I love it how this happens!! The clouds have cleared in my foggy mind.. and the sun is shining once again. I could tell when I woke this morning that my 'gritty' phase had passed and I was feeling more optimistic... so I tweeted with bleary eyes from my bed (as you do when you're a strange person like me who has decided to share their sobriety journey with the online world) "...things I have learned: hold on (don't drink), wait wait wait and the sun will shine again." Got a couple of lovely responses from fellow twerps. One guy in London said "Grind it out Mrs D...drinking is for the masses of sheep.. ba ba ba sober is cool" I love that! Sober is cool. All the cool people are sober, don't you know that??!!
The gritty phase last week involved a bit of defensiveness on my blog... a few tears at my sisters kitchen table ("sob sob I know I mostly make it look easy sniff sniff but it's not always...sob sob... it's not sob sob").. some drinking pangs and pangs of woe-is-me..some extra sugar consumption.. and some general grumpiness and introspection..
But I did still manage to drag my ass to the gym three times, make a nice green juice most days (celery, cucumber, spinach, apple, lemon & ginger root), potter around my community.. even dropped the A word once is was my new resolution...! (that's 'alcoholic' and the friend I said it to didn't make a big deal out of it.)
A sober friend in Paris emailed and wrote with regards to giving up alcohol "removing a compulsive, dangerous, time-consuming behaviour frees up heaps of life-force to do what you enjoy doing". I love his concept of "life-force"... and the realization he's had that getting sober meaning freeing up tons more of that. It's so true. I used to try, try, try to live life to the fullest but pouring copious amounts of wine down my gullet was always pulling me back. I feel much freer now to charge on ahead with nothing in my way.
Got a 40th birthday party this weekend and my lovely friend who is having it phoned me this afternoon to ask what non-alcoholic drinks I would like her to get in for me. How nice is that!! I said to her "one energy drink at the start of the night gives me a nice lift and after that nothing too sugary.. so lime and soda or some such".. we had a nice catch-up and ended the conversation with "see you on the dance floor!". Yes you will.
Still haven't got my thesis result so haven't had an excuse to buy a new frock but have made an appointment to get my nails done on Thursday and will make sure I wear my dancing shoes. Fun!
Love, Mrs D xxx