I had some sad pangs on the weekend about not drinking. The same old shitty sad feelings that tell me I'm kidding myself that sober is the new black, and actually I'm a sad sober loser.. that everyone thinks non-drinkers are boring, that being sober = being boring, that I should just get over myself and have a wine, that I should stop harping on about how amazing I am for stopping drinking and just shut the fuck up and crawl into a hole and keep my head low and what's the big deal I should just have a wine and get over myself ...
.. and stuff like that.
Which, frankly, is all bloody bollocks. These thoughts are NEGATIVE and TIME WASTING and ANNOYING AS ALL HELL (should I stop yelling now?).
But they come, these thoughts. I wish they wouldn't, but they do. They arrive in my brain for a variety of reasons and rattle around unsettling me. They are strong, they feel real, they ARE real at the time, and so I have to acknowledge them and deal with them. I can't pretend they're not there. I can't bloody have a drink! (Could you imagine if I came on here and admitted that I'd had a bloody drink!! OMG!!)
I'm not fucking drinking. So here's what I do.
1). Think 'what is happening right now that is making me feel like this?' (Answer: Mr D is overseas for work so I'm lonely, I'm doing some extra-worky stuff that is making me feel a little vulnerable, there are inter-personal relationships rattling around me that are tricky). Recognise that these are triggers...
2). Tell myself firmly that these thoughts aren't true. That I'm not a dick for thinking sober is the new black. Work hard to convince myself again that it is cool to be sober and that I am fine being sober and that who cares what anyone else thinks anyway.
3). Remind myself about all the good things in my life and rejoice in them (I have a new spray mop with a water bottle on the arm - you pull a trigger and it sprays water as you mop OMG I am telling you this is a housewife's dream!!!!!!!)
4). Eat some ginger crunch and then make a green juice to counteract it (and the guilt), tidy out the garage, pick up a novel and read it, do something kind for someone else, look up and out at the horizon and appreciate the view, put my pyjamas on at 5pm, just chill the fuck out and let time pass.. if nothing else time passing helps .. the thoughts fade away....
Slowly they fade away....
Love, Mrs D xxx
*** Update for those who have asked about Ginger Crunch - here is the recipe! I had no idea it wasn't a worldwide phenomenon, get into it people! It is decadent and divine. If I'm feeling really naughty I double the amount of icing....
Sometimes slowly...sometimes quickly but make no mistake...they do finally, blessedly go.
ReplyDeleteBut they suck ass all the same.
I totally get where you are with this. At your age I would have been the exact same way and frankly, not sure I would have been strong enough to quit drinking.
But you ARE!!! And you're fabulous and cool and young and hip and gorgeous and talented and BLESSED.
So when those thoughts come remember your slightly older friend in the states who thinks you rock and then have some more ginger crunch (what the hell is that) and put a smug smile on your face and remember that...
SOBER IS THE NEW BLACK.
Love and hugs...
Sherry
Mrs D If I could click my heels together Dorothy style and be 2 years in the future where you are rather than 2 months where I am - my heart would burst with pride. You rock in my world :)
ReplyDeleteI'm going to print that out and hang it on my bathroom mirror because I'm not alone. I get those feelings too, just this Saturday as a matter of fact and I hate them. They try to sabotage all my hard work. I'm not sure why but getting sober has given me a sense of empowerment that I don't want to lose. I try to hold on to that power to banish those thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Sherry, what is ginger crunch and I hate to burst your bubble but those mops with the sprayer thingys have been around a long time!
Hey Mrs. D. You seem just fine to me. Cool and smart and brave. Gotta love that ginger crunch. A slice with a crisp butter shortbread base and a thick layer of sweet, buttery ginger icing. We love our dairy products as well as our sugar. If I get a sugar addiction in my first 100 days it's worth it to kick the booze. You're an inspiration Mrs. D. Love Dancing Rabbit x
ReplyDeleteKeep on keeping on. You inspire me to be a better person. Pop in a c us we are always here for you AND MISS YOU visiting twice a week xxx M
ReplyDeleteMrs D, you mean you're normal???? All this time I thought you were a deluxe sober super hero! :) (I say that with respect, you know how the internet thing doesn't allow my silly tone to come across) and then a hug, and a look in the eye.
ReplyDeleteSomehow it makes it even easier to be all in. Someone from my high school days (almost 25 years ago!) sent me a facebook email yesterday that she was at the doctor's office and saw my article and just wanted to send some support. Um, what???? My fist thought was oh no, now that whole crowd knows! And then I was fine. No need to hide, that was when I was drinking. Now you can totally look and see. Ta-freakin-da. :)
I'm looking forward to your book, and the worldwide book tour that will lead you right over to the east coast of the US. Then I can go get Sherry and we will come give you hugs and we'll drink tea and eat chocolate. Much love! Much!
Wow - I am wrapped up in some gossamer web of major kick ass this morning. First I see Amy's article thing (I clearly was living under a rock this week), then I read Sherry's post (holy cow!) and now I come here and read about this rocking Mrs. D kicking it loud and talk of the book. I am stoked reading this here at 6 am on a cold Canadian morning at work trying to stay awake. Makes me think maybe I too have something to share. A get-off-my-ass and do something with my life kind of spark. A stop-whimpering-you-lad and move on. Maybe it's the Canadian cold and lack of coffee talking. Or more likely I am inspired by these incredible women. Or both. I choose the latter.
ReplyDeleteLove and light, ginger crunch.
Paul
Mrs D, you are a true inspiration. I prefer my heroes (I think it's passe to call you a heroine? waitress is now waiter or wait-staff?) with feet of clay rather than superhero powers. Know that these thoughts continue to occasionally visit even those of you who are far further along than I am is a comfort. It makes me feel less flawed, less destined for an ultimate relapse and living out my life marinated in wine. I found your process very instructional: it is basically look inward, examine your emotions, acknowledge them, sit with them, and let them pass. I'm the kindergardener here, so it's inspiring to see how the college grads handle these times! Thank you so much for your open-ness!
ReplyDeleteCarrieC at Day #21
Perspective is a curious thing, how quickly it can shift and turn on us, and we are the ones doing the turning. With me too I can always link it to something hormonal or stress-related...always something external I'm taking it out on. It still sounds like you're coping with your usual strength and upbeat attitude. You're just being real. I think I want a juicer so I can make up green juice to counteract the snacking guilt, haha. This was the best argument I've read for getting one. xo
ReplyDeleteThis whole post makes me laugh. That voice has never 'totally' left me. I think I've had moments, long moments, but it's waiting. I'm human. I think I've just learned how to manage the bastard. Keep up the good work. Inspiring. Lisa
ReplyDeleteWe speak the same language. I am the anonymous "missing out" person who is drinking again after 180 days sober. Alcohol is such a double-edged sword; we feel like we are engaged and part of the party when we drink, but yet it never turns out well for us in the end.
ReplyDeleteOk this is anonymous again and I am ready AGAIN! I'm spiraling down and must stop. Alcohol is causing problems in my relationships (particularly my 29 yr. old son). I am sick and tired of this and must clean up my act. I want to like myself again,
ReplyDeleteHa! This is perfect! Was just thinking these thoughts this morning while at the gym - where I tend to do some of my best thinking (or obsessing). It doesn't matter how many days/months/years we have, there's always going to be that little voice. But, we deal with it, we question it and then we tell it to screw itself! Love this post!
ReplyDelete