeleteDitto from above...NEVER stop writing! You have a gift!!!
ReplyDelete