So much great, gritty stuff going on with others in the sobersphere - I am totally grateful to be reading and thinking and processing all that is happening for other people with regards to their relationship with alcohol.
Me, I'm just so unbelievably happy to be sober and to be living without any alcohol. Sorry, I know that's boring but that's just where I'm at in my mind.
I do have this weird, twisted thinking going on right now that being sober is actually the 'cool' way to live. That living alcohol free is interesting and real and healthy and cool. Maybe I'm deluding myself.
Maybe it's because I'm not out in bars or at parties much at the moment so I'm not seeing what I'm missing out on. But am I missing out on much? If I do go to bars or parties I can usually still laugh and talk loose and joke around and even have a boogie if I'm in the mood.
Maybe it's because I can vividly remember the loser boozer that I was.. always drinking wine and avoiding emotion and numbing myself constantly .. so for me to come from that place to where I am now is pretty damn cool (I think).
But don't think I'm a bloody saint. I got really really really grouchy at my boys yesterday for being boys and bickering and moaning and whining and I lost it and yelled a lot which wasn't cool. I calmed down and we had a nice afternoon and this morning we have had a 'meeting' about rules and screen time and stuff.. so I'm not beating myself up too much for losing it like I did, it's part of being a mother of three boys and also a sober person I figure.
And I'd rather be sober and raw and lose it sometimes than boozing and numb and detached..
Also have been reaching for the sugar again which is annoying. The Whole30 programme did such great things for my body and mind and diet. Since I've been off it I've hardly eaten any wheat or dairy or sugar.. I mean I do eat it but in much smaller amounts than before. Loads more meat and vege and fruit.
But then Halloween came along and heaps of candy entered our house and went down my throat. Must. Stop. That.
Got a voucher for a facial for my birthday and had it done on Friday afternoon. Talk about lush! An hour on a warm bed with lovely lotions and potions being administered to my face. Bliss. Before the treatment I had to fill out a long form about my skincare habits and lifestyle. Question: How many alcoholic drinks do you consume in a week? Answer: None!
Can you imagine how ridiculously happy I was at being able to give that answer!! Small pleasures....
Love, Mrs D xxx