Spent a good portion of this afternoon glued to my computer screen watching riveting videos on two great new local websites I've only just found out about.
www.likeadrink.org.nz and www.drughelp.org.nz is what they are.. there are probably versions of this type of site in countries all over the world, and I'm sure all of the experts behind them know that the most powerful way to get messages across is to use real people talking about their real experiences.
And oh boy.. what a bunch of experiences these sites contain. Person after brave person sitting there in front of the camera just talking about their using and what it did to their lives.. how they used to exist.. how crazy their lives got.. how bad and dangerous and miserable and shitty their lives got.
Mostly they seem to have gotten clean but there was the odd person that sounded like they were still using occasionally. Plus some people talking from a partners perspective. It was all very powerful stuff. I couldn't stop watching even though I'd decided to treat myself to some Keeping Up With The Kardashians until I had to collect the kids.
I was waiting for one of these people in the web videos to tell a story like mine - how they were a quietly secretly boozy housewife or bloke, a high functioning addict, seemingly fine from the outside but in reality not fine at all, just sinking loads too much piss all the time - but there weren't any 'high bottom' stories that I saw anyway.. but lots of 'to hell and back rock bottom' stories (if you know what I mean).
There must be thousands of people like me who were totally addicted but pulled the pin before the shit really hit the fan.. and I'm convinced there are thousands of people who are right now still locked in a private, miserable drinking hell like I was. It'd be great to reach out to those people and let them know that it is entirely possible to live a fun, full life without alcohol in it.
My biggest fear two years ago was that giving up booze would mean life would be boring all the time. And it's not. It's totally fine. Better than fine even. That's what I've discovered anyway.
Love, Mrs D xxx
How very interesting, never heard of these sites. I need to check them out, thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteI agree, life is just fine and somtimes absolutely marvelous - being sober :)
Take care, dear D! *hugs*
There are plenty of high bottom drunk stories. I'm one. I was a functioning drunk for 20 years, director in a large firm, big salary, nice house I owned outright, two kids, wife, two newish cars on the drive, money in the bank etc.
ReplyDeleteBut every day I drank to cope, I really was a frightened boy in an adults body. I stopped via rehab, kept the wife, family, house, job etc. I know many similar people, my sponsor was a successful businessman when he quit he kept it all too.
The escalator of addiction has plenty of places you can get off if you chose to.
I quit on my own , no rehab , no AA been fine coming up to 3 years . I was
ReplyDeleteDrinking every day knew I was in trouble and was terrified .
I prob should have gone to rehab but I am doing great.
I would get home rom work and drink until bedtime - ugh ...was stuck in a job I no longer liked ....
Since quitting I have totally charged careers , much much happier
Love you mrs d - keep it up , I love your blog
It took me a while to figure out that it is possible to have a great life without booze! It's not boring unless you make it boring. There are so many ways to make our lives interesting without being smashed!
ReplyDeleteLove your post!
Jen Day 7! One week! Yay! and I feel fan-bloody-tastic!!
Thanks for all your support Mrs. D!
Dear Mrs D,
ReplyDeleteYour story draws me in. You give me real insight into what you lived through, helping me understand others. I'm most impressed that you have learnt that unlocking the numbing, by stopping drinking, has been hard but very worthwhile. There is a poignancy and a humour in your writing that make you so very easy to read. You have something special in how you put your words together and I'm so glad you're writing publicly.
My best best best wishes from the Alps,
Ali
(PS Havent forgotten I'm going to pull the best quotes out of Brene for you! - not forgotten)
I also find there are not many public stories of people who drank too much and then chucked it without having big dramatic fall-on-face moments. I guess that's where the drama is. But that's one thing I really like about your blog: it was one of the first places I heard someone talking about the kind of drinking problem I have. I seemed OK but wasn't. And still, there are very few people I can talk to about drinking because most people will say that I wasn't that bad. You're right, hearing the stories of real people is powerful. And I think a wider range of stories needs to be represented, so people who have drink problems can see themselves in the story and see that here's another way, a good way, instead of just feeling relieved and saying, Oh good, I haven't lost my spouse/kids/job/whatever so I must be OK..glug glug.... Big thanks to you, Mrs D, for being one of those voices for me and for lots of other people, too!
ReplyDeleteHave you read some of the stories on soberistas.com? There are some high bottom stories on there - really interesting accounts of people who looked fine from the outside.
ReplyDeleteTomorrow is my one year sober anniversary, thanks in large part to the support you have provided here on your blog. I even drew wings in my appointment book to remind me, like the pin your husband gave you for your one year mark. I admire you and want you to know that you will always be a part of my heart because of the courage and intellect you demonstrated. I too did it alone, because that is how I do things.......and now I am free! xxoo
ReplyDeleteOh wow this is so unbelievably cool to hear.. Yay for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big love xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx I had to send this to Mr D at work so he could see. Congratulations! Fabulous xxxxxxx
DeleteThanks...it feels so good to be free and a part of this reality!! xxoo
DeleteOoh thanks for posting these. These are really nicely done.
ReplyDelete"There must be thousands of people like me who were totally addicted but pulled the pin before the shit really hit the fan.. and I'm convinced there are thousands of people who are right now still locked in a private, miserable drinking hell like I was. It'd be great to reach out to those people and let them know that it is entirely possible to live a fun, full life without alcohol in it.
My biggest fear two years ago was that giving up booze would mean life would be boring all the time. And it's not. It's totally fine. Better than fine even. That's what I've discovered anyway."
There are of course and I am one of them and when you post things like the above it is such a huge help to me. I know you weren't meaning 'you' personally but sites like these but I just wanted to say...
Lilly xoxo
Oh and then I saw the above comment by Anonymous. HOW BLOODY MARVELLOUS.
ReplyDeleteAND CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU A. I love hearing these stories. You are an inspiration too.
You got me thinking here, Mrs. D. I think that you're right that the dramatic stories are the ones told most. For obvious reasons. But then again, not everyone goes through that. And what I see as important is that these stories, like yours, are being told. I like hearing from those who drank differently than me. I can say that I was one of those "high functioning" booze pigs, but time ran out and my alcoholism got too bad and I started to slide down the scale. Now, I am not so far down that my story is dramatic. It's rather dull, to be honest. But I think we can all agree that our lives are for the better. That we have overcome something or seen something change dramatically. our lives our different and we see things differently and we all had to go through hell, our own hells, and back to find true peace and serenity. And that has nothing to do with how many DUI's or bankruptcies or divorces or homeless shelters, etc. we went through. It's all an inside job.
ReplyDeleteListen, the reason why your blog is so bloody popular, is that you are telling the story that not everyone tells. And that has inspired other bloggers out there - many like you. I think that in the sober blogging world, the majority are women telling their stories of "wine o'time" and being parents and wives and daughters and CEO's and owners and caretakers, etc. while still drinking and knowing something is just wrong in their lives. Not many go into AA or go through detox or treatment, etc. And that is groovy - everyone has a different story. not everyone got flesh eating disease while living in a cardboard box under a bridge drinking lighter fluid and stabbing someone over the last pair of socks. I mean, that has happened, and it's dramatic, but alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes. Our stories do too.
You do a great service, and you have a strong voice, and so many people have it resonate with them.
Great job, Mrs. D.
Blessings,
Paul
Great post Mrs. D. I have to say, now that I know the difference I wasn't really a high bottom drunk, but I sure though so! I mean I had the DUI, but I completed my sentence and got my license, I lost few jobs but then got new ones, I was behind my mortgage but I still had a home. I had to get through a bad custody case but, judge was on my side and it was closed. I didn't think I had a problem either! I couldn't relate to the bottom cases you saw on the websites either! I think that is the worst part of this addiction, the denial runs so deep! You can always find someone that is way worse than you, you know what I mean? I think it is the personal bankruptcy that finally gets us, and thank god for that - otherwise I would still be drinking and thinking that s not me!
ReplyDeleteThe ironic thing is, that I keep thinking there aren't that many heavy, 30+ years, drinkers like me out there in the blogosphere. The rest of you seemed to have got smart so much earlier in the game and could see where your drinking was leading and stopped before you got there.
ReplyDeleteMe? I could see where it was leading but kept denying that I was going to be one of the ones that hit "rock" bottom. Until I did.
I salute you that had the strength to turn away before booze devastated your lifes, and I salute those of us that turned away and crawled out and faced that devastation and have cleared the rubble and started rebuilding.
We all deserve our capes, we're all heroes!