Getting sober is all about white knuckling your way through a period of cravings... resisting urges... identifying addictive thoughts ('I deserve a wine today' actually means 'I need alcohol to feed my addiction')...dealing with *shock horror!* emotions! (holy shit I feel grumpy what do you mean I just have to feel grumpy and not drink alcohol to smooth the feeling away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)...spend a bit of time feeling boring.. then a bit of time realising you're not boring.. then realise that drunk people are boring.. then realise that not everyone else gets drunk all the time... then accept that there are drunks and normies and sober people and you just fit in the middle of a big spectrum of drinking types and it doesn't really matter anyway...
Then you start living sober..
Living sober means having an overall underlying state of calm.. interrupted by phases of emotion that are annoying but manageable.
Living sober means realising that phases of negative, tricky or uncomfortable emotion come along and are annoying.. but that they pass...they come.. and they go..
Living sober means every time you get through a tricky phase sober and wait for it to pass...you feel good about that. You feel great in fact. Great in a low-key, lovely, normal, stable, reliable, respectable way.
Living sober means you start figuring out the other little things that make you feel good about yourself and your life. The really little things. Like enjoying a hot shower.. or drinking a hot drink and really appreciating that hot drink and the way the steam rises off the cup and wafts up into the sunlight. For me it means playing cheesy pop music loudly (still addicted to 'Get Lucky' and another new fave is 'Good Morning' by Chamillionaire).. lighting little candles and popping them in my oil burner to make the house smell lovely.. getting a ton of new cookbooks out of the library and reading them in bed while watching The Voice and eating chocolate biscuits and drinking green tea.
In unrelated news I'm getting my thesis result next week - yikes! Nervous! Can't see how my life is going to change the day before the result and the day after but hopefully if nothing else I'll get some kind of kick out of the fact that I've got a Masters Degree. Will need to celebrate with a lovely mocktail of some description and maybe a new dress. Yes! A thesis dress. Great idea.
Love, Mrs D xxx