A special message from Sue..

Had a lovely lunch yesterday with my new sober friend Sue - we met through this blog after discovering we lived in the same city. Yesterday was her 1-year soberversary! Yay for Sue!!

She's asked that I post this special message from her, so here it is below.

Also wanted to quickly say that I am doing a long-overdue clean out & update of my blog list.. if you write a sober blog (or follow one) that isn't on my list please drop me a comment below so I can get you on there.

Now here's Sue...

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A huge thank you to all you sober bloggers.

I had my last drink a year ago today. The only reason I've made it to a year was because I found all you sober bloggers, and even though most of you had no idea, I've leaned heavily on you, every day, for support, information, encouragement, and company.

I met you all on Day 2, at 5pm, when I was buckling, and heading for yet another failed attempt at quitting. For some reason, before I went to the fridge for a wine, I Googled "sober blogs", and I found you all. I never did make it to the fridge. I spent the next couple of hours finding out that other people craved booze at 5pm, and how they get through, and eventually break the habit. I found out about having non-alcoholic drinks on hand, and actually drinking them. I found out how to look past the craving, and imagine going to bed sober, and waking up with no remorse or self hatred. But most importantly, I found out I wasn't alone in this horrible drinking place. You all made me feel like I was normal, that I was among friends, and that I was actually going to make it this time. I've been reading your blogs all year, and they've helped me deal with everything that getting and living sober deals up. I'm totally grateful to you all.

So I want to say a huge thank you to the sober bloggers.

Thank you for your courage -- to tell it like it is, in public. I leaned on your courage, and found my own courage because of you.

Thank you for your honesty -- for sharing intimate details about your lives, the ups and downs, the passes and fails. This helped me finally be honest with myself, after a lifetime of lies about drinking.

Thank you for your encouragement -- for responding to comments and cheering each other along, and offering advice and help so generously. Your practical advice and enthusiasm taught me so much, kept me strong and committed to staying sober.

Thank you for your humour (and cussing!) -- for being real live ordinary unintimidating people, speaking your truth. I feel comfortable with you, and even though you don't know it, you've been real friends to me.

I know I would not be sober today if it wasn't for you all writing your amazing blogs. Honestly, I've tried to quit so many times before, but this is the first time I've had support, and it's been the difference between failure and success.

So please, all, accept my heart-felt thanks for being such amazing, courageous, generous, encouraging, real people. You are awesome, and I am totally grateful for you.

Ten great years..

I am writing this post from a HOTEL ROOM!!!!!!!!!! It is 7am and I've just opened all the curtains, we are on the 16th floor - Mr D and I - and from my position on the bed I can see the tops of some high rises and some houses on the hills behind and lots of green bush-covered hilltops. The sky is a brilliant blue and the sun is in full force.

In about 30 minutes there should be a knock on the door with our BREAKFAST ON A TRAY!! (use of caps for emphasis.. oh how I love to have food delivered on a tray, one of the great joys of life I reckon).

Anyway the reason for the hotel is our 10th wedding anniversary. Very chuffed with that milestone. The actual anniversary was on Friday and we celebrated with a 3-course dinner with the kids, cooked by moi. I bought Mr D a nice boutique beer and a posh red wine (felt a little weird at the bottle shop but not too bad). I had elderflower cordial in a goblet with ice and soda water.

Our wedding 10 years ago was a big fun party, an all nighter with us heading home in a taxi as the sun came up. I do regret the fact that I can't remember much from midnight till 5am, but mostly I regret the fact that the next day when we hosted a big lunch for all guests I was a tired mess, mooching around, not able to converse much I was so wiped out by the partying from the night before.

But.. no point in dwelling on regrets. Not going to waste time looking backwards... all that happened before got me to where I am now - sober and free.

I've written before about how child-free nights in hotels used to always involve me drinking lots (because, as every good alcoholic knows any 'special' night is an excuse to drink more than usual). I love that I don't do that any more.

Yesterday when we arrived I had a cup of herbal tea (ginger and lemon) and a bottle of fizzy water from the mini bar (probably vastly expensive but so what). At dinner (went to a local Asian restaurant) I ordered a mango iced tea which was yum, and back home at the hotel I had an instant coffee with my chocolate pudding (delivered on a tray from room service - lushing it out big time baby!).

I'm just so pleased not to have any alcohol in my life. I don't regret my boozing, that was me then, this is me now. And now I'm in love with my sobriety. I think it's cool to be sober. All the cool people are sober don't you know...

Oh, I hear a knock.. breakfast calls.....bye!

Love, Mrs D xxx

A bit flat (life's like that)...

Feeling a bit flat... restless... not sure why... having another coffee...trying all my 'feel good' strategies..

Put a smile on my face (that worked momentarily but it slid off pretty quick)

Put a tee-light candle in my oil burner and added some delicious oil (should start to make the house smell nice soon, that usually cheers me up a bit)

Made a yummy green juice (spinach, celery, cucumber, lemon, ginger and green apple)..

Looking out at the horizon.. I've a nice hill I can look at. The sun is shining..

Um...

Yeah just one of those days I suppose. Feeling a bit weird now the book is finished. Really 'book' could read 'distraction' or 'goal'... I seem to always need one of those.

Question is.. what is my next goal?

Could try and train for a marathon YEAH RIGHT. Am always a bit jealous of my fellow sober bloggers who get into running. Not my thing. I could step up my gym work though, maybe that could be a goal.

I'm learning how to crochet with the help of my sober buddy Sue and some YouTube videos..I'm into that although I think it'll take months before I actually make something cool.

Mr D just told me I'm an overachiever and I need to chill out for a while, relax and enjoy pottering around with no pressure to deliver anything (first thesis, then book)...

Ok I'll try that. I'll try....

Novels. I need some more novels.

And cooking adventures. Maybe I'll get the cookbooks out and try some new recipes. And maybe I'll go through the house and sort out all the little piles of accumulated 'stuff' that have gathered in every corner.

That'll do for now.

And maybe I'll do lots of sober blog reading and commenting. I've been a bit remiss in my interactions with fellow sober bloggers lately, with meeting the book deadline taking up a lot of my energies. That's no good. I like the 'give and take' of this online community. I'd better step up my 'giving' and reconnect with you guys. That's the best plan of all.

Love, Mrs D xxx

The full story is coming...

So today I finished my book. I finished with a flourish, got teary typing out the last line, then danced wildly in my kitchen to Born This Way by Lady Gaga.

The sun was shining, the music was loud, and I was kicking up my feet, safe in the knowledge that no-one could see me. I felt soooooo very happy.

My book will be the final step in my integration process. For quite a while now I have had a double life.. the 'real' me (suburban housewife mother of three) and the 'online' me (Mrs D sober blogger).

I have gone halfway to integrating the two me's by telling more and more people in my 'real' life about my blog (scary as all hell but necessary).. but only when the book comes out will I be fully integrated as one. All you lovely blog readers will get the full story behind this blog. Who I am, what was going outside of all my posts (soooo much), and how and why blogging was so amazingly helpful to my getting and staying sober.

Like how on the day when I received my first ever comment from a reader it was like someone reached into my living room and gave me a great big hug. Suddenly I wasn't alone. It was awesome, and that day I really needed a hug from a fellow sober person.

Sober blogging is the newest form of recovery, where people like me can reach out through the internet and find amazing support. Really, the book is about you - my warm, kind, supportive, amazing worldwide community of brave sober warriors. We know how amazing this blogosphere is... I want other people to know too.

The book won't be out until next year some time, there's lots of editing and fiddling and formatting and stuff that goes on now apparently...

Until then I'll keep posting and sharing and being a part of this wonderful online world.

Oh, and one last thing.... I FUCKING LOVE BEING SOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mrs D xxx

Over-sharing?

Did something a bit weird today. Was at the butchers going crazy on meat purchases and the two very nice, jolly men (what is it with butchers being so jolly?) were chatting away to me and then one of them commented on my broach. It's the silver broach with wings that Mr D gave me for my 1-year soberversary.. I wear it on my winter coat and it's bloody cold here so it was in full view..

Anyway he said 'I like that you're wearing there.. is that a watch mechanism in the middle?' to which I replied 'yeah it is.. my husband gave this to me for an anniversary'..

And both men kind of made 'oohh that's nice' noises, in a male/butchery way..

And then I opened my mouth and said; 'it was for my year anniversary of giving up wine'.

And the guy who was bagging up my marinated chicken drumsticks sort of gave me a look like 'Oh wow' and then pulled a funny face and said 'are you back on now?', nice and chummy like he was saying 'poor you how hard it would be not to drink'..(I think that's what he meant, he was being very nice and given he was probably a bit taken aback at my blunt information offering he was handling it pretty well I thought)..

Anyway I laughed and said 'oh no.. no way .. never again for me. Wine and me don't mix well' and he laughed and reached for the knife to slice up my steak and then I laughed and said 'or rather wine and me mix too well!' and he laughed even harder and the guy off to the side (small shop, hearing everything clearly) also had a chuckle and then we moved on to talk about how many beef kebabs I'd need.

Then the butcher to the side came closer to look at the broach again and told me how he thought it looked like some kind of car emblem.. (I can't remember what car he said because cars aren't my thing). Here it is anyway, judge for yourself.

It was all incredibly comfortable and no big deal.

I did wonder for a nano-second as I left the shop with a cheery 'see ya, thanks!' if I'd over-shared and should have not told them that the broach was for a soberversary rather than a wedding anniversary or something ...

But then I thought no fuck it, it is a broach for a soberversary, that's a fact, I don't drink wine, that's a fact, wine and me don't mix well, that's a fact too and frankly if anyone think's that's over-sharing to tell the butchers then bite me.

It's my story and I'll be open about it if I want to.

And anyway I don't think the lovely butcher men minded one single jot.

Love, Mrs D xxx

An authentic life...

I don't want stupid alcohol anywhere in my body, my mind or my life.

It has no place in my world.

Shit will come and bad things will happen and happy things too and all manner of stuff and I choose to deal with it all without drinking something that affects how I think and feel.

I want to think and feel in a way that I can always trust is authentic.

Alcohol just gets in the way of that authenticity.

And that's why I choose not to drink today or ever again in my life.

The amazing thing is that this wasn't my objective when I first gave up. I didn't know how negatively alcohol was impacting on my thoughts and feelings as I moved around in the world.

I just thought I had to take it away because I couldn't control how much I consumed. Only after it was gone did I discover what an impact it had been having on my emotional landscape FOR YEARS.

Sometimes I feel like it's a blessing that I was pounding it so hard I had to stop.. because only by stopping did I discover what a huge obstacle it was to my living an authentic life.

And now that obstacle is gone - hooray!

And now if you'll excuse me I have to go run the bath, the boys are covered in mud and it's time to settle in, get jammies on and get cosy.

Love, Mrs D xxx