Sobriety is not. Sobriety is not grand gestures and exciting developments. Sobriety is all the little things.
It's the lovely conversations at the end of a party, the quiet cosy conversations that are real and memorable.
It's getting up at 10pm to rub a sick child's back and thanking your lucky stars that you're fully alert.
It's the delight in an empty recycling bin.
It's driving home at midnight. I love driving home so much.
It's hearing people talk about their own struggles and not inwardly running a mile, but listening, really listening.
It's that beautiful moment after you've stared down a drinking pang - resisted the urge to drink - and the pang has gone and you realise it was lying to you and you didn't want/need/deserve that drink after all. That is a truly beautiful sober moment.
It's sitting with an inner calm that blows like a warm breeze over your mind (ok, sometimes sobriety is like a vice grip on your thoughts but I'm trying to keep this positive!)
It's waiting, waiting for bad moods to pass, waiting for glum phases to end, waiting for the lightness to return. Knowing it always does, eventually.
It's really appreciating a hot cup of tea, noticing the steam as it rises. Or really appreciating a small sweet square of chocolate as it melts in your mouth.
It's looking in the mirror and knowing that whatever is looking back at you is real, not some blurry, distant mirage.
It's the underlying beauty of the knowledge that you are sober. You are not a drunk any more. You are sober. It's that little gold nugget of truth that you tuck away inside and nurture.
Love, Mrs D xxx
It's sitting with an inner calm that blows like a warm breeze over your mind (ok, sometimes sobriety is like a vice grip on your thoughts but I'm trying to keep this positive!)
It's waiting, waiting for bad moods to pass, waiting for glum phases to end, waiting for the lightness to return. Knowing it always does, eventually.
It's really appreciating a hot cup of tea, noticing the steam as it rises. Or really appreciating a small sweet square of chocolate as it melts in your mouth.
It's looking in the mirror and knowing that whatever is looking back at you is real, not some blurry, distant mirage.
It's the underlying beauty of the knowledge that you are sober. You are not a drunk any more. You are sober. It's that little gold nugget of truth that you tuck away inside and nurture.
Love, Mrs D xxx
And it's finding friends with which you connect on almost a molecular level because they know where you've been and what you're going through and loving them all the more for it.
ReplyDeleteEven if they live on the other side of the planet.
Love to you my friend. Beautiful post.
Sherry
Omg! Thank you for all the reminders of what sobriety is......I needed to hear them today!
ReplyDeleteXoxox
That is a very beautiful post and so true. I appreciate those small things everyday, especially truly being there for my son.
ReplyDeleteJust looking in the mirror... at the end of my drinking I couldn't look anyone in the eye, especially the arsehole who looked back at me from the mirror most days and who I thought "Who the hell have you become?"
ReplyDeleteI might look and think "How come I think I'm 22 and there is a 50 year old looking back" but at least I can look him in the eye these days.
Poetic, lovely, encouraging.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
O Mrs D, you make it sound very inviting . . . I'm gonna keep trying. I like the "staring down a pang" paragraph . . . I'm gonna come back tomorrow and re-read that (replacing the words drink with smoke). You really make sobriety/being clean sound like something so worth having, thankyou x
ReplyDeleteHi Mrs. D.
ReplyDeleteJust giving you a big, fat, public "what's up!"
My world is a better place whenever I read your posts.
11 months baby. It's a miracle.
It's waiting, waiting for bad moods to pass, waiting for glum phases to end, waiting for the lightness to return. Knowing it always does, eventually.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the reassurance that it will pass...
Jen
Love this post thank you, especially the gold nugget at the end. XX
ReplyDeleteWow. What a beautiful post! i used to think i'd miss the adventure, but now i realize what i thought was 'adventure' was in fact only 'drama' and my life is a lot better without that, thank you very much!
ReplyDeleteI still love love love my recycling bin now! God it was a disgrace before, we must have looked like we were having a party every night, which of course I was, sad old party for one!
ReplyDeleteAnd appreciating the little things, like sober laughter, I can't get enough of that.
Lovely stuff (except for the chocolate reference which is making me hungry!)
I absolutely love this list! Thanks Mrs. D!
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely list, and so helpful! I'm still just getting bits of this. It's all new to me, and it's good to be reminded just how being sober is worth the work. Thanks, Mrs D!
ReplyDelete"It's driving home at midnight. I love driving home so much."
ReplyDeleteYES!!!! :-)
Driving others home as well sometimes now too, hehe.
I love this post. I've had some tough spots the past few weeks and all those little things you mention are a big part of what keeps me going.
I'm also very appreciative of the support I get from the online blogging community that I have become part of.
Friends. Even online ones, can really help!
I have emailed you a few times but have never gotten a response. I do not know if email does not work or if you do not have time. I want so much what you have. It sounds perfectly lovely :)
ReplyDeleteHi Traci - II haven't received an email from you?! I always respond to direct emails.. I've just sent you one myself so we can connect directly. xx
DeleteAmen! No matter what, it feels amazing to be present all the time. To know who I am, and to be in control of myself. It feels good to wake up sober everyday, it's something I can always be proud of. My kids and husband can count on me and trust me. That alone is priceless.
ReplyDeleteThis is really nice inspiration, Mrs D. I have been sober for 20 days and am looking forward to more and more benefits as time goes on. Actually, I am already experiencing a lot of the benefits, and am just waiting patiently for the negative addict voice in my head to die down a bit. It is hard right now, but reading things like this definitely helps, so thank you. :)
ReplyDelete